Unique
by nephtys59
Summary: Archer divided between two beautiful women: T’Pol his first officer and Nikita Parker a test pilot. But Niki has a secret mission ... COMPLETE Please review!
1. Prologue

**Unique**   
By: Nephtys59  
Rated: PG-13  
Feedback: Appreciated ;)  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Enterprise characters, they belong to Paramount. Nikita Parker is my character, I invented her. I make no money off this story. The lyrics of various songs I will quote in the story are not my property.

Summary: Archer divided between two beautiful women: T'Pol (his first officer) and Nikita Parker (a test pilot). But Niki has a secret mission …

Pairing: Archer/T'Pol – Archer/Nikita – some Hoshi/Malcolm.

Author's Note: This story happens after the Vulcan Arc of 4th season. At the beginning only T'Pol knows about the fact that Koss has decided to dissolve their marriage.

**Prologue  
**  
**July, 2144**

Niki looked at his father from the exhibition hall ... she received a big smile and a wink in return. She was stunning in her blue costume and she was holding a silk ribbon. Then the music started and she lost herself, moving graciously through the hall. These were the finals of World Rhythmic Gymnastics and it was her last chance to better her score.  
Jeremy Parker held his breath looking Niki's acrobatics, but he knew she would made it.  
Music hadn't ended yet ... but the applause during Niki's performance let her know she was the first.  
Then Niki lived as in a dream ... the prize giving, all that people around, congratulating her ... she just couldn't believe it!

When finally she was alone in her room, tired but happy, she looked at the stars outside and gave a deep sigh.  
Then she realized she was not alone anymore.  
"Congratulations" said the man, coming from the dark.  
"Who are you? How did you get here?" she asked frightened  
"I mean no harm, Niki ... I only want to talk with you"  
"Talk? About what?"  
"About the future"  
"The future?"  
"Earth's future ... I need your help, Niki"  
"I don't understand."  
"You will ... if you give me some time to explain. First of all, you have to know who you really are ..."

The morning after Jeremy Parker knocked on his daughter's door.  
"Niki! Wake up!"  
"Don't shout, daddy ... I'm here ..." she said opening the door.  
He looked at Niki's face ... she had rings under her eyes ... seemed like she had cried.  
"Niki ... are you OK?"  
"Yes and no." she looked at her father with great affection.  
"Sit down, daddy, I've something to tell you."  
"Should I worry?"  
"Maybe ... but I won't change my mind"

Jeremy Parker shouted: "You're crazy! I won't let you do it!"  
Niki put her suitcase in the car.  
"No way, daddy ... I've made my decision!"  
"How can you do that ... you're throwing away your life, your future, everything! This was not your dream!"  
"I know better than you about my dreams!" she started the car.  
"Stop, Niki, please ... it's like a nightmare ... I just can't believe it ..." he was crying.  
"Daddy, please let me go ... I'm aware of what I'm doing"  
"No, you aren't. Where the hell you're going?"  
The car moved.  
"Towards my destiny!" she replied.  
Her father couldn't do anything but looking her disappearing at the end of the street.  
While she drove she whispered only one word: "Enterprise"

**About 10 years later**

Arik Soong was making some calculus when the confinement cell opened.  
He looked at the woman entering the cell. She had a weapon.  
"Who the hell are you?"  
"You should know" she replied  
"I never saw you in my life!"  
"The name Nefer should remind you something ... father!"  
Soong looked at her as if she was the devil. Then she fired.

Enterprise was in space dock around Earth.  
Jonathan Archer was checking the situation of ship's improvements ... just a couple of days and then ready! He was quite satisfied.  
Then he received a call from Adm. Gardner.  
"Hello, Captain Archer ... got some news for you."  
"Bad or good?"  
"Both. Let's start with the bad ones. Arik Soong escaped"  
"Really? How?"  
"That's the question ... they are still investigating. Surely someone helped him from outside, but they don't have a clue."  
Archer sighed: "He's a dangerous man ..."  
"I agree ... but I hope you won't have to concern about that. We are pretty sure he didn't leave Earth yet. I'll keep you updated" replied Gardner "So ... is everything OK with the new Shuttles?"  
"They're safe here ... waiting for their test pilot!"  
"She should be onboard in a couple of hours"  
"She? I was told that Lt. Alec Grissom was coming for tests." Archer was surprised.  
"Grissom is needed here for further developments ... Lt. Nikita Parker will be responsible for the tests for the next 3 months approximately"  
"Never heard about her ..."  
"I'm sending you all the details ... in the meantime you can get some information from Lt. Reed ... he knows a lot about her." Adm. Gardner smiled "Don't worry Captain ... see you later!"  
Archer remained silent watching the empty screen, then made his call:  
"Lt. Reed, please report to my readyroom"  
Now he was very curious ...


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Niki's coming here?" Malcolm was really surprised.  
"Yes, I was informed a few minutes ago. Adm. Gardner says you know her, I was wondering if you can tell me more, 'cause I didn't receive details about her, yet."  
"I thought she had left Starfleet, but now I know it isn't true." he mumbled "Or maybe she came back."  
"What about her? Is she suitable for these tests?"  
"She's one of the best pilots I ever met ... and she's good in team work, with a strong sense a duty" he paused "... maybe too strong sometimes ..."  
"What do you mean?" Archer knitted his brow.  
"Maybe it's best if I start from the beginning." he sighed "About 10 years ago, Nikita Parker was the World Champion of Rhythmic Gymnastics, a very talented gymnast, out of the common run. Suddenly she left her promising career, changed completely her studies and made every possible effort to enter Starfleet. And she made it."  
"It doesn't seem so strange to me. Maybe she realized what was her real passion in life." he grinned.  
"Passion. You said "the word". She didn't have any passion for this. She made it because SHE HAD TO. And even if she wasn't happy, she shut everything and everyone out of her life just so she could be the first."  
Archer stared at him in amazement. Those words sounded very familiar ... he remembered his friend A.G. telling him the same thing years ago.  
"Captain? Something wrong?"  
"No ... just thinking." Archer shook his head "I understand you were friends"  
"Good friends, nothing more, Captain" Malcolm grinned "She just needed a confidant, so did I. The last time I had news from her was before we left to the Expanse. She was thinking about leaving Starfleet. Now I know she didn't. I'm happy to see her again." he smiled. "Maybe when you will see what she's able to do ... you won't let her go."  
"Good." Archer stood up. "She should be here in a couple of hours, would you like to come to say hello to her?"  
"Gladly."  
_"Bridge to Capt. Archer"_  
"Go ahead"  
_"Adm. Gardner asks if there's room for a third test shuttle ... Lt. Parker will pilot it to the Enterprise."_  
Archer looked at Malcolm questioningly.  
"No problem Sir, we have room enough" he nodded.  
"Hoshi, confirm we can receive it."  
_"Agreed"_  
"3 shuttles for testing ... she's got a lot of work to do" said Archer thoughtfully.  
"Oh she never worries about hard work" Malcolm grinned

Two hours later Archer met Nikita Parker in launch bay.  
Nikita came to attention: "Permission to come aboard, Captain"  
"Permission granted, Lt. Parker" he smiled at her "Nice to meet you"  
Archer was amazed at her. She was slim and brown-haired, with the most incredible blue eyes he had ever seen. The card stated she was almost 30 years old, but she looked younger.  
"It's a privilege to meet you, Captain. Did Adm. Gardner send you the details about the test schedule?"  
"He did." he paused. Her look had left him speechless, so he cleared his throat "I think you will be happy to meet a friend"  
"Mal!" she hugged him. "It's been a long time"  
"I'm happy to see you, Niki."  
"So, I think you have a lot to talk about. Malcolm, would you please show the quarters to Lt. Parker?"  
"Of course, Sir"  
"Good. I would be pleased to invite you both to dinner this evening, would you?"  
"With pleasure Captain" she smiled at him. Archer left and she couldn't see his delighted expression.  
"So, you didn't leave Starfleet, after all, Niki."  
"I did ... for almost one year ... then I changed my mind."  
"Why? I remember you told me this is not the life you dreamed of."  
"I think it's my duty to serve Earth, Mal ... and do the best that I can."  
"I don't really understand ..."  
"You never will ... I have my reasons."  
Nikita took Malcolm's arm: "Now stop questioning and show me my quarters, Mal" she gave him a wink "I want to know all about your adventures!"

T'Pol felt a little uncomfortable. The Captain looked excited.  
He had shown her the card with all the details about Lt. Parker: her record of service was excellent, she had to admit that, but the Captain seemed to show more than just a professional interest towards her.  
They were sitting in Captain's mess-hall: they all seemed to enjoy the conversation, while T'Pol remained silent, just watching them. Archer was particularly gracious with that girl, hanging on every word she said.  
Niki was fond of water polo too and told him about the exploits of his favourite team.  
Then Malcolm asked to Niki: "You didn't tell me where have you been during your leave of absence, Niki."  
Archer added: "I'm curious about that, too."  
"I just needed to take a break ... I went to Nepal to recover my balance. Yoga and meditation helped me a lot."  
T'Pol raised her brow. Niki turned to her: "I know that Vulcans meditate every day ... I was wondering if you know about yoga techniques."  
Archer said: "T'Pol you have something in common!" he grinned "Maybe you could share ..."  
T'Pol interrupted him roughly "You seem to have more in common than me, Captain."  
There was an embarrassing silence. T'Pol tried to explain: "Vulcans don't talk about their meditation methods gladly."  
Niki looked her gently: "I'm sorry, I had no intention of invading your privacy, Subcommander."  
T'Pol said: "If you don't mind I'd prefer to retire, Captain ... I have a slight headache."  
Archer nodded: "Sleep well, Subcommander"  
After T'Pol left the mess-hall, Archer sighed, then smiled and said:  
"So, I want to know everything about Rhythmic Gymnastics, Malcolm told me you won the World Championship some years ago!"

T'Pol reached her quarters. She felt unsettled and a little ashamed.  
She didn't understand why Captain's behaviour towards Lt. Parker was disturbing her.  
What was happening? Why she felt like loosing ... something?  
She lighted the candles and sat on the floor, taking a deep breath.  
Then she closed her eyes and tried to push away all those uncomfortable emotions.

It was late night. Niki stole in launch bay and then entered in the third shuttle.  
She digited a code on a hidden keypad. A panel slided and showed a cell unit: behind the glass, Arik Soong's face.  
He was in an induced coma. Niki checked his bio-signs on the cell display. Everything was in order.  
She whispered: "The isolation works well, father, they didn't detect you. They won't. Sleep well."  
She sealed the panel and left launch bay silently.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Niki sighed and walked to the mess-hall just to drink some herb tea ... nobody was there ... while she was looking outside at the stars, a lot of thoughts crowded her mind.  
_3 months left_ she thought _I have to be careful, there's no margin for error_.  
She reminded the man telling her why Soong had to be set free: "He will begin a cybernetic project that will be completed by his descendant: I can't tell you all the details, but believe me. It's important that his project is completed. No one else could do that."  
She remembered the talk with Soong after escape:  
He couldn't believe she was alive: "Jeremy told me you and your mother were dead because of my experiments. I saw you! You didn't breathe anymore!" he closed his eyes "I felt so guilty ..."  
"Oh, you felt guilty ... my mother really died, you bastard!" she cried out "The loss of your family should have taught you something ... but you didn't stop!" she said with anger "And years later you made the Augments ... and look at what they've done, it could have been a catastrophe!"  
"I really believed it was good for humanity! I didn't mean to create them for bad purposes!"  
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" she said "Tell me why you did that to ME."  
"I thought it was for your own good ... I wanted you to be healthy ... and smarter ... and stronger ... I ..."  
"I just wasn't an unknown embryo ... I was your daughter! Your own flesh and blood. And you played with my DNA with no restraint!"  
"Nefer, please listen to me!"  
"Shame on you! And don't call me Nefer any more. Nefer Soong died 30 years ago!"  
Soong remained silent for a minute, then he said: "I assume Jeremy Parker brought you up as his daughter."  
"He was a very good father ... I loved him a lot ... and I was forced to disappoint him because of your damned experiments."  
"I don't understand ..."  
"You don't have to ... this is none of your business."  
He raised his hands as a sign of surrender.  
"What are you gonna do of me?" he asked.  
"Leave you on a suitable planet and forget you ever existed." she replied "You will be free to carry on your cybernetic studies ... but I warn you ... don't try to play with DNA again ... otherwise I'll kill you with my own hands!"  
Niki came back to reality 'cause someone entered the mess-hall.  
It was T'Pol. She pressed a button and said: "Camomil tea, hot."  
Niki came up to her. "May I join you?"  
"Please."  
They sipped their teas silently for a couple of minutes, then T'Pol said: "I didn't mean to be impolite at dinner"  
"Never mind" Niki smiled "I should have known that Vulcans are reserved about their personal matters. Some humans are the same. Do you feel better?"  
"What?"  
"Your headache ..."  
"Oh ... yes, better ... and you?"  
"I just can't sleep ... new place, new bed ... and I was thinking about my father. He died one year ago."  
"I understand ..." she paused "I've lost my mother recently."  
Niki was surprised at T'Pol talking about this.  
"You must miss her, don't you?" she asked.  
T'Pol looked away from Niki, trying not to show her emotions.  
"Maybe we could comfort each other ..."  
T'Pol looked at Niki questioningly "I don't understand."  
"When grief is too great, it's difficult to deal with it alone. Humans search for comfort from another person, a friend or someone who can understand how you feel." Niki paused "You may be a vulcan, but you DO have emotions as me. Pushing them away won't help you to get through your sorrow."  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow and said: "Maybe ..." then she stood up "It's very late, I should rest."  
"Good night, Sub-commander" Niki smiled and watched T'Pol leaving the mess-hall.

The morning after Niki showed the shuttles to Archer, Reed and Tucker.  
The 3 shuttles looked shining in the launch bay, with their streamlined shape.  
Trip Tucker was excited and put a lot of questions to Niki. They were all inside the first shuttle looking at the instruments.  
"Why only 2 seats? They are bigger than our shuttlepods but there's not so much room inside."  
"They are not designed to replace shuttlepods." Niki stated "You should see them just like an alternative. The main seat is for the pilot, the other can be used as a science or combat-posting."  
"Combat?" Reed was surprised.  
Niki showed the console: "Torpedoes ... mini phase cannon ..."  
"Seems to me this is more a fighter than a shuttle." was Reed's comment.  
"It's a shuttle, but with higher defence capabilities." Niki replied.  
"Only defence?" Archer seemed a little sarcastic.  
"Come on, Captain, you should know better than me there are a lot of 'bad guys' out there!"  
"I can't argue with that" he grinned.  
Trip asked: "What's that?" pointing at the hatch behind them.  
"Rescue capsule"  
"What?"  
"If something goes wrong, you can separate the rescue section from the rest of the shuttle. There's place for two, life support and food for one month. It has also landing rockets."  
"Ah ..." Trip was puzzled.  
"Now you know why it is so big" Niki smiled. "Come outside. I'll show you the propulsion."  
Niki showed them all the technical aspects of the shuttles and the test schedule.  
Trip came up to the third shuttle.  
Niki said: "This is at an early stage of development, I won't use it for tests in the next days. During my flight from Earth to spacedock I found some malfunction. I've got to work on this."  
"Maybe I could help you, if Captain Archer has nothing to object."  
"It's ok for me, Trip."  
"Your proposal is appreciated but I must decline. Some equipments are classified, I have to do the job by myself."  
"It's a lot of work, Niki." Archer said.  
"Oh, I never worry about hard work" she replied.  
Archer grinned "We shall leave spacedock tomorrow at 8:00 and remain in the Sol System for a few hours, so if you want to stretch your legs with one shuttle before we go to warp ..."  
"I'll be ready, Captain" she replied with a disarming smile.  
Archer was captured by Niki's smile. For a moment, their eyes met and he felt lost.  
Trip cleared his throat: "I should be back to Engineering."  
Reed added: "Me too, have some job to complete. Captain?"  
Archer startled: "Launch bay is all yours, Lt. Parker"  
Along the corridor, Trip said: "She's got a hold on you, Captain"  
"What?"  
"Look ... she's a charming woman."  
Reed added: "And she's single, as far as I know"  
"She's a brilliant test pilot, according to Starfleet's card." Archer seemed a little annoyed at Trip's comment.  
"So, you were only stunned by her intelligence in launch bay." he sounded malicious.  
"Get to the point, Trip!"  
"Come on ... you can't deny you're attracted by her."  
"I'm not attracted by anyone."  
"What's wrong? She's not a regular crew member, you could have good times together."  
"Just drop it!" Archer entered the turbolift and left Trip and Reed out.  
They giggled in the corridor.  
"The best is yet to come" Trip mumbled.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Archer woke up some minutes before the alarm sounded. He allowed himself to stay lazily in bed, thinking to the last events since they had left spacedock two weeks before.  
Sensors had located a new planet, inhabited by a pre-warp civilization and he was eager for visiting it. After one year in the Expanse and the last missions about the Augments and Vulcan, it seemed a privilege to him to return to exploration.  
Vulcan ... T'Pol ... he felt a sharp pain in the heart, thinking to her. After the mission, he had tried to comfort her, but she had built a wall between them. He had lost her twice. First, because of Trip ... and then it seemed they even weren't friends anymore. "_I miss her ..._" he thought "_I still love her and I don't know why. She doesn't want me, she never has ... it doesn't make any sense I'm still thinking to her in this way._" he sighed.  
T'Pol used to live apart, when she wasn't on duty ... but something had changed in the last days ... Niki Parker seemed to have found a way. They had meals together, they talked a lot and someone had told him that Niki was teaching Yoga to her and Hoshi. He felt grateful to Niki for helping her in finding some peace of mind.  
Niki. What a talented woman! She had already run a lot of tests with the shuttles, she was never tired! She was hyperactive, 6 hours sleep were more than enough to her, so she had time for gymnastics, yoga, making friends. The crew loved her and even Porthos was crazy about her and Niki had taken him out for a walk a couple of times.  
He didn't understand how he felt about her yet, but Trip was right: she'd got a hold on him. Each time they met, he felt lost in her magnetic look. The more he tried to hide it, the worse he succeeded in doing it. "_Maybe I should stop hiding myself_" he thought "_There's no harm in it, after all. We could just make friends ..._"  
The alarm clock reminded him it was time to get up.

T'Pol, Niki and Hoshi were having breakfast together in the mess-hall. Hoshi was distracted by the couple sitting in the near table. She seemed amused.  
"What's happening, Hoshi?" Niki asked.  
"Look at David and Jenna." she answered. "I think they're dating. David seems crazy about her!" she giggled.  
"How can you say that, Ensign Sato." T'Pol was curious "They're only talking, there's nothing to conclude they are "dating" ..."  
"Oh!" Hoshi was puzzled "How can I explain that ..."  
"Body language, Sub-Commander" Niki smiled.  
"What?"  
"Humans can also communicate without talking, T'Pol" Niki explained "Look at Jenna and David, for example. Jenna is smiling and listening to David with interest. David is slightly leaning towards her. Look at the eye contact: this is a powerful sign of attention. It communicates, "Right now, I am more interested in you than anything else!""  
"I see." T'Pol raised an eyebrow.  
Archer entered the mess-hall right in that moment. Niki got up taking her mug.  
"I'll show you another example of body language, Sub-Commander."  
Niki went towards Archer.  
"Oh, good morning, Captain!" Niki flashed him with a smile.  
"Good morning, Lt. Parker" he pressed a button and said "Coffee, strong, hot."  
"Would you mind taking some coffee for me too, Captain?" she asked, giving him her mug.  
"Sure" their eyes locked and Archer felt like a shock when Niki's hand brushed against his.  
"I heard tonight's movie night, Captain."  
"Oh yes, Trip told me the ladies have chosen "When Harry Met Sally""  
"Seems nice. Will you go and see it?" she looked at him with a meaningful smile.  
"Don't know. And you?"  
"Oh, I don't have decided, yet." pretending she didn't mind.  
"You could come with me ..." Archer was surprised at himself, but was happy.  
"With pleasure!"  
"Ok, you'll be my date!" he smiled "Dinner together and then the movie, I'll pick you up at 19,00 in your quarters."  
"On one condition, Captain."  
"Which one?"  
"Don't wear your uniform, I would like to see you in civilian clothes ..." she touched lightly his shoulder.  
"As you wish, Ma'am" he bowed slightly his head, then left the mess-hall smiling.  
Niki went back to the table.  
Hoshi looked at her questioningly: "So?"  
"I've got a date, tonight." Niki giggled.  
"How the hell did you ..."  
"Body language, Hoshi ... body language."  
Hoshi looked on with an amused air, but T'Pol became petrified. Niki looked at her, worried: "Is everything ok?"  
"I'm fine" she answered stiffly "I should go to the bridge, I don't want to be late."  
"See you later." said Hoshi.  
"What's wrong with her?" Niki asked after T'Pol left the mess-hall.  
"Vulcans ... I'll never fully understand them." mumbled Hoshi.

Late in the morning Archer called T'Pol to his ready room.  
Archer was looking at a map on his screen.  
"We'll reach the planet tomorrow, I would like to make a first reconnaissance in this area, it seems desert so we won't be noticed."  
"I'll prepare the necessary equipment."  
"It's not necessary, T'Pol. Lt. Parker will take me there with the necessary equipment."  
"Have I to remind you that I'm the science officer, Captain?" some feelings of rage were close to the surface.  
"No, T'Pol. But Lt. Parker needs to make some landing tests with the new shuttle and I want to take the opportunity to test it, too."  
"With all due respect, Lt. Parker can run the tests without your help, Captain." she answered stiffly.  
Archer looked at T'Pol questioningly: "I know, T'Pol. What's the problem?"  
"The problem is that you need your science officer for this first landing, but you prefer to waste time with a subordinate!" now she was really out of line.  
"I'm not wasting my time, Sub-Commander!" he raised his voice in anger. "You'll be allowed to go there with a squad later and take all the scans you wish!"  
"Captain, I ..." she tried to protest.  
Archer stood up and came up to T'Pol: "I've made my decision. Dismissed." he said coldly.  
"Your judgement is clouded by your attraction for ..."  
"I said: Dismissed!"  
T'Pol left the ready room hastily.  
Archer sighed: "_What's wrong with her?_" he asked himself.

T'Pol returned to her post and tried to concentrate on her work, but she couldn't.  
Hoshi noticed she was nervous and her hands were trembling.  
"Is everything OK?" she asked.  
T'Pol tried to regain her composure.  
"A slight headache." she replied.  
"Maybe you should go to sickbay." Hoshi suggested "Dr. Phlox surely can help you."  
"I'll be back in a few minutes"  
Watching T'Pol entering the turbo-lift, Hoshi knitted her brow. "_What's wrong with her?_" she thought.

While she was heading to sickbay, T'Pol was ashamed for her reaction to Captain Archer's decision.  
Archer was cutting her off. He hadn't invited her to Captain's mess-hall in the last two weeks and now he preferred to make the first landing on that planet without her! Why?  
And why did she feel so uneasy about that?  
"_What's wrong with me?_" she asked herself.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Dr. Phlox smiled to T'Pol entering sickbay.  
"Ohhhhhhh Sub-Commander!"  
He noticed she was unsettled.  
He lowered his voice and became serious: "May I help you?"  
"Yes ... I ... feel agitated." her hands were still trembling.  
"Has this ... agitation a reason?"  
T'Pol didn't answer. She had a dazed expression.  
"It's difficult to help you, if you don't talk to me, Sub-Commander."  
"Could you give me an injection just to stabilize ..."  
Phlox interrupted her: "This could help you for a few hours, but it would not solve your problem, Sub-Commander."  
He sighed: "I know that you don't feel comfortable in talking about your personal matters, T'Pol. But you should know that all is between you and your doctor."  
"It's not easy for me to explain, Doctor." she swallowed.  
"I understand this is a critical period for you. Your mother's death ... the mission on Vulcan ... what about your ... husband? Maybe he could help you ..."  
"No ... he released me from our marriage."  
"Really?" Phlox was surprised "Does anybody know about that?"  
"No."  
"I don't understand if this is a relief to you or not."  
"It is." she sighed "But I want to keep this for myself."  
"Why? I suppose Commander Tucker would be happy about that." he smiled.  
"Whatever happened between me and Commander Tucker, it's over." she stated.  
"Strange. I thought you had feelings for each other."  
"I care for him ... but not in the way he expects from me ... these new emotions are unknown to me, doctor. I suppose I misunderstood the meaning of what I was really feeling ..."  
"Maybe you just felt ... alone?"  
"Vulcans don't experience loneliness." she said proudly.  
"Nonsense! Vulcans experience the same emotions as any other species. They're simply better at hiding them. Sometimes I believe that Capt. Archer is more Vulcan than you are."  
"Doctor?"  
"I'm a great observer T'Pol. I always thought that you're an atypical Vulcan, even before the Panar Syndrome and the trellium addiction."  
She lowered her eyes.  
"You haven't told me the reason for feeling agitated, yet."  
"I had a dispute with Capt. Archer a few minutes ago. We were both out of line."  
"Why?"  
"He decided to make the first landing with Lt. Parker instead of his science officer. I believe this decision is due to the fact he's attracted to her."  
"And that disturbs you?" Phlox was surprised. "Interesting!" he grinned.  
"I don't know if that ... disturbs me ... I don't understand my reaction ..."  
"May I ask how you feel about him?"  
She answered hesitatingly: "I feel respect ... trust ..."  
"And?"  
"... friendship ..."  
"That's all?"  
"What else?" she asked.  
"If that's all you feel, I think you should be happy for him. He's been alone for a long time, and you know how the Expanse experience has changed him. He suffered a lot ... he'll never be the man we used to know."  
"I'm aware of that ..."  
"Niki Parker could be the key for him to find some peace of mind." Phlox looked T'Pol straight in the eyes. "But you don't want this to happen, do you?"

The sickbay doors opened. It was Archer.  
"Hoshi told me you were here ... you ok?" he seemed worried.  
"There's nothing to worry about, Captain." Phlox smiled "Sub-Commander T'Pol has only an headache, I was going to treat her." he put an hypospray againts her neck. They both knew it was the remedy to stabilize her synaptic pathways.  
"Thank you, Doctor." T'Pol noticed her hands had stopped trembling.  
"You're welcome, Sub-Commander."  
Archer looked at T'Pol for a moment without talking.  
"If you feel better, I would like to have a word with you."  
Phlox left them alone discreetly.  
"Captain, I wish to apologize for ..."  
Archer interrupted her: "I'm sorry as well, T'Pol." he sighed. "I don't wanna argue with you anymore."  
"Neither do I." she answered.  
"What happened to us, T'Pol?"  
She looked at him as she didn't understand.  
He continued: "We are not just the Captain and the First Officer ... we used to be friends. Am I wrong?"  
"No ..."  
"So why does it seem you dislike me since we went to Vulcan?"  
"What?" she was really surprised.  
He took her by her shoulders.  
"I thought my experience on Vulcan would help me understanding you better. But it seems this bothers you ... you even didn't allow me to comfort you for the loss of your mother."  
"Vulcans don't need consolation." she said stiffly.  
"I had more than enough of your 'vulcans do' and 'vulcans don't'!" he turned his back to T'Pol with anger.  
T'Pol hesitated for a moment, then she put a hand on his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry ... I don't dislike you, I never have ... it's been a difficult period ... I tried to make it alone, but ... it seems I can't."  
Archer turned his face to T'Pol. They locked eyes for a long moment.  
"Let me help you ... you're my friend, T'Pol. I trust you with my life."  
"I do as well" she whispered softly.  
Archer was tempted. He stared at her with affection ... but he knew that he could make the wrong move.  
So he smiled and said: "Will you promise that you'll come to me anytime you need help ... or just somebody to talk?"  
"Yes ..."  
He was going to leave, then he stopped: "T'Pol ..."  
"Captain?"  
"You may not believe that, but Surak once told me: 'Don't fight what's been given to you. Open your mind and your heart and the way will become clear' ... I'd wish you think about this."  
"I'll try." she watched him leaving sickbay. She felt a wave of feelings through her body and her mind... what was that?  
She didn't know, but whatever it was, she felt a lot better.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The man came from the dark while Niki was in her quarters, looking herself in the mirror.  
"You'd better be quick." she said coldly "The Captain will be here in a few minutes."  
"You'd better be careful of what you're doing Niki." he countered.  
"I know full well what I'm doing." she turned towards the man "I'm gonna enjoy some good time with my Captain."  
"You must focus on your mission, you can't be distracted by ..."  
Niki interrupted him: "I'm aware of what MY mission is ... MY life is at stake, not yours!"  
"Really? So why Archer will be on the shuttle with you tomorrow? This could compromise the release of your father!"  
"Let me do this thing in MY OWN way! I need a witness ... if your men make it the right way, it will seem an attempt to steal the shuttle with his classified equipments! And nobody will doubt about that!"  
"You wanna make me believe that you're not interested in Captain Archer on a personal basis? You're attracted to him!"  
"Does it make any difference?" she said sarcastically.  
"You know well he's not supposed to end up with you!"  
"I know well I'm not supposed to survive this mission!" she countered.  
"You're a resourceful woman ... you might find a way."  
"You already know I won't."  
"I don't really know anything for sure, Niki. If you make a single mistake, this mission could fail."  
"You're boring me to death! Get out of here. And make sure that everything is ready for tomorrow."  
"I will."  
The man disappeared. She sighed and then looked in the mirror again.

A few minutes later, Archer was there to pick her up.  
Niki's heart missed a beat ... he was stunning. He was wearing black slacks and a white shirt, his collar was unbuttoned and she could catch a glimpse of his hairy chest.  
Archer was amazed, too. Niki had a blue low-cut dress on, which enhanced her deep blue eyes. He could notice her long and tapered legs and the harmonious shape of her body. He felt sweetly intoxicated.  
"You look great, Niki" he smiled.  
"I could say the same thing about you, Captain." she said with a meaning look.  
"I would like you to call me Jonathan, this evening. We're both off duty."  
"Well ... Jonathan ..."  
He offered his arm to her: "Shall we go?"  
"Gladly."  
Walking through the corridor, Archer said: "I asked for a very special dinner ... I hope you like fish."  
"Yes I do ... it whets my appetite." she smiled.

Hoshi and Malcolm met them along the way. They greeted shortly.  
"Wow!" Hoshi exclaimed "I just can't believe it!" she giggled.  
"Believe what?"  
"The Captain! I hardly recognized him ... Niki's arrival was a blessing. They look so good together!" she smiled.  
"Nah ... Captain Archer would never be involved with a subordinate ..." he was sceptical. "And Niki could never ..."  
"Malcolm Reed! Are you jealous?" she accused him.  
"Not at all ... Niki has been my friend for years, I never thought to her in that way."  
"So, you're not going to disappoint my expectations, are you?" she said, slightly leaning towards him.  
"What?"  
"You promised to take me to the movie, Mal, don't you remember?" she whispered softly, putting one hand on his arm.  
They locked eyes for a moment, then Malcolm cleared his throat: "With pleasure."  
"So, I'm going to change. See you, Mal. Don't be late!" she went towards her quarters, silently thanking Niki for body language lessons.

Niki and Archer clinked glasses: "Cheers" she whispered.  
"Cheers" he answered smiling.  
Niki was amazed at the expression lines appearing around Archer's eyes when he smiled.  
"You should smile more frequently, Jonathan." she said "That suits you."  
Archer felt pleasantly puzzled. He had enjoyed Niki's company during the dinner more than he expected.  
"Smiling seems easier when you're around, Niki."  
"Don't give me too much credit" she said "I think it's time for you to recover some serenity, you deserve it."  
His face darkened: "I'm not sure I deserve anything."  
She put her hand over his: "Jonathan, I know you had a terrible experience in the Expanse. You were forced to make difficult choices. I know this doesn't comfort you, but if you had acted differently, Earth wouldn't exist anymore."  
She looked at him with care: "How could you cope with that?"  
"I couldn't." he answered.  
"So, it's time you stop torturing yourself and come back to life. You've got friends caring for you ... don't shut them out of your life anymore."  
"I'll try."  
"That's not enough, Jonathan." then she said jokingly "I'll keep an eye on you!"  
He smiled again, then he said: "Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone."  
"You never were." she said to him with a piercing look.  
He got lost for a moment in her eyes, then a crewman entered taking the desserts.  
Niki welcomed it with joy. Chocolate mousse with cream. "Wow! I LOVE whipped cream!"  
"You have a sweet tooth, don't you?" he asked.  
"You can bet!" she answered, dipping her finger in the cream and sucking it. She closed her eyes and moaned: "Delicious!"  
Archer stared at Niki in amazement. For a moment he saw an erotic image in his mind and felt aroused.  
"Jonathan" Niki's voice made him startle. "You ok?"  
"Uh? ... Oh, yes, yes I'm fine." he chuckled.  
"Movie begins in 5 minutes." she took him by the hand "We should go."  
They reached the hall hand in hand.  
They didn't notice T'Pol sitting near Phlox in the row behind.  
She watched them eating popcorn and whispering in their ear during the movie. She heard Archer's laughter watching the scene of Sally faking sex at the restaurant and the lady from another table saying "I'll have what she's having".  
Phlox noticed T'Pol's agitation.  
"Is everything ok, sub-commander?" he asked politely.  
She nodded: "I'm a little fatigued. I think I should rest." she left the hall silently.  
Phlox shook his head and watched Archer and Niki smiling at each other.  
He remembered the conversation with Archer in sickbay two years before: he felt attracted to T'Pol then. And he remembered also how he was desperate when he brought her back from the Seleya. He nearly regretted advising him not to tell her about his feelings, but he had always thought she didn't return them. Maybe now it was too late ...

Archer took Niki back to her quarters after the movie.  
"Thanks Jonathan, I think we spent a wonderful evening."  
"Thanks to you, Niki. I can't remember feeling so good for a long time." by instinct he took her hands and kissed them.  
He could smell her scent and looking into her eyes he wished to stay longer.  
"Niki ..."  
Their faces were dangerously close.  
"Jonathan ..." she whispered. It would have been easy asking him to stay ... too easy. She didn't want it to happen that way. "Goodnight, Captain" she said, breaking the spell of that moment.  
She entered her quarters and closed the door. She leant against it ... a tear rolled over her cheek.  
"I wish I could tell how much I care for you, Jon" she whispered "But I can't ..."

Archer was lying on his bed, thinking about Niki.  
He felt drawn to her, he couldn't deny that.  
If she hadn't stopped him, he surely had kissed her and maybe go further.  
"_What the hell I'm doing_" he thought "_I'm her superior ... I must be crazy!_"  
He wondered if it was just a matter of physical attraction ... but he decided it was something more than that.  
He closed his eyes cherishing the idea of dating her again, then he fell asleep like a child.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The morning after Archer had breakfast with Malcolm and T'Pol.  
Archer tried to have a little conversation, but she answered in monosyllables.  
Malcolm was too busy in wolfing his breakfast and didn't say anything.  
T'Pol seemed in a bad mood, so he asked: "Are you ok?"  
"Yes, Captain."  
"You didn't like the movie yesterday, did you? I noticed you didn't stay ..."  
"I preferred meditating."  
"What a pity ... it was very entertaining." he gave a ghost of a smile.  
"I have no doubt you enjoyed yourselves very much." she said sarcastically.  
"I beg your pardon?" he knitted his brow.  
"I noticed you and Lt. Parker ... had fun."  
"Yes, we did. Is something wrong?"  
"Not at all" she stood up "You should hurry, Captain. Lt. Parker is waiting for you in Launch Bay, I'm sure you don't wish to be late."  
"T'Pol!"  
"I'll be on the bridge." she said and went away.  
Malcolm scratched his head and said: "If I didn't know better, I'd say she was a little jealous."  
Archer felt uneasy and didn't finish his breakfast.

On his way to the Launch Bay, he thought about T'Pol's behaviour ... _Jealous?Nah!_ He shook his head. _There must be another explanation. One thing is certain, this woman will drive me crazy one of this days..._

When he entered Launch Bay, Niki was bent on a steel container checking equipment. The shape of her bottom was clearly visible under the uniform. Archer couldn't avoid gazing at it, then he felt awkward and cleared his throat.  
Niki stood up and smiled: "Good morning, Captain!"  
"Good morning, Lt. Parker."  
"Shuttle's ready, Sir. I ran a full diagnostics of the instruments, I'm pretty sure we'll land on the surface without inconvenience."  
"Why the third shuttle? You told me this was at an early stage of development ..." he asked perplexed.  
"Oh, I worked a lot on it and eliminated the malfunctions ... now it's at the same level of the other two."  
Archer looked at Niki hesitating. She made a gesture to invite him entering the shuttle.  
"Shall we go?" she smiled.

Malcolm met Hoshi in the corridor.  
"Good morning, Mal!" she said smiling.  
"Morning, Hoshi. Did you sleep well?"  
"Yes, wonderful. So Mal ... will you date me again?" she looked at him with a meaningful expression.  
"What?"  
"We had fun yesterday evening at the movie, didn't we?"  
They stopped in front of the turbolift. Malcolm asked himself if she was flirting with him.  
"... yes, we had." he answered, puzzled. To tell the truth, it had been a very pleasant evening, he thought, and Hoshi was so charming ...  
"So?" she tenderly put a hand on his chest.  
"So ... what?"  
"Come on, Mal ... it's up to you to make the first move!" she entered the turbolift slightly swinging her hips.  
Mal was speechless.  
"Enter! We are getting late to the bridge!"

Archer and Niki were on the surface since two hours.  
The bridge was quiet, everyone concentrated on his job.  
Trip entered and went to Malcolm's console.  
"Everything ok?"  
"Yes, everything's quiet. The Captain went on a reconnaissance with Lt. Parker on the surface, the new shuttle's working good."  
Trip giggled: "They stick together, uh?"  
Malcolm scolded him, lowering his voice: "You shouldn't say that HERE!"  
"Oh ... what about a coffee?" Trip winked.  
"Ok ..."  
As they left the bridge, Hoshi and Travis gestured to each other.  
"And they dare to accuse women liking gossip..." said Hoshi shaking her head.  
T'Pol tried not to show how disappointed she was, she only sighed and tried to concentrate on the console.  
_Phlox is right_ she thought _I don't want anything to happen between Jonathan and Lt. Parker but ..._ she was surprised by calling the Captain by his first name in her thoughts. An image of his face came in her mind, saying that they were friends.  
Suddenly she realized that friendship didn't suffice ...

Niki was digitizing some data on her PADD.  
They had collected samples and scans, the vegetation was poor but interesting.  
Archer watched Niki absorbed in her job and thought how she was different from the girl he had dated the night before.  
Very professional and respectful, she hadn't mentioned anything about their rendezvous.  
He was going to ask her about the shuttle, but suddenly their attention was captured by a strange noise.  
Archer checked the scanner and whispered: "5 bio-signs approaching."  
"Maybe they're civilians" she said "Wasn't this area supposed to be desert?"  
"Yes, but ..." Archer couldn't finish what he was going to say, because he was shot in the shoulder.  
He fell on the ground crying out with pain.  
Niki's reaction was rapid. She dragged Archer behind a bush and started to return fire.  
But suddenly someone coming from behind pointed a weapon against her head.  
"Don't resist." he said.  
Archer seized his leg with the uninjured arm, making him lose his balance. Niki took the opportunity for disarming him and with a quick caper she knocked him down.  
"Nice move" was Archer's comment.  
"Are you ok?"  
"Seems to be a flesh wound, but I'm not sure." he panted. He was bleeding plentifully. "Where are the others?"  
She checked the scanner: "Right in front of us."  
Archer tried to contact Enterprise, but realized the communicator couldn't grab the signal.  
Also Niki's communicator was not working.  
"Crap!" she hissed "They're shielding our transmissions!"  
Archer watched the unconscious humanoid on the ground "I don't recognize this species." The humanoid had some feline features on his face and leopard spotted skin.  
"We must reach the shuttle as quickly as we can." Niki said.  
"Any idea?" he asked.  
"We could run in semicircle behind those rocks" she showed him "You go first and I will cover you."  
"Forget it, I'm not leaving you!"  
"Captain, you're bleeding and getting weaker! It's pointless acting differently."  
He knew she was right, but he still hesitated.  
"I'll be right behind you, now go!" she reassured him with a smile.  
He ran as quickly as he could. He reached the shuttle door and was opening it, but a voice behind made him stop.  
"Not so fast, human."  
He turned around and saw another humanoid of the same feline species.  
He tried to use the phase pistol, but the humanoid shot him in the leg and Archer collapsed on the ground in pain.  
"Don't be stupid, human. If you surrender, you won't be harmed any further."  
Niki came out suddenly and attacked the humanoid.  
"You, bastard!" she hissed.  
Archer saw her moving fast and hitting him with a series of rapid punches and kicks.  
Then she grasped him by the head and broke his neck, killing him at the moment.  
She ran towards Archer and lifted him easily with her arms.  
"How the hell could you..." Archer muttered, really surprised by her strength.  
"There's no time, the others are approaching!"   
She entered the shuttle and laid Archer on the floor.  
He had lost consciousness.  
Niki started the engines. She was trembling with anger.  
_It was not supposed to be this way, Daniels! I swear I'll kill you!_ she thought.  
The shuttle quickly left the surface.  
"Enterprise, please respond! We are under attack!"  
Hoshi answered: "_Enterprise here, what's happening?_"  
"We were attacked by humanoids of an unknown species on the surface. Captain Archer is injured! I left the surface with the shuttle, we'll be there as soon as possible."  
"_We don't pick any starship's signal around the planet, you should ..._"  
The shuttle was heavily hit in that moment.  
"There may be no starship, but something's targeting us!" Niki said "We'll be in the transport range in 60 seconds, beam aboard the Captain first, I'll try some evasive manoeuvres."  
"_Acknowledged._"  
Archer's body disappeared and Niki gave a sigh of relief when Enterprise confirmed he was safe aboard.  
The shuttle was hit again.  
She wanted to return fire but the instruments gave her no target, it seemed like the enemy was completely invisible.  
Then she realized that the shuttle had been hooked and they were trying to tow it.  
She released the rescue capsule from the shuttle and murmured: "Goodbye father".  
The capsule faded away as it didn't exist anymore, but the shuttle was still hooked.  
Niki shouted: "You've got what you want, now let me go!"  
Nothing.  
So she digitized some codes on the console.  
An automatic voice said: "_Self-destruction initialized ... input the final sequence_."  
She tapped the sequence.  
"_Self-destruction in 15 seconds, 14, 13 ..._"  
"Enterprise, one to transport, quickly!"  
"_9, 8, 7 ..._"  
"_Understood._"  
"_5, 4, 3, 2, 1_"  
The shuttle exploded ... and then there was only the silent and cold space.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

T'Pol was near Archer's biobed in sickbay. He was still unconscious. Phlox had told her that he was weak, but there was no danger of death. T'Pol watched how serene seemed his face, the thick eyelashes closed on those beautiful green eyes she longed to see once again. By instinct she raised her hand to brush his hairs ... she shivered at the contact. She asked herself what was the meaning of this emotion that was nearly overwhelming her. She was afraid to know ... _Vulcans don't experience fear!_ she tried hard to convince herself of that ... but she lost.  
Archer moaned, trying to open his eyes. When he focused T'Pol's face, he couldn't believe what he saw. A tear was rolling on her cheek.  
"T'Pol!" he murmured.  
T'Pol tried to regain her composure, drying her face with the back of her hand.  
Archer felt flattered ... _maybe she cares for me, a little ..._ he thought.  
"How do you feel ... Captain?"  
"Not bad ... it hurts only if I breathe" he tried to joke. "Were you worried about me?"  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow: "Worried?"  
"I'm not used to see you cry, T'Pol ..."  
T'Pol couldn't deny it, so she remained silent, avoiding his eyes.  
Archer raised a hand and gently stroked her cheek.  
"There's nothing to worry about ... I'm here, I'm OK" he said, tenderly "Now, let me know what happened."  
"After you left the surface, the shuttle was attacked. Lt. Parker couldn't return fire because the enemy was ... invisible."  
"What?"  
"Our sensors didn't trace anything out there ... but there was something firing on the shuttle." she paused "Lt. Parker made you beam aboard for your own safety and tried to reach Enterprise, but the shuttle was hooked."  
Archer became worried: "And?"  
"She decided to initialize the shuttle self-destruction. The shuttle exploded."  
A shiver ran down Archer's spine.  
"Where is Niki? Is she ..."  
"She's fine. We could beam her aboard 1.5 seconds before the explosion."  
Archer sighed in relief.  
"You know ... she saved my life. I couldn't have forgiven myself if ... she died."  
"I know, Captain" T'Pol silently thanked Niki for that.  
Phlox appeared behind the curtain.  
"Very well, very well! Our patient is awake" he smiled. Niki was with him.  
"Glad to see you're OK, Captain." she said with a smile.  
"Thanks to you, Niki." he said "I never suspected you could be so strong and good in close combat."  
"When I went to Nepal, I didn't spend all my time in meditation, Sir." she winked at him.  
"You're pretty full of surprises." he grinned and tried to get up, but Phlox pushed him down.  
"No, no, Captain, you're not going anywhere right now. You need to rest and recover from your injuries."  
Archer sighed: "Come on, Doctor, I need to go to the bridge and ..."  
Niki interrupted him: "You're forgetting that T'Pol is the acting Captain, Sir. The ship is in good hands."  
T'Pol nodded: "We have already reported the incident to StarFleet and we are making long-range scans to check if that "invisible" ship can be detected."  
"So, everything is done and you can't desobey your Doctor's orders." Niki added.  
Archer looked at both women and surrendered: "You two together can't be defeated."  
"Don't even try, Captain." Niki gave an understanding look to T'Pol, who said: "Recover soon." then they left sickbay together.  
Archer sighed again.  
Phlox giggled: "Womens! Some of them are so charming, no matter what species they are. If you were Denobulan, Captain, you should marry them both!"  
Archer looked at his Doctor questioningly: "Are you pulling my leg, Doctor?"

At the end of her shift, Niki went to her quarters to change for physical exercises.  
She found Daniels waiting for her.  
Her reaction was quick and furious. She catched him by the throat and put him against the wall, lifting Daniels from the floor without effort.  
"You bastard!"  
"Calm down, Niki" he said with muffled voice.  
"It was a simple task to perform ... just get the shuttle and free my father! But your squad nearly killed the Captain! You're so stupid you're not even able to organize a fake attack. I was a fool to listen to you!"  
"Niki, let me explain ..."  
Niki sighed and let him go: "Just get out of here."  
"Your father is safe ... he has already reached his destination and is in good condition."  
"I don't give a damn about him!"  
"Why are you so angry?"  
"Those humanoids have risked to endanger the outcome of my mission!"  
"Is this the only reason?"  
Niki didn't answer.  
"You're making a big mistake, Niki. You're putting your personal feelings in this mission, I need you to face this with detachment, otherwise ..."  
"I'll do what I have to. I won't back down."  
"I hope so." Daniels sighed "Next weeks will be quiet, so you will have time enough to prepare for the next move."  
"I'll be ready."  
He disappeared.

Enterprise had resumed course and Captain Archer had fully recovered from his injuries.  
A few weeks had passed quietly and Niki had nearly completed shuttle flight tests. She was working around the last phase: shuttle weapons.  
When she was off duty, she spent a lot of time with Hoshi and T'Pol. The three women had developed a good relationship and T'Pol seemed at ease when she was with them.  
Niki had developed friendship with Archer too. They often had dinner or movie together. There was a strong attraction between them, and Niki was secretly pining for a kiss, but every time there was a moment ... Archer backed out.  
Niki didn't want to push things, so she just enjoyed the time she could spend with him.  
On the other side, Archer was trying to draw near T'Pol again. She seemed less edgy than before and Archer wanted to try to understand her better. The image of a crying T'Pol in sickbay was still in his head, he wanted to find out more about that.

Niki, Hoshi and T'Pol were together on the floor in the lotus position, forming a triangle; their eyes were closed and they were holding hands.  
Niki was speaking calmly: "May your body be still and comfortable... May your head, neck and trunk be aligned... May your breath be smooth, slow, serene, and with no pauses... May the flow of thoughts in your mind not disturb you... May your meditation today bring you peace, happiness and bliss..."  
Niki and T'Pol were perfectly relaxed, but Hoshi felt uncomfortable.  
After a couple of minutes, she sighed and opened her eyes: "Sorry, I just ... can't concentrate, tonight."  
"You don't need to concentrate, Hoshi ... you need to relax." Niki smiled "What's wrong?"  
Hoshi hesitated.  
"We might help." T'Pol added kindly.  
"It's ... it's Malcolm ... I don't know if I did something wrong but ... he's been avoiding me lately."  
"Oh, oh, heart matters!" Niki teased her. "Did you use too much "body language", Hoshi?"  
"I don't know ... maybe he just doesn't like me."  
"Or maybe he's running away, because he likes you too much." Niki said.  
"Really?" Hoshi opened her eyes wide, full of hope.  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow: "That's not logical."  
"Humans are highly illogical, you should know that, T'Pol." Niki smiled "And men are so unpredictable when their hearts are into play. Sometimes they are afraid to show affection for a woman."  
"I don't understand."  
"If you want to learn more about human males, T'Pol ... you should spend more time with human women ... our point of view could be enlightening." Niki winked at Hoshi.  
"I'm wondering how you developed your feelings for Lt. Reed after such a long time." T'Pol was curious about that.  
"Oh I guess ... I was attracted to him from the very start ... but I'm not the kind of woman who bases a relationship only on physical attraction. It takes a long time to get to know well a man ... considering we're on a starship. And spiritual attraction is more important to me." Hoshi explained.  
"Physique is important too, Hoshi. And you could say that Malcolm is well equipped." Niki chuckled.  
Hoshi giggled.  
"Yeah, he's got a nice ass, don't you agree?" Niki joked.  
"Nice ass?" T'Pol looked both questioningly.  
"A Vulcan could say that Lt.Reed's posterior is aesthetically pleasing."  
"Niki, you're incorrigible" Hoshi laughed heartily.  
T'Pol seemed confused by their behaviour.  
Hoshi stopped laughing and asked to Niki: "So, what am I supposed to do about Malcolm?"  
"Put him on the wrong track."  
"What?"  
"You showed him your interest ... and he didn't make the move. Now it's time you ignore him ..."  
"But, Niki ..." Hoshi tried to protest.  
"Men hate being ignored! Have a little fait, Hoshi ... you might be surprised."


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Some days later, Niki and Malcolm were having dinner in the mess-hall.  
Niki was talking about something, but Malcolm wasn't really listening.  
His attention was captured by Hoshi and a MACO drinking coffee and laughing together in the near table.  
"Malcolm!" Niki called him for the third time.  
"Uh!"  
"It's like talking to a brick wall." she teased him.  
"Sorry." he mumbled, pretending to be interested in his meal. "I was lost in thought."  
"I see ... a thought with almond-eyes."  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Don't play dumb with me, Mal ... I've known you for years. You've got your eye on her since she entered the mess-hall."  
Malcolm looked at Niki like he was catched red-handed. "I was just ... curious."  
"Curious."  
He nodded. Then he stared at Hoshi leaving with the MACO. His hand touched lightly Hoshi's shoulder.  
Malcolm's face became sulky.  
"Something wrong?"  
"No ... no, I was just ... wondering ..."  
"What?"  
Malcolm finally bursted: "She ignores me ... she spends all her free time with you and T'Pol ... and now she's familiar with that ... MACO!"  
"You sound insulting when you say MACO like that." Niki objected.  
"What the hell can she have in common with that man ..."  
"God, Mal! They were only talking." Niki sighed.  
"I wouldn't call that talking ... they were looking at each other as if they wanted to ... you know ..."  
Niki interrupted him: "You're jealous."  
"No, I'm not!"  
"Admit it."  
"You're wrong, I'm only concerned about a friend."  
Captain Archer entered the mess-hall just to take a cup of coffee.  
He made a big smile at Niki and she returned it.  
Malcolm asked maliciously: "Is there anything between the two of you?"  
"Not yet." she answered, still gazing at Archer.  
"You're on a dangerous road, Niki. He's the Captain."  
"Why don't you mind your own business, Mal'? Me and Hoshi are grown-up, we don't need a guardian angel."  
Malcolm remained silent.  
Niki got up: "Have you made a programme for this evening?"  
"Not really."  
"What about some physical exercise ... just to ease ... tension, you know."  
Malcolm asked: "What do you have in mind?"  
"We haven't challenged each other for such a long time ... meet me in gym in 30 minutes." she winked at him and went towards Archer.  
"Good evening, Sir."  
"Good evening, Niki. Coffee?"  
"No, thanks. I'm going to gym with Malcolm. A kick-boxing challenge ... would you mind to join us?"  
"Unfortunately I've got some reports to complete. Maybe later."  
"I'll wait for you." she smiled and left the mess-hall.

Niki was in Hoshi's quarters. They were laughing heartily at Malcolm's behaviour.  
"You were right, Niki. Since I started ignoring him, he's becoming mad at me."  
"He's nearly done, Hoshi. Now I'm going to soften him a little."  
"Don't be too hard, Niki."  
"Don't worry ... I'll return him all in one piece."

Malcolm was on the floor, panting.  
Niki said: "Had enough?"  
He got up: "You haven't won, yet."  
"You need to concentrate."  
"I'm ok, Niki."  
"On guard!" she gave him a punch.  
"Ouch!"  
Niki moved fast and knocked him down once again.  
"Ok, Mal' ... I think now it's enough."  
She sat on the floor near him.  
"It was no fun ... you're absent-minded tonight."  
He sighed: "Ok, Niki ... I know you won't leave me alone."  
"Not until you admit you have feelings for her."  
"She's a charming woman, she's smart, she's sweet ... she's all I dreamed about ... but I can't!"  
"Why? What is stopping you from ..."  
"Starfleet regulations!"  
Niki bursted out laughing. She mimicked him: "Starfleet regulations! Go to the hell, Malcolm!"  
"It's no laughing matter, Niki."  
"Yes, it is. Some rules are meant to be broken."  
"You're telling me you would be ready to break rules with the Captain?"  
"Sure! If he gives me a chance, I'll take it. Life is worth living."  
"You're forgetting who we are and why we are on starship."  
"I'm not forgetting anything. You're a damned good tactical officer and I'm a good pilot. Loving someone won't change the way we serve Starfleet."  
"Let us assume that you're right and I forget regulations ... this is a dangerous mission, we could be ordered to death at any time. Being romantically involved with someone would make it harder ... and painful."  
"I'm ready to die if this is necessary!" Niki stated "But as long as I live, I wanna get everything life can offer me ... and love is the most important thing."  
Malcolm looked at Niki thoughtfully. She hadn't changed over the years: the same strong and passionate girl he had met at Starfleet Academy. And a sincere friend, always there if needed.  
"What if Hoshi doesn't return my feelings?"  
"If you don't talk to her, you'll never know." she looked at him with a meaningful smile.  
"I'll think about it ..."  
She helped him to get up.  
"Do you want me to put in a good word for you?"   
He smiled and put his arm around her shoulders:  
"Have I ever told you that I'm fond of you, Niki?"  
"Not recently" she chuckled.

Archer entered the gym whistling.  
"Too late?" he asked.  
"No, Captain ... at least you didn't see her making me cut a poor figure ..." Malcolm answered.  
"It's only a matter of training" was Niki's comment.  
"I feel well-trained tonight, Niki. Can we try?"  
"Why not?" she answered mischievously.  
"Be careful Captain ... she's a devil!" Malcolem joked "As to me, I need a good night sleep." he winked "Enjoy yourselves!"

After a few minutes, Archer regretted his decision.  
Niki was a strong and agile opponent, she moved so fast he couldn't foresee her movements.  
He found himself on the floor once again, this time Niki was over his back.  
"Ok ... I give up." he muttered.  
She let him go and he got up. He was panting and sweating: "You're really a devil, Niki. I wouldn't like to be in your enemy's shoes. You're exceptionally strong." he wiped his brow with a towel.  
"Strenght has nothing to do with this, Jonathan." she stared at him, attracted by his athletic build.  
He was distracted by her look and his towel fell on the floor. They both kneeled to pick it up and their faces were so near they could nearly touch.  
"Am I interrupting?"  
T'Pol was there, looking at them. She seemed slightly irritated.  
"No, T'Pol ..." Archer answered trying to hide his embarrassment. "She has just beaten me in kick-boxing."  
"I see."  
"I need a shower ... see you later." Niki went towards the dressing room.  
T'Pol remained silent, with folded arms.  
Archer felt like her eyes pierced him. He couldn't stand up to her gaze, so he began to pace.  
"Why do you make me feel like I did something wrong?" he asked.  
"I think you shouldn't have a relationship with a subordinate."  
"I have NO relationship with Lt. Parker! We were just going in for sport!"  
"If you like to call that sport ..."  
He turned towards her ... he could read in her eyes she was disappointed.  
He put his hands on her shoulders.  
"T'Pol ... this seems almost a scene of jealousy. I could be flattered by that."  
She raised an eyebrow.  
"You're wrong. I'm only worried about your behaviour."  
"Worried?" he grinned. "How much do you worry about me?"  
She lowered her eyes, but he cupped his hand under her chin and their eyes met again.  
"When I saw you crying for me in sickbay, I just couldn't believe it ..." he whispered tenderly "Does it mean that you care for me as much as I care for you?"  
T'Pol felt her legs trembling ... his scent was so intoxicating.  
Archer said with hoarse voice: "T'Pol ... please ... talk to me ..."  
She raised her hand to caress his face, but when she touched him, she felt something she didn't expect. A flood of overwhelming emotions poured on her. She felt lost ... and frightened. It was too much, too soon ...  
He interpreted her gesture as a sign of affection and gently met her lips.  
T'Pol's reaction was totally unexpected. She hit his face violently, throwing him on the floor.  
Archer was stunned. He looked at her as he didn't recognize her anymore.  
She was standing there, her eyes wide-open, disbelieving what she had done.  
Archer touched his nose and looked at his fingers covered with blood.  
"A simple no was more than enough, T'Pol." he mumbled.  
She shaked herself from her dismay and went towards Archer to help him, but he said roughly: "Get away from me!"  
She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound was given out.  
So she could do nothing but run away from him.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Archer was still sitting on the gym's floor, trying to wipe away the blood from his face, when Niki came out of the dressing room.  
She knelt down to help him: "Jonathan ... oh my God ..."  
He raised his eyes and looked at her without saying anything.  
It was written all over his face how deeply hurt he was.   
She ran to pick up a damped towel and started to clean his hands and gently tampon his nose.  
"You need a doctor, Jon, you're still bleeding."  
"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." he answered brusquely.  
"I won't do that." she rose to her feet and gave him a helping hand to get up. "Let's go to sickbay."

"Captain, you'll be happy to know that your nose is not broken. The trauma will heal in a few days." stated Phlox, turning off his scanner.  
Phlox had managed to stop the bleeding and cure the contusion, but a bruise was clearly visible on Archer's face.  
"Thanks, Doctor." he muttered.  
Phlox looked questioningly at Niki and Archer: "You two haven't explained to me what happened yet."  
"It was my fault" said Niki, before Archer could say a word. "We were practising kick-boxing and I let things get out of hand. I'm so sorry, Captain ..."  
"I suggest you stop this kind of practice for a while." Phlox grinned.  
"Certainly." she answered.  
Phlox slapped Archer on the shoulder: "You're free to go ... get some rest. I suggest you take the day off tomorrow, Captain."  
Archer nodded and left sickbay with Niki.  
They walked silently through the corridor.  
When they reached the door to his quarters, Archer said: "Thanks for the lie, but it wasn't necessary."  
"I thought you didn't feel like telling the truth to the Doctor. I just wanted to get you out of ..."  
He interrupted her: "You don't know what happened, so don't make a guess!"  
His voice was rough and she could sense his anger.  
Niki sighed: "I know it's not my business, but it's quite evident that you didn't get hurt by yourself."  
Archer winced with pain.  
"Does it hurt? Do you want me to bring ..." Niki asked, worried.  
"I don't need a nurse, Niki."  
"Certainly not. Good night, Captain."  
Archer opened the door to his quarters.  
"Good night." he muttered.  
Niki turned her back on Archer and walked away, with a lump in her throat.  
She had seen something in his eyes she didn't like at all.

Archer threw himself on the bed fully dressed.  
He was stunned. He just couldn't believe it.  
_Why was I so foolish?_ he thought.  
He cursed himself. He had forgotten for a moment he was her superior. This was totally inappropriate! He had even forgotten she was married. He sighed deeply.  
_Why did she cry when I was injured? Why was she jealous of Niki since the first moment she had come aboard and be her friend at the same time?_ he shook his head, he couldn't understand.  
_Maybe I misunderstood the meaning of her behaviour. I thought she was jealous, because I wished so. I wanted so desperately she cared for me. But she doesn't. And now I've ruined everything ... even our friendship._  
He tossed and turned in bed, he could find no peace.  
He recalled the scene in the gym. Her eyes were so sweet ... she had caressed his cheek and he had found the courage to kiss her lips. The soft lips he had dreamed about for years.  
But she had pushed him away ... violently ... making him feel miserable.  
He felt like hating her. He started trembling in anger.  
He buried his face in his hands. He couldn't help himself. He gave into tears.

T'Pol was in her quarters, sitting on the floor, trying to regain control.  
She barely heard the chime buzz.  
"Come in."  
It was Niki. She silently sat on the floor in front of T'Pol.  
"You know ... I'm angry with you, T'Pol" she said this in a low voice.  
T'Pol sighed deeply: "I assume the Captain told you that..."  
Niki interrupted her: "He didn't say anything ... but it was quite evident what happened."  
"How is he?"  
"Phlox says he'll be fine in a few days. I told him it was a kickboxing accident."  
"I didn't mean to hurt him."  
"But you did." Niki said sharply. "And I'm not talking about his nose."  
T'Pol looked away, speechless.  
"When I looked into his eyes and sensed how deep he was hurt ..." Niki shook her head "I felt a rip in my heart."  
T'Pol stared at her: "You have feelings for him."  
"You too, T'Pol." was Niki's comment.  
"I don't know what I ... feel."  
"Feeling is not a shame, T'Pol. I know you Vulcans suppress emotions, but that doesn't mean you don't experience them."  
T'Pol looked at Niki pensively. "It's not easy to explain ..."  
"Try. At least help me understand why." Niki insisted. "I don't think he deserved this."  
"Did you know that Vulcans are touch-telepaths?"  
"I heard something about that."  
"I touched his face ... and I felt his emotions. He overwhelmed me. I had to stop that." she swallowed.  
Niki was puzzled: "I don't get it. You should be accustomed to human emotions, you have been around them for years. Should I believe that you never touched him or someone else before?"  
"Yes I did ... but normally I can shield myself from human emotions. This time ..." she took a breath "I could not raise my mental shields to protect me."  
"Maybe you wouldn't."  
T'Pol opened her eyes wide.  
"Even if you bravely suppress your emotions, T'Pol ... I think you're attracted to them ... and you want to test them. It's like a drug ..."  
T'Pol was shocked by Niki's words. She talked like she knew ... but that was not possible. Only Phlox was aware of her past Trellium-D addiction ... he had kept the secret, she was sure of that. So, how could Niki read her so easily? That was inexplicable.  
Niki went on: "That's the reason why you're the only Vulcan that lasted so long on a human starship. Even if you don't understand us entirely, you've developed a kind of affinity with us."  
"I suppose I should thank you for being so true to me, Niki."  
"You're welcome." Niki paused "I feel respect and admiration for you, T'Pol. And, as your friend, I want to be honest and tell you what I think. Even if it's not agreeable."  
"I see."  
"One last thing, T'Pol: you should talk to Jonathan, explain how you feel."  
"I don't know how I feel, yet." T'Pol stated "And I'm doubtful he would understand."  
"You underestimate your Captain, T'Pol." Niki gave half a smile. "I think he's ready to accept you as a Vulcan, now. He made a long and hard journey to get to this. But he made it." She took her hands: "But the question is: are you ready to accept him as a Human? With everything that's involved?"  
T'Pol remained silent for a while, then she answered: "Not yet."  
"If you care for him, you'll have to work hard on this."  
Niki rose to her feet and went towards the door.  
"He's attracted to you." T'Pol said this feeling bothered.  
"I know ... but that's not enough." Niki sighed "I don't think I have a chance."  
T'Pol said: "Niki ... do you really love him?"  
"With all my heart." she confirmed.  
"And ... you don't hate me? I know that humans are very possessive."  
"No, T'Pol. I don't hate you. But if you hurt him again, I could change my mind."  
She went out, leaving T'Pol with a sense of guilt.

Niki was in her quarters, looking at old photographs.  
There she was with Jeremy Parker, her beloved daddy. She was only 12 years old and she had just won a local competition of Rhythmic Gymnastics. He was so proud of her, then. She kissed the photo.  
"I miss you, daddy" she sighed.  
Then she looked inside a big bag: ropes, ribbons, a hoop, a ball, two clubs ... and some gym costumes. She had nostalgic feelings.  
It was very late, but Niki didn't feel sleepy at all.  
She was still worried for Jonathan and hurt by his hardness.  
She felt the wish for losing herself in music, so she could forget all this for a while. So she started something that would have got into a secret habit.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Rumour had it that Airlock-Archer was back.  
The days following the gym incident, Archer had isolated himself from the rest of the crew.  
He had meals alone, he buried himself in his job, he didn't attend to movie nights or other recreative activities anymore.  
Niki noticed he was building walls around himself, but she wisely decided to give him some time to heal and kept at a distance.  
T'Pol had tried more than once to talk to Archer in private to make things clear, but he always had an excuse ready to avoid her.

When Enterprise reached a region of space near a comet he was eager to examine, he made the decision of going on reconnaissance with a shuttlepod, alone.  
When he left the bridge saying he was going away for a day or two, T'Pol decided to reach him in launch bay.  
Archer was loading the shuttlepod with the last equipments. He was aware of her presence, but looked away trying to seem busy.

"Captain, I need to speak with you." her voice was calm but also imperative.  
"If it isn't a ship's matter, you should wait until I come back." he answered roughly, checking the contents of a case as if it was the most important thing at the moment. "And you're not coming with me, this time ... that's not a matter open for debate."  
"If you're trying to make me feel ... guilty, you're being successful." she muttered.  
"I didn't think Vulcans could feel guilty" he commented sarcastically.  
T'Pol stared at him ... she could sense his grudge, but she decided to insist.  
"It's illogical avoiding me and refusing to listen to my reasons." she said, folding her arms.  
"What happened in the gym has nothing to do with your damned logic!" he raised his voice.  
"Nevertheless, it has a logical explanation." she answered back.  
Archer sighed: "I don't wanna know, T'Pol."

He entered the shuttlepod and she quickly followed him and closed the shuttle door.  
"T'Pol ..." he snorted.  
"Let me say what I have to ... then I'll leave you alone."  
"You don't give me other options, do you?" he yielded.  
T'Pol looked him straight in the eyes. She couldn't understand his aggressive attitude as a reaction to being hurt.  
"I apologize ... if I hurt you. I didn't mean to do that." she paused "I know I overreacted."  
"It's not the first time you overreact, T'Pol ... don't tell me you didn't have time to meditate, I don't get it." he turned the other way.  
"Please don't interrupt me, Jonathan."  
Being called by his first name, made him stare at her.  
"I assume you already know that Vulcans are touch-telepaths."  
He nodded.  
"I trained myself to raise mental shields to protect me from human emotions ... but when I touched your face my shields weren't working ... I was overwhelmed by your ... emotional attachment and had an instinctive reaction."  
"Beat me." he said, bitterly.  
Her definition "emotional attachment" seemed so cold and detached. '_How very Vulcan_' he thought.  
"Was it so bad, T'Pol?"  
"What?"  
"Feeling me." Archer tightened his lips, feeling his heart aching.  
T'Pol hesitated for a long time before answering: "No, but it was ... unsettling."  
"I had forgotten that unchecked emotions can be distasteful to Vulcans." he said, remembering T'Pau's comment on Vulcan.  
"I did not use that term." she answered, a little edgy.  
"But the term "unsettling" is not a good one, is it?"  
"You're misunderstanding its meaning."  
"Recently I misunderstood a lot of things from you ..." he sighed deeply. "I thought there was ... a moment ... between us, but it's clear I was wrong. My fault, sorry."  
T'Pol felt a wave of emotions assailing her ... she tried to fight them ... then she remembered Jonathan telling her that she had to open her mind and her heart ... but she wasn't ready yet.  
Archer had hoped that T'Pol proved him wrong, that she said there was that moment ... but he realized he was a fool.  
"It's better we stop this conversation, T'Pol. We are not getting anywhere."  
She opened the shuttle door to get out, then she turned back.  
"I didn't came here to blame you of anything. I only thought that an explanation was necessary."  
"I haven't heard one thing that explains your behaviour before you hit me ... your tears, for example ... your jealousy." he said, out of patience.  
"I already told you that ..."  
He interrupted her: "What about your ... husband?"  
"Koss has nothing to do with this." she muttered and got out of the shuttle.  
While she was going away, Archer appeared at the shuttle door.  
"What about Trip?" he urged.  
T'Pol stopped and stiffened. She slowly turned towards Archer. He was there, angry and hurt, waiting for an answer.  
"I have no answers for you." she said with a low voice, then she left launch bay.  
"What about me?" he whispered, but no one was there to answer.  
Archer gave a punch on the shuttle hull.  
'_Great!_' he thought '_I've made an ass of myself!_'

Niki was in the mess-hall having dinner with Hoshi. She was looking at the stars, distracted.  
"Did you lose your appetite?" Hoshi asked.  
"I was just ... thinking."  
"You miss him."  
"Who?"  
"The Captain." Hoshi smiled "You have a crush on him, don't you?"  
Niki nodded.  
"He's been out there for 2 days and still doesn't come back." she sighed.  
"He's studying the comet." Hoshi tried to reassure her.  
"It doesn't take so long to make some scans ..." she shook her head "He wants to stay alone."  
"He is that kind of man."  
"Indeed."  
Hoshi suggested: "Why don't you try to reach him? You're making tests with your shuttle, you could make a little ... detour." she winked.  
"Nah ... he would kick my ass!"  
"You never can tell."  
Niki gave half a smile to Hoshi: "Maybe."

"Good evening ladies! You two want some company?" Trip and Malcolm were there with their trays.  
"Why not?" said Hoshi "Have a seat."  
They made small talk during the meal, then Trip said:  
"You have plans for tonight?"  
"Nothing special ... what do you have in mind?" Niki asked.  
"A friendly poker?"  
"If you like losing ..." Niki teased him.  
"Wait a minute ... you don't know my great skill at playing cards, yet."  
"If we played strip poker, I could leave you in your underwear in a few hands." Niki looked at Trip defiantly.  
"We'll see who wins out!" Trip countered.  
"Mmmm ... this evening could be ... interesting." Malcolm glanced at Hoshi and she blushed slightly.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The morning after, Trip and Malcolm had breakfast together.

Malcolm was teasing Trip about Niki: "So, you cut a foolish figure yesterday."

"Next time she won't be so lucky!" he hissed.

Malcolm sniggered.

Trip changed the subject: "Is Niki making further tests with shuttle weapons today?"

"Yes, she's already in launch bay checking the instruments." Malcolm nodded "After the test she will pay the Captain a short visit."

"Really? Why?" Trip was curious.

"Mmmm ... she wants to convince him that it's time to come back."

"He's making scans of the comet, maybe he hasn't finished yet."

"He has completed the scans 24 hours ago, Trip. He's still out there because he's troubled. And Niki wants to cheer him up ..."

"Troubled? About what?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think he and T'Pol are pissed off at each other ... there has been an atmosphere of tension lately."

"I didn't notice." was Trip's comment.

"That's why you're always absorbed by your engines."

"At least my engines still need me." Trip lowered his eyes.

"You can't get T'Pol out of your head, mmm?"

"I must admit ... I miss her." he sighed "But I don't wanna talk about this, Mal ... back to the Captain, do you know why he's pissed off at her?"

Malcolm shrugged: "Not really. Someone told me they had an argue in launch bay before he left with the shuttlepod, but he couldn't hear what they were talking about ..."

"You're always well-informed." Trip said sarcastically.

"I was not investigating, Trip. I simply was told that ..."

Trip interrupted him: "Now I understand why Niki asked me to get the waterpolo finals through subspace mailbag! That's kind of her, a present for her Captain. She has a crush on him, uh?" he giggled.

"Likely. Sorry to tell you this, Trip, but I suspect she could be the reason why T'Pol argued with the Captain ..."

Trip's face fell: "What?"

"I may be wrong, but I noticed a couple of times that T'Pol was ... a little jealous ... seeing Captain Archer attracted to Niki."

"Nah! They're friends, she and Niki spend a lot of time together in meditation and reading that kind of "bible" ... sure you're wrong, Mal! And T'Pol can't be jealous of Capt. Archer, they've been friends for years." he made a gesture with his hand, as he wanted to push away that idea.

"I hope to be wrong, Trip. But Niki has almost finished tests ... 3 weeks left. I don't think Captain Archer will let her go back to Starfleet, he will ask her to stay on Enterprise ... and I suspect that Commander T'Pol won't be happy about that. Friends or not."

"Do you know you have a tortuous mind, Mal?" he bantered.

"I may guess right, Trip." he got up. "I have to go to the armory now, Niki is waiting for me to launch the fake targets for her tests."

Trip remained alone for a moment, puzzled. Then he shook his head: "Nah!" and made his way to engineering, thinking that Malcolm was just crazy.

o-o-o-o-o-

Archer heard the com: "_Shuttle One to Captain Archer_"

He knitted his brow.

"_Captain Archer, please respond_."

"Archer here."

"_Happy to see you're alive, Captain_." Niki joked.

"Was I supposed to be in danger, Niki?"

"_Tell me how you could survive for 3 days with those lousy rations and coffee_!"

He chuckled: "Where are you?"

"_Look at your left Captain. I just finished some tests and thought to make a little detour and say Hello_!" she said.

Archer looked outside and saw the shape of Shuttle One.

"How's the Shuttle? Good tests?" he asked.

"_I'm quite satisfied, Captain_." she answered "_Lovely view from here_."

"Yes, this comet is wonderful, don't you agree?"

Niki recited softly:

"**_The stars, like dust, encircle me / In living mists of light / And all of space I seem to see / In one vast burst of sight_**"

"Nice verses. Who's the poet?"

"_He's not a poet, Captain. He's a science-fiction writer of about two centuries ago. He imagined the future in a very special way: robots, misteries, one union of people and planets named 'Foundation'. His name was Isaac Asimov_."

"I didn't read his books. It sounds ... exciting."

"_It is. I could tell you a lot of stories about robots and The Three Laws of Robotics._"

"I look forward to." he smiled, for the first time after several days.

"_What about this evening_?" she suggested.

"I need to complete my job here, Niki." he didn't wish to go back to the Enterprise. He felt calm and safe, alone in his shuttlepod.

"_Permission to speak freely, Sir_?"

Archer folded his arms: "Why do I suspect you're going to speak your mind even if I don't allow you?" he asked ironically.

"_As a friend, I think I have to watch over your solitude, Jonathan_."

Archer remained silent for a moment, then said: "Go ahead."

"_I don't wanna know what's troubling you ... even if I have a clue. I think that staying alone is not a solution. You need your friends. And you have good friends here_."

"I know. But I need to make it alone." he sighed.

"_You really want to stay out here to watch the cold stars forever_?"

"I thought it was our job to reach and explore the "cold" stars ..." he teased her.

"_Listen to me, the stars ARE beautiful ... but I'd rather watch them from Earth, together with my family_."

"I thought you didn't have a family."

"_Not yet, but I'd like to. I don't wanna stay in outer space for all my life. This job's great and exciting, but ... I'd like to go back to Earth one day, enjoy the sun, the sea, the sunsets. Find my soulmate, raise children. Don't you want these things for you, too_?"

"Being a Starship's Captain doesn't give me time to think about building my own family."

"_You won't be a Captain forever, Jonathan. One day they will hold you down and put behind a desk. And it won't be easy, if you're alone_."

"Maybe you're right, Niki. I'll think about it."

"_Don't think too long. Remember, Gandhi once said: '**Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever**_.'"

"You're full of quotations, today." he chuckled.

"_I would quote the Bible, if that could convince you to come back with me. I'm displaying all my learning to make a great impression on you_." she laughed heartily.

"You don't give up easily, Niki, do you?"

She answered gently: "_We miss you, Captain ... even Porthos, he's longing for you. And ... I miss you too_."

"You're flattering me, Niki." he smiled.

"_What if I make an indecent proposal_?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"_19:00 Captain's Mess-hall: Beer, pizza, chips and ... watch the waterpolo finals with me and Trip_!"

"Sounds fun."

"_So_?"

"So what?"

"_What the hell are we waiting for_?"

He laughed: "Ok, ok ... I give up!" he started the shuttlepod engine.

All at once, solitude wasn't so attractive ... Niki was right, he needed his friends.

He drove back to Enterprise following Niki's trail.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It wasn't so easy for Archer working side by side with T'Pol.  
Tension was still there, and even if he tried hard to take their relationship back to a strictly professional level, his heart was aching.  
Niki was taking care of his free time, organizing basket games or other entertainments, sometimes involving Trip and other crewmembers and he was glad to leave it to her. At least he didn't have time to think about T'Pol; he didn't want to.  
T'Pol wasn't feeling better ... it was difficult to admit that his coldness was affecting her. Hours of meditation weren't effective enough and her emotions -in his presence- were too close to the surface.  
She hadn't even noticed that Trip was watching her, more than before. Malcolm had put a flea in his ear and he wanted to find out how much truth there was in his statements.

It was late at night and T'Pol was sitting alone in the mess-hall, sipping camomil tea.  
"May I?" was Trip's voice.  
"Please" she nodded.  
Trip sat down, feeling awkward: "We haven't talked much recently. How are you holding up?"  
"I'm fine."  
"How is your ... husband?"  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow: "I assume he's fine, too."  
"You "assume" ..." he repeated.  
"I didn't meet Koss, since my last visit to Vulcan. We exchange messages, occasionally. These were our agreements." she said dryly.  
"You have to admit it's a strange marriage."  
"I married him to fulfil my family obligations."  
"I'm aware of that. I was there, you remember?"  
"Yes."  
"Look ... maybe it's not my business, but you don't seem so "fine" as you pretend, T'Pol." he sighed.  
"This is your opinion."  
"You've lost weight."  
"I'm not particularly hungry." she said, averting her eyes from him.  
"And ... you seem edgy, when you're on the bridge."  
"Vulcans don't experience irritability."  
Trip was losing his temper, but he insisted: "What about your argument with the Captain?"  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Com'on T'Pol ... the tension between you two is so thick that you could cut it with a knife!"  
She lowered her eyes: "It's ... personal."  
"Personal." he said, sarcastically. "We were friends, once. You could confide in me, if you need someone to talk."  
She got up: "I should rest. I have the first shift tomorrow."  
He grabbed her hand: "T'Pol ... I know I shouldn't tell you this ... but I miss you."  
T'Pol stared at Trip for a long moment. She couldn't deny that her time with him had been ... pleasant. She still felt some kind of affection for him, but not in the same way he felt for her.  
She removed her hand from his: "You're right, Commander. You shouldn't tell me."  
She left the mess-hall, leaving Trip more confused than before.

Archer was in his ready room, checking some reports.  
The door chimed.  
"Come in!"  
Niki entered: "Captain, you wanted to see me?"  
"Have a seat."  
Niki sat down, quietly.  
"I understand your tests are almost completed."  
"Yes, Captain. I assume you've read my reports." she answered.  
Archer nodded. "Starfleet is highly satisfied with the results of your tests."  
"I'm glad to know that." she smiled.  
"And they appreciated the way you acted when that unknown species attacked us. You saved my life, too. I'm ... very grateful for what you did."  
"It was my duty ... and a pleasure, too."  
Archer gazed at her for a moment.  
"I'll get to the point, Niki. I was thinking ... what if I ask to Starfleet for you to become a regular crewmember of Enterprise?"  
Niki had a surprised and satisfied look at the same time. "Well ... I would be pleased."  
"No problem staying in outer space and exploring the "cold" stars?" he teased her.  
She chuckled: "No, Captain. But ... your crew is in full force, which task would you assign to me?"  
"Travis Mayweather asked for a leave of absence ... for a few months. His family has some problems. I would be glad if you could undertake his job and ... considering your rank and your skill ... take a more active part in our mission."  
"I'm flattered by your proposal, Captain, I'm glad to accept it."  
Archer smiled: "I don't know if Starfleet will be glad as well, they could deny my request."  
"That's possible." she nodded.  
"Until I get an official reply from them, I would appreciate if we could keep this between us."  
"As you wish, Captain." she got up. "Thanks for giving me your confidence."  
"Thanks for accepting. Dismissed."

Niki was in her quarters, thinking.  
"Congratulations, Niki." said Daniels.  
"It was time you showed up."  
"Now you're a member of this crew."  
"Not yet. Starfleet could refuse." she sighed.  
"They will not. Archer will convince them."  
"How much time before ... you know."  
"The timeline keeps fluctuating ... it could be a matter of days ... or weeks."  
"What if I fail?"  
"You can't. There's too much at stake!"  
"I must admit ... I'm afraid." she said in a low voice.  
"Of dying? That's a possibility, Niki, I told you since the beginning."  
"I know."  
"You're an Augment. You're exceptionally strong ... and smart. You have good chances!"  
"I hope so."  
"Your good chances could increase if you wouldn't let your personal feelings interfere."  
"Too late, Daniels." she said ironically.  
"So ... you're in love with him."  
"He's the real reason why I accepted this mission ten years ago."  
"How can this be possible? You didn't even know him!"  
"You showed me his life! It was like if I was ... there! You let me see his joy when Enterprise left spacedock for the first time ... you let me see his desperation in the Expanse ... his courage ... his strength of character! How could I be unmoved by that?"  
"I showed you a lot of things ... not only Archer's life."  
Niki remained silent.  
Daniels sighed: "I can't stay longer, nobody knows I'm here. I'm doing all this without permission."  
"I'm aware of that."  
"I don't know if I'll see you again ... but I wish you good luck."  
"Thanks."

The morning after Niki was running further tests with the second shuttle.  
She was running the engines at high speed and firing the fake targets that Malcolm had launched for her, when an alarm buzzed on Niki's control board.  
Malcolm noticed something strange on his scanners and hailed her:  
"Enterprise to Shuttle Two."  
"_Parker here._"  
"Is everything ok there?"  
"_I have some hull vibrations, but I think I can manage._"  
"I recommend you reduce speed immediately."  
"_Negative, Malcolm, I need to put engines under stress for my tests._"  
Another alarm buzzed.  
"Shuttle Two, the hull integrity might be compromised. Reduce speed, now!"  
"_Don't worry, Malcolm. I can make it. Parker out._"

"_Bridge to Captain Archer._"  
Archer was in his ready room.  
"Go ahead."  
"_I suggest you come here, Sir._"  
He reached Malcolm.  
"What's happening?"  
"I'm scanning strange vibrations in the shuttle's hull, she has lost 3 percent integrity but she doesn't want to reduce speed."  
Archer furrowed his brow looking at Malcolm's instruments.  
He looked at Hoshi: "Hail her."  
"Archer to Shuttle Two."  
"_Parker here._"  
"Lt. Reed has detected hull vibrations, you have to reduce speed."  
"_With all due respect, Captain, I'm perfectly in a position to manage the situation, there's only 3 targets left._"  
Malcolm said: "She has lost 5 percent integrity."  
"Shuttle Two, reduce speed. That's an order!" he raised his voice.  
"_But, Captain ..._"  
"Come back to Enterprise immediately. Test is over!"  
"_Aye, Sir._"  
Archer left the bridge in anger.

Trip opened the launch bay door and heared Archer's and Niki's voices. They were argueing.  
He hid to watch them without being noticed.  
Archer was pacing and Niki was trying to follow him to explain:  
"Captain, I could finish the test without problems, I was trained for this!"  
"Another couple of minutes at that speed and the shuttle could explode!"  
"That hull can bear a loss of 10 percent integrity without problems, look at the specs!"  
"I don't give a damn about your specs, I gave you an order!"  
Niki snorted: "My job is push these shuttles to the limit, why don't you let me do it?"  
"Your job is obeying my orders, not debate them!"  
Niki lost his temper: "**WILL YOU PLEASE ... STOP ... PACING!**"  
Archer stiffened: "What?"  
"I'm becoming sea-sick, will you stand still and listen to me, Sir?"  
Archer stared at her. Her eyes blazed ... he thought for a moment that she was even more charming when she was angry. But he pushed away that thought.  
She handed him a PADD.  
"This is the test schedule I got from Starfleet." she said in a low voice.  
He examined the data: "Here is shown that the shuttle can bear that amount of stress and even more without any danger ... and that you had to test it to the limit ... the vibrations were to be expected."  
"That's what I was trying to explain, Sir."  
Archer nodded.  
"It's evident I was wrong ... but I was really worried for your safety."  
"I know, Sir."  
"You have to understand that, no matter if I'm right or wrong, you have to obey my orders. Have I made myself clear?"  
"Yes, Sir."  
"Dismissed."  
She was going to leave launch bay, when Archer told her:  
"Really I was making you sea-sick?"  
"Just a little, Sir." she gave half a smile and went away.  
As the launch bay door closed, Archer heared someone laughing.  
Trip appeared, almost choking with laughter.  
"She's hard to get on with, Cap'n." he said.  
"Com'on Trip ..." he snorted.  
Trip patted him on the back and together they left launch bay.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Archer and Malcolm were having coffee in the Captain's mess-hall after a light dinner. They had talked all the time about some improvements Malcolm had in mind for the armory and Archer had approved them fully.  
"We'll be back to Earth in a couple of days, but I don't want to stay there long. We had a quiet journey, so there's no damage to be repaired, only the shuttles to be sent back to Starfleet for further development. Do you think you can get all the equipment you need in a few days?"  
"I think I can arrange everything in less than a week, Captain." Malcolm paused "You seem eager to go back to exploring."  
"I suppose that's what I was meant for since the beginning, Malcolm." he smiled.  
"If I'm allowed to ask ... what about Lt. Parker?"  
"What do you want to know?"  
"Will you let her go back to Starfleet, Sir?"  
Archer pondered before answering: "To tell you the truth ... I requested to have her as a regular crewmember of Enterprise."  
Malcolm couldn't hide his satisfaction: "I'm sure you won't regret it."  
"I don't have Starfleet's approval yet. You can't tell this to anyone, that's an order." he warned him.  
"I'll be as silent as the grave, Captain."  
"She's a smart woman. I'm sure she'll do a wonderful job here. Even if ..."  
"You have doubts?"  
Archer shook his head: "Not professionally, but on a personal level. I don't know ... sometimes it seems to me she's hiding something. It's just a gut feeling ..."  
"You don't know the 'real' Nikita Parker yet, Captain. But if you did, it would be a positive surprise." was Malcolm's comment.  
"I forgot you have known her for years."  
"It's difficult to find the right words to describe her ... she has many facets. I would like to show you one."  
"When?"  
"Late tonight. I'll pick you up at 24:00."

o-o-o-o-o-

T'Pol was in her quarters, sitting on the floor in the lotus position.  
She was hardly trying to clear her mind but her mother's image was pressing.

Memories of her childhood came back to her, when she was about 12 ... the time her sehlat had died and she couldn't stop crying, keeping the pet in her arms, sobbing bitterly.  
Her mother was there, staring at her silently, with a trace of disappointment on her face.  
"T'Pol ... it's dead, we should bury it."  
"No!" she clasped the pet in her arms more closely.  
T'Les sighed slightly: "We shouldn't even have this conversation. Do you know what day is it?"  
"Kal Rekk." she muttered.  
"Precisely ... Kal Rekk. A day of atonement, solitude and silence. You should be in your room meditating and so would I."  
"But mother ..." she tried to protest.  
"You can't leave your emotions overwhelm you ... death is a logic conclusion of life, I taught you this."  
"But why my sehlat had to die so soon? Does logic has an answer to this?" she asked.  
"Logic has an answer to everything, T'Pol." she kindly took the pet away from her.  
"I can't understand." she wiped away the tears from her face.  
"You will." she helped her to stand up. "I think it's time for you to learn what it means to be Vulcan."  
T'Pol looked at T'Les questioningly.  
"It's time for the kahs-wan. You must keep pure logic from making you weak or helpless."  
T'Pol opened her eyes wide: "What if I fail?"  
"Don't fail." she answered calmly.  
Two days later T'Les had taken her to the desert. She had to survive there for 10 days without food, water and weapons.  
It had been a very hard test for her, but she had succeeded.  
But when she returned home, her mother received her coldly.  
"Mother ... I'm home."  
"I see."  
"Are you proud of me? I got through the kahs-wan."  
"Vulcans don't experience pride, T'Pol."  
T'Pol sighed: "I must be a bad Vulcan, mother ... because I don't understand you, most times."  
"You are not a bad Vulcan, T'Pol ... you're simply a child who has to learn. Your emotions are still too close to the surface. You will have to work hard on yourself to suppress them. But in time ... through meditation and logic ... you will succeed."

T'Pol opened her eyes, her bottom lip was trembling slightly ... she focused on the light of the candle and tried again to clear her mind. For some minutes it seemed that she was successful but then her mother came back to her again.

She remembered when she was in the Forge, taking care of Archer, who was consciousless after the ritual that T'Pau had tried to perform. Her mother had reached her in the cavern.  
"How is he?" she asked.  
"His breathing has stabilized, but his fever is still high." T'Pol answered dryly.  
"He agreed to the ritual."  
"If he hadn't, you would have forced him!"  
"Is it anger that I'm sensing from you?"  
"I'm only concerned for my captain. He could have died."  
"_Your_ captain ... very protective and possessive towards him. Living with humans for so long has changed you." was T'Les's comment.  
"I could say the same thing about you, living with the Syrrannites."  
"They are Vulcans as well."  
"They are violent ... and radical. You claim that Surak's teachings have been corrupted by the High Command, but you're no different."  
"There is a profound difference." T'Les objected.  
"You deceive yourself."  
"T'Pol ... once again you're leaving your emotions take the lead. I watched you during the ritual ... if I hadn't stopped you, I wonder what you would have done."  
"I didn't want him to die."  
"You are too emotionally attached to him. What's happening to you?"  
T'Pol didn't answer and looked away. T'Les moved closer to her and forced her to look her in the eyes.  
"First Commander Tucker ... now Captain Archer ... all this is ... confusing ... what about Koss?"  
"You know that Koss is a stranger to me."  
"He was chosen for you when you were a child, this is our tradition. He's a Vulcan, just like you ... but you seem to forget everything I taught you."  
"I know who I am, mother ... but if being a true Vulcan means to be like you ... I don't want it. I shouldn't have come here looking for you... and I don't want anything more to do with you."  
"If that's your wish ..."

T'Pol trembled in front of her meditation candle, those memories were hurting her but she couldn't push them away.  
She regretted once again the bitter words she had told to her mother, she didn't deserve this. For all her life she had illogically longed for her affection, for her to be proud of her daughter and only in the end she had discovered the truth.

In her mind she saw once again her dying mother:  
"You have always struggled so with your emotions, T'Pol." she knew ... she had always known. "I did all this to help you."  
"I don't understand."  
"You will." she winced with pain.  
"Mother..."  
"I've always been so proud of you ... my T'Pol." then she had closed her eyes forever.

T'Pol opened her eyes. Her face was streaked with tears.  
She felt lost ... and alone. Her mother had died ... and Jonathan was so cold and far away from her. Flashes of all they had experienced together during the last four years nearly overwhelmed her. She missed him ... in more than a way. But he was a Human ... and she was a Vulcan. She felt that these emotions were very wrong.  
_"You'll never fully recover. The emotions you've accessed... will be with you the rest of your life."_ the words of the old T'Pol from the alternate reality echoed in her mind _"You're going to have to learn to embrace them... live with them."_

She stood up suddenly: "I can't!" she said.  
A thought crossed her mind ... a logical solution had been there all the time. She whispered only one word: "Kohlinar".

o-o-o-o-o-

Archer was in his bed, still dressed, petting his dog while he was waiting for Malcolm.  
The chime buzzed.  
"We must hurry, Captain. We have to be there before she comes." they walked together through the corridor.  
"Where?"  
"Cargo Bay 3."  
"But ... it's empty."  
"Precisely." he grinned.  
They reached it quickly ... nobody was there.  
Malcolm showed a place to Archer.  
"You can hide here. You will have a good view and she won't notice your presence."  
"A good view of what?"  
"Wait and see. It's one of her facets I like the most."  
"You make me feel like a spy ..."  
"You are ... in a sense. Enjoy yourself, Captain."  
"You're not going to stay, Malcolm?"  
"There's not room enough for two. And if she discovers me, she'll kick my ass!"  
"What about me?"  
"She can't ... you're the Captain!" he winked and left the cargo bay.  
Archer felt a little stupid and was tempted to go back to his quarters, but he wast just too curious to leave.

A few minutes later, Niki entered.  
She was wearing a track suit and was carrying a big bag.  
She took out a device and soon the cargo bay was filled with music. The song was rhythmic and romantic at the same time:

_Under a lovers' sky gonna be with you and noone's gonna be around  
If you think that you won't fall, well just wait until, til the sun goes down  
Underneath the starlight - starlight, there's a magical feeling - so right  
It'll steal your heart tonight  
You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss  
But you know, but you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart  
But you know, but you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
No, you can't fight it, it's gonna get to your heart_

She removed her suit ... under that she weared a fuchsia gym costume, fitting tightly to the harmonious shape of her body.  
She started with training exercises: she did splits and slowly curved her body first toward one leg and then toward the other. She was completely loose, it seemed she could do every movement without effort. Archer thought she was extremely sensual.

After a few minutes she stood up and took out of the bag some items. She placed one of them at each corner of the cargo bay.  
Then she changed the music ... and took off, picking up a hoop from the floor.  
Archer recognized the music: it was celtic, of centuries ago ... _The Cry Of The Celts_. The music was very slow at the beginning ... and had a kind of magic ... maybe it was the sound of the flute.  
It seemed that gravity had no effect on her ... she was literally flying, tossing the hoop and cutting capers and then catching the hoop before it fell on the floor. Then she changed the hoop with the ball and did wonderful moves ... it wasn't only gymnastics, it was like a dance.  
Archer was completely hypnotized, he couldn't remember watching something so beautiful and exciting before.  
While the music was becoming more rhythmed and joyful with the sound of violins, Niki took a blue ribbon and performed some wonderful acrobatics. She was smiling and enjoying the music ... she was like lost in a dream. The ribbon was turning around her body, it seemed like she was in and out of a beautiful flower.  
When the music ended she was still, balancing on one leg, looking like a 'prima ballerina'.

Archer couldn't refrain from applauding.  
She stared at him in surprise and a little disappointed.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Don't get angry with me, Niki." he answered sheepishly "I was told I had to see this and I'm so glad I did."  
He got near her with a look full of admiration.  
"I don't like being spied on." her eyes were blazing.  
"It has been a wonderful sight, Niki. I wouldn't have missed it for the world."  
"It wasn't my intention to have spectators, Jonathan. I do this only for myself."  
While she was talking, she set her long brown hair free, shaking gently her hair.  
Archer was captured once again by her. It wasn't the first time he had been tempted to kiss her but he had always pushed away that thought, but that night she was so beautiful ... and sensual.  
"What a pity ..." he whispered and suddenly his lips crushed to hers.  
She gasped with surprise but instinctively threw her arms round his neck and opened slightly her lips, making him deepen the kiss and becoming more passionate.  
Niki gently stroked his cheek with her fingers and wished that moment could last forever.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Archer was leaning his forehead against Niki's, panting."I ... I apologize. I don't know what came over me ..." he stammered.  
"Wow ..." she said "Whatever it was ..." her eyes were shining "... you're very talented." then she met his mouth once again, hungrily. Their tongues intertwined and they kissed deep and passionately. She caressed the back of his head and ran her fingernails down the center of his back, tickling his spine through his shirt.  
Archer felt his excitement increasing and suddenly pulled away from her.  
"Sorry ..." he muttered. "I shouldn't have ... it's not appropriate."  
"I'm not sorry" she answered.  
"It was a mistake ... it won't happen again ..." he said in a low voice, heading for the door.  
"What a pity" she countered with a meaningful smile, as she wasn't taking him seriously.  
"Good night" he said and left the cargo bay.  
She folded her arms and whispered to herself: "Good night, my lovely Captain."

o-o-o-o-o

Malcolm had to buzz the chime more than once, before a sleepy Hoshi opened the door.  
"May I speak with you?"  
"Do you know what time is it?" she said stifling a yawn.  
"Please."  
She gestured to let him in and followed shuffling her feet.  
"Sorry to wake you up ... but I couldn't wait."  
"Forget it. What's happening?"  
Malcolm stood at gaze. Even with a drowsy face and ruffled hair, she was so beautiful ...  
"Malcolm?"  
"Sorry ... I don't know where to start ..." he drew breath "I've been thinking about you lately ... a lot of times. I know this may sound strange because we've worked together for years, but ... I just realized that, when you're not around ... I miss you. And it's not because we're friends ... it's because ... damn, how can I say this ..."  
Hoshi wasn't sleepy anymore ... her face was bright: "Yes?" she whispered, coming close to him.  
"I ... I ... damn, I'll never be able to tell you if you look at me like that!"  
"Oh, ok" she chuckled and closed her eyes "Just talk to me."  
"I think I've deep feelings for you." he muttered.  
"What!" she opened her eyes wide.  
"I said I love you, Hoshi, is that clear?" he was a little on edge.  
"Well, lieutenant ..." she said in a mocking tone "What am I supposed to do, now?"  
Malcolm felt puzzled.  
"You could tell me how you feel about me, for instance!" he countered.  
"I thought it was obvious. But you've been avoiding me for months ... keeping me at distance. Now you come here in the middle of the night and expect ..."  
He snorted and turned his back, heading for the door: "Ok, it was a mistake, I shouldn't ..."  
"Malcolm Reed!" she raised her voice. "Where do you think you're going?"  
He stopped and stared at her questioningly.  
She got near him and brushed her nose against his.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Showing how I feel about you." she whispered in his ear and then blew slightly on his earlobe.  
"Hoshi, I ..."  
"Shut up and kiss me, Malcolm."  
He quickly obliged.

o-o-o-o-o

The morning after Archer asked Niki to report to his readyroom.  
"Good morning, Sir."  
"Good morning, Lieutenant." he cleared his throat "I have news from Starfleet."  
"I hope 'good' news ..."  
"They accepted my request. After your final report about the shuttle tests, you will be part of Enterprise crew starting from next week." he stood up and gave half a smile "Welcome aboard." he shook her hand.  
"Thanks, Captain." she smiled "I'm proud to be under your command."  
Archer nodded and began pacing. Nikita sensed he wanted to say something else, but he felt uneasy.  
"Sir, please ... don't." she said softly.  
"What?"  
"Be awkward with me. I'm your friend, you can say me anything."  
He sighed: "I'm sorry Niki."  
"I'm not ... and you have nothing to apologize for."  
"A starship's Captain can't be involved with a subordinate."  
"Starfleet regulations, I know." she said "But even a Captain can feel alone, sometimes ... and need some affection."  
She gently brushed his arm.  
"It's not possible." he said with a husky voice.  
"Don't build a wall between us just because ... oh my God, you're making me sea-sick once again!" she protested.  
He stopped pacing and stared at her for a moment.  
Then they both bursted out laughing.  
"It's a bad habit, isn't it?" he asked.  
She nodded: "I think I'll get used to it."  
He smiled: "We should inform the crew about the news."  
"Can we wait until tomorrow? Travis has his "going away" party tonight, I don't want to steal attention."  
"Ok. Let's say we could make a "welcome" party in a few days." he winked.  
"Thanks Captain."  
"Thanks to you ... for understanding."  
"I'm your friend ... I'll always understand."

o-o-o-o-o

A few minutes after Niki had left the ready room, Archer heard the door chime buzz.  
"Come in."  
It was T'Pol. She handed him a PADD.  
"The schedule for shore leave. As you requested, all senior officers are in the list, including Lt. Reed."  
"Very well ... we all deserve some vacation, even if for a few days." he paused "Any plans for your stay on Earth?"  
"I will stay at Vulcan compound." she answered calmly. "Ambassador V'Lar is there at present, I asked for an audience."  
"May I ask you why?"  
"Personal matters."  
He nodded. "Have a nice stay. Dismissed."  
He noticed that she was lingering. "Is there anything else?" he asked.  
"Have you decided who will replace Ensign Mayweather?"  
"Yes."  
"Has Lt. Parker something to do with your decision?"  
"Why do you ask?"  
"I've noticed she reported to you several times in these last days."  
"Mmmmm ... we didn't escape your attention." he said sarcastically.  
"You're hard to miss." she answered dryly.  
Archer leaned his back to the chair, pensively.  
"I'll make it official tomorrow. Lt. Parker will become a permanent member of Enterprise starting from next week."  
"It was only to be expected." she said, folding her arms.  
"Does this bothers you?"  
"Not at all ... she's a fine pilot."  
"So, it was only logical for me to choose her." he grinned.  
"I don't think your choice has something to do with logic." she countered, a little edgy.  
"Are you implying I based it on personal feelings?"  
"If I'm allowed to use a human expression ... let's just say it's more than a gut feeling." she looked at him defiantly.  
"You're wrong, T'Pol. I've made a decision and it's the right one." he said roughly.  
"Very well." she nodded and left the ready room.  
Archer sighed and shook his head: _Don't go there_ he thought _she's not jealous._

o-o-o-o-o

That evening the mess-hall had been modified for the party in Travis' honour.  
All tables had been put together to create a dinner party and everybody was tasting the Chef's specialties.  
The crew was wearing civilian clothes, except those who were in charge for the next shift.  
A small dance area had been created in a corner and a few couples were there enjoying the music.

Malcolm and Hoshi were sitting near, lost in each other's eyes, trying to hide their little secret. They had spent all night talking about their feelings and their plans for the future.  
"I'm happy we have some days to spend together on Earth." he whispered in her ear.  
"I look forward to this." she said softly.  
"I've reserved a very nice place for us. I promise that our first night together will be memorable."  
"Oh! Are you making sexual advances, Lt. Reed?" she teased him.  
"Definitely yes!" he winked. "I don't want our first time to happen on a cold starship."  
"I didn't know you're such a romantic guy, Malcolm." she smiled.

"Hey you two, still with us?" asked Trip from the other side of the table.  
"Why don't you mind you own business, Trip?" Niki blew him with the elbow.  
She was sitting between Trip and Archer, enjoying the meal and the conversation.  
She was stunning in her black dress and her face was slightly made-up.  
When Travis invited her to dance and she followed him slightly swinging her hips and addressing a meaningful smile to Archer, he and Trip both swallowed looking at her.  
"It will be hard for you holding out, Cap'n ..." was Trip's comment.  
"Just drop it, Trip." he hissed.  
"Ok ... did you make peace with T'Pol?"  
"What made you think that we argued?" he answered, a little annoyed.  
"Rumours ..."  
"Ah! Is there anybody here minding his own business?"  
"May I ask what happened?"  
"It's ... personal."  
"Mmmm ... that's what T'Pol said too."  
"Are we under investigation, Trip?"  
"Noooo!" Trip tried to look innocent "I was just ... curious."  
Archer was grateful Niki came back to interrupt the conversation.

T'Pol was trying to keep her impassibility, but it was hard.  
It wasn't only the Captain ignoring her to hurt ... she felt neglected by the crew.  
They all seemed so close friends ... so human. They were Humans ... and she was Vulcan.  
The sound of someone singing drew T'Pol back to reality. It was Archer and Niki.

_I took my love, I took it down  
Climbed a mountain and I turned around  
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills  
'Till the landslide brought me down  
Oh, mirror in the sky  
What is love  
Can the child within my heart rise above  
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides  
Can I handle the seasons of my life  
Well, I've been afraid of changing  
'Cause I've built my life around you  
But time makes you get bolder  
Even children get older  
And I'm getting older too  
Oh, take my love, take it down  
Climb a mountain and turn around  
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills  
Well the landslide will bring it down_

Their voices were so melodious ... T'Pol felt envy and admiration at the same time. Niki was so ... emotional and human, in a way that T'Pol couldn't even understand. She felt that Jonathan needed a woman like that, not a cold Vulcan.  
_Do you really believe that a Human and a Vulcan can have a future together? _she heard T'Les voice in her mind.  
Maybe she was right.  
When Archer put an arm around Niki's shoulder while they were still singing, T'Pol felt her heart aching.  
She felt sorry for herself ... she needed to be alone. So she left the mess-hall without being noticed.

But someone had kept an eye on her ... after a few steps, she heard Trip's voice.  
"T'Pol! You going away so soon?"  
Without looking at him she answered: "I have a slight headache ..."  
"You're lying." he grabbed her arm.  
"Let go of me." she twisted.  
Trip gazed at her.  
"Now I understand ... it's the Captain, isn'it?"  
She looked away from him, and that confirmed Trip's suspicion.  
"I've been a fool ... I should have known since the beginning! I pretended not to see your despair when he went to Azati Prime ... but the truth has been out there all the time!" he said in anger.  
She remained silent.  
"You made my same mistake ... I realized I loved you only when I was going to lose you because of Koss. Now it's the same for you because of Niki."  
A tear rolled over T'Pol's cheek. Trip felt his anger die down and embraced her. She hugged him too.  
"I'm sorry Trip, I didn't mean to hurt you." she muttered.  
"You should have taken him to Vulcan instead of me ..." he whispered.  
He cupped his hand under her chin.  
"You're breaking my heart, T'Pol ... but still I can't hate you."  
He met her lips tenderly.  
But Archer's voice broke their kiss: "What the hell is going on here?"  
A deafening silence filled the corridor.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Archer was looking at them, with an unspeakable expression.  
Niki was just behind him, trying to hide her embarrassment.  
Trip stammered out: "Cap'n ... it's not what you think."  
"Shut up!" he hissed "You two ... follow me."  
He set off for his quarters and they followed, speechless.  
"This is all we needed!" Niki mumbled, rolling her eyes, and went back to the mess-hall.

o-o-o-o-o

Archer was furious, pacing in front of them in his quarters.  
"Great!" Archer said "Two of my best senior officers making a spectacle of themselves!"  
"Cap'n let me explain ..." Trip tried to object.  
"I don't want your damned explanation!" he shouted "There have been enough talk about you in the past!"  
Archer closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain control.  
"So far, I didn't say anything because I saw no reason to be concerned with idle gossip. I knew you needed those neuro-pression sessions to help you sleep and I didn't want to believe there was more going on than that! I trusted you were adult enough to manage the situation, but it's quite evident I was wrong!"  
"Cap'n, I ..."  
"I didn't give you permission to speak, Commander Tucker! You both know that I've never been too rigorous about starfleet regulations against fraternization, but your behaviour is unacceptable!"  
He lingered to look at T'Pol. She was stiff, keeping her hands behind her back, her eyes lowered.  
"And I don't think your husband would be happy to know you're rubbing in public against my Chief Engineer!"  
"Wait a minute, you don't have to be offensive towards ..." Trip was losing his temper.  
T'Pol interrupted him: "I don't need a lecture about this, Captain. Actually, I'm no longer married."  
"What!" both men exclaimed in surprise.  
"Koss released me from our marriage after our last visit to Vulcan. It has been officially dissolved a few days ago."  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Arched asked, knitting his brow.  
"I was just about to ask the same question." Trip said in an accusatory tone.  
"I'm not supposed to tell everyone about my personal matters." she answered, becoming even more irritated.  
"We're not 'everyone'!" Trip countered.  
"Shut up, Trip, once and for all!" Archer hissed.  
He resumed pacing.  
"Married or not, you're a Starfleet member and I expect you to follow Starfleet regulations. Both of you."  
"I'm prepared to follow the regulations, as long as you are." she said.  
"What are you getting at, T'Pol?"  
"As you feel free to fraternize with Lt. Parker, I assume I may feel free to ... 'rub' against anybody I like." she answered defiantly.  
Trip's jaw dropped.  
"That's enough!" Archer burst out "You are this close to insubordination!"  
"Truth may hurt, sometimes ..." she said sarcastically.  
"Don't you dare to say another word about me and Lt. Parker. The discussion is over!"  
She remained silent. Trip was petrified.  
"About what happened in the corridor, I don't want to see another scene like that. Hope I made myself clear. Dismissed." he said in a low voice.  
When they both left the room, his first reaction was throwing something against the wall in anger.  
Unfortunately he hit the mirror, breaking it into pieces.  
Porthos was scared and began to howl.  
Archer picked him up and whispered: "Sorry boy ... I'm beside myself."

o-o-o-o-o

Trip looked at T'Pol in disbelief: "Are you crazy?"  
"I only spoke my mind." she answered calmly.  
"Did you forget he's the Captain?"  
"Not at all, but I can't accept he gives us a lecture about regulations, when he's the first who doesn't follow them."  
She entered the turbolift and Trip quickly followed.  
"Wait a minute, you don't know that for sure."  
"You didn't watch them together."  
"Maybe you did that too much, T'Pol." he sighed "Why didn't you tell me the truth before?"  
"About what?"  
Trip stopped the turbolift.  
"That you're in love with him."  
"It took me a lot of time to understand my feelings."  
"What about me? All this makes me feel ... meaningless." he shook his head.  
"We're friends."  
"You made love to me!"  
"Only once ... and I wasn't exactly myself, then."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"It's a long story ... and I'm not willing to talk about it." she sighed "I know you're upset, but I never told you I was in love with you, Trip."  
"It was an exploration, I remember." he lowered his eyes.  
The silence became embarrassing, so he started the turbolift again.  
"What you are going to do, now?" he asked.  
"I have not determined, yet."  
"I hate saying this ... but you should tell him."  
She looked at him questioningly.  
"About your feelings."  
"It's pointless." she countered.  
"You never can tell ... he seemed too much angry about our kiss. He could be jealous ... and I wouldn't be too much surprised."  
"I have no intention of going further into those feelings. I'm considering the possibility of purging my emotions definitively and there's someone on Earth who could help me."  
Trip's jaw dropped for the second time in a few minutes.

o-o-o-o-o

Archer couldn't sleep a wink.  
The image of her kissing Trip didn't leave his mind.  
And her reaction to his reprimand was unbelievable.  
_As you feel free to fraternize with Lt. Parker, I assume I may feel free to ... 'rub' against anybody I like_  
He bang his fist on the desk.  
_At least Niki didn't try to kill me when I kissed her!_ he thought.  
Divorced.  
T'Pol had divorced from Koss and didn't even tell him.  
_Damn!_ he cursed _Now she's free to jump in Trip's bed!_  
He couldn't stand to stay onboard longer.  
As soon as he was informed that Enterprise had reached spacedock, he packed quickly.  
Nobody saw him leave the ship together with Porthos.

o-o-o-o-o

Niki left Starfleet HQ snorting.  
She had spent the whole day showing the final results of the shuttle tests and answering a lot of technical questions.  
Finally her job was completed. Now she had some days off before going back to Enterprise, but she was too worried about Jonathan to enjoy the thought of a vacation.  
Admiral Gardner had told her that Captain Archer had reported to Starfleet too and left a couple of hours before her, but nobody knew where he was heading for.  
_I'm gonna find him_ she thought.

o-o-o-o-o

Late at night Archer was going back to his apartment with a sack. He had left Porthos and his bags there before and spent some time in a restaurant alone. He hadn't eaten almost anything but he had drained some glasses of whisky to make up for it.  
He wasn't drunk, but he intended to get so. At least he could have forgotten T'Pol for a while ... that image of her lips and her body against Trip's.  
_Why are you so upset?_ he asked himself _You knew she was after him since a lot of time._

He didn't expect to find Niki waiting for him.  
"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, opening the door to his apartment.  
"I was worried about you. You disappeared without saying anything."  
"Well, you've seen me. I'm fine. Now you can go." he said roughly.  
He was going to leave her out, but she put a foot through the half-closed door, so he let her in, snorting.  
"You're lying, Jonathan ... it's written all over your face ... you're hurt."  
"That isn't your concern."  
"What's in that sack?"  
"Whisky. Do you wanna try?" he poured it into a glass and gulped it down quickly.  
"Great!" she said in anger "Getting drunk is not a solution!"  
"I don't need a lecture from you!"  
"You need help. Talk to me, I'm your friend ..."   
"I don't need anyone." he tried to drink another glass, but she made it fall on the floor and break to pieces.  
"Give me that bottle!" she shouted.  
"Why you can't just leave me alone?"  
He turned his back on her, snorting.  
"I won't let you get drunk and miserable ... this is not the Jonathan Archer I learned to respect."  
She paused for a moment.  
"This is not the man I learned to love."  
Archer stared at her in silence.  
"It can't be true." he muttered.  
"It is." she gently brushed his cheek.  
"Then you'd better walk away, Niki. I can't return your feelings."  
"I don't care." she met his lips.  
He tried to pull away from her, but her lips were so soft ... and sweet ... and he felt light-headed.  
Their tongues intertwined and they kissed more deeply.  
"God, Niki ... we can't!" he whispered with his face buried in her hair.  
"We're not on Enterprise." she said, placing small kisses on his neck. "Let me love you, Jonathan."

_Though sometimes it seems everything is wrong,  
If you face the wind, you will hear it's song,  
It's all around you now, been there all along  
You need love, you need love, love is all you need  
When you lose your way waiting for a sign,  
And you feel your fears chase away your pride,  
Hold on till morning, and you will survive, i know  
You need love, (i know it's a long road) you need love  
(when you got no strength to climb, you know love's not far behind)  
Love is all you need_

She kissed him again with a passion full of fire.  
She ran her fingers across his cheeks and then took his hand and began to suck his fingers gently.  
Deeper and deeper, he was drawn into her as she began to softly suckle on his bottom lip. His desire grew even more intense as her hand caressed his back and the nape of his neck.  
He picked her up and carried her inside the bedroom, laying her softly on the comfortable bed.  
He kneeled over her and slowly took his shirt off, letting it fall silently to the floor.  
He reached through the darkness to feel the smooth surface of her skin. Gently, he massaged her shoulders as he lowered the straps of her dress. Soon the wonder of her exposed body filled his eyes.  
Anxiously he quickly removed the rest of his clothes, leaving them skin against skin.  
She flooded him with a shower of kisses all over his body. She slowly sensed he was surrendering to her love.  
She silently hoped to herself that it never ended.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16  
**  
The room was shadowy and silent.  
They were both naked under the sheets, face to face.  
Jonathan was playing with a quiff of Niki's hair, watching her peacefully sleeping.  
He couldn't believe what had just happened.  
_"Let me love you, Jonathan"_ she had whispered and he had let himself go.  
The way she had made love to him had been completely breathtaking.  
He wasn't in love with her, but he had to admit that he had felt himself drawn to her since the first day she had come aboard Enterprise. It wasn't just a matter of physical attraction. Niki was smart, strong, determined. They had spent a lot of time together during their off-hours on Enterprise. He had enjoyed that time.  
He realized he didn't know much about her, but she seemed to know almost everything about him. Once again he had the feeling that she could see through his pain. When they had talked about The Expanse, it was like ... she had been there ... like she knew what he had been through.  
_"Forgive yourself"_ she had told him once _"You can't change what you have done ... we both know it was necessary ... don't let the rest of your life be like hell. Start living again ... and forgive yourself, Jonathan."_  
_"Who is she?"_ he wondered _"Why did I let her in?"_  
Niki was a mistery and he was intrigued by that.

Then he thought of T'Pol. She was the love of his whole life. No other woman could be ... but he had to face the truth: she had an affair with Trip. That kiss in the corridor had been like a slap in his face. He felt ashamed of his over-reaction. T'Pol, as always, was right: _"As you feel free to fraternize with Lt. Parker ..."_  
She wasn't jealous ... she was only reminding him that Starfleet regulations were valid for everyone: even the Captain. But the Captain hadn't followed those regulations ... so why T'Pol should?  
He thought back to the latest events: her tears in sickbay, her violent reaction to his kiss.  
He realized she cared for him, but not in the way he wanted. He was just a friend to her ... and thinking it could be more than that, was just an illusion.  
_"I must tear her away from my heart"_ he told to himself _"and try to recover our friendship."_  
He sighed deeply at that thought.

Then he realized Niki was staring at him.  
She gently brushed his hairs and whispered:  
"A penny for your thoughts."  
"Niki ..." he murmured.  
"If you're gonna say it was a mistake, I don't wanna hear it, Jonathan." she said.  
"I feel like I ... took advantage of you."  
"You didn't. It was me who looked for you. I felt the need of being by your side."  
"I shouldn't have let you do it."  
"How could you stop me? I'm irresistible!" she joked.  
"Yes, you are." he chuckled.  
"Jon ... I know you're in love with her." she said seriously.  
"I don't wanna talk about this." he tried to stop her, but she continued.  
"I can only imagine what it must have been like, seeing her in Trip's arms."  
He sighed.  
"You should talk to her." she insisted.  
"Forget it." he paused "I did nothing but worsen the situation."  
"I don't understand how you reached a breaking point now, after years of close-working and friendship." she was puzzled.  
"I don't wanna think about it." he put a finger on her lips, to make her quiet.  
"Sorry, Jon ... I didn't want to make you feel uneasy."  
"Never mind." he whispered.  
She caressed his cheek and put a light kiss first between his eyes, then on the tip of his nose.  
"Did you really mean it?" he asked.  
"What?"  
"That you love me."  
"Yes ..." she answered softly "even if I know that you don't."  
"Why did you stay, then?"  
"Because I didn't wanna leave you here, alone ... brooding and drinking ... I just wanted to try and ease your pain ... well I know sex is not the right way ... I hadn't planned it ... I let things get out of hand" she lowered her eyes.  
"So we are both guilty ... in a sense ..." he tried to joke.

They remained silent for a few minutes.  
"Do you have any plans for the next few days?" she asked.  
"Actually ... no."  
"I've got a house near Castle Rock State Park. We can go hiking ... or climbing ... or ... whatever" she smiled "I have a guest room and you can take Porthos, of course. You will be free there, I won't be around all the time, if you want some privacy."  
"I don't think this would be fair."  
"To whom?"  
"To you! Do you really wanna spend your vacation with someone who's lost in his ... thoughts?"  
She tried to object but he continued: "And don't forget I'm your superior. I've just made a reprimand to my senior officers because of ... a kiss ... and look what I've done. I'm in the same bed with a member of my crew!" his voice was trembling.  
"Technically I'm not your crewmember, yet." she stated. "I'll be on duty in a week's time. And would you please leave your damned Starfleet regulations out of this room, Jon?" she teased him.  
He tried to discourage her: "Niki ... I'm not an easy man to live with."  
Her hand cupped his face and she gazed at his beautiful green eyes: "I don't think so."  
"I have nothing to give to you."  
"I don't expect anything, Jon. If you're worried about the future ... you'll be only Captain Archer to me, when we get back on Enterprise."  
"Niki ..." he warned her.  
"We don't have to sleep together if you don't want to. I told you I have a guest room, Jon ..."  
A voice in his head kept telling him it wasn't fair.  
"... but if you need some cuddle therapy ..." she joked "... I feel inclined to do it."  
They both laughed. She tickled him under the sheets.  
He was almost yielding to her pressure.  
He pushed away the thought of T'Pol together with Trip somewhere else. It didn't help at all.  
He felt her tiny hands run up his chest.  
Her blue eyes were shining and full of love.  
She brushed his lips tenderly with hers.  
"If you want me to go away, just tell me ..."  
He didn't want to be alone. Not this time.  
"No ... I want you to stay." he couldn't keep from taking her in his arms.  
Their movements made the sheets slid down.  
The sight of her exquisite body aroused him.  
"God, you're so beautiful ..." he whispered.  
They kissed deeply and passion took the lead once again.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Ambassador V'Lar was leaning pensively on her armchair.  
In over a century of diplomatic career, she thought that nothing could surprise her by then, but listening to T'Pol had made her change her mind.  
"I'm afraid I don't understand why you came to me."  
"I know that what I revealed may be ... unsettling." T'Pol swallowed.  
"I'm not judging you, T'Pol ... even if I have to admit that I'm disappointed. I esteemed you highly."  
"I'm aware that my behaviour has been ... dishonorable, but I hoped you could help me."  
"There's no honor in running away, T'Pol. I can't allow you to consider the Kolinahr as a way out."  
"I never thought this is a way out, Ambassador." she paused "I hoped you could talk to the Kolinahr Master and convince him to let me participate in the ritual to purge all my emotions."  
"I seriously doubt they would accept you, in spite of my influence. You have damaged your synaptic pathways voluntarily, they could never condone this course of action."  
"But the Kolinahr is the only logical solution to cure me."  
"I don't think so. What you are experiencing is not a disease." V'Lar paused "You told me that you've always struggled with your emotions, since you were a child. Pa'nar Syndrome and Trellium addiction have made the situation worse ... you can't perform that ritual. You would fail."  
"What do you suggest I do, then?"  
"Have the courage of facing the consequences of what you made to yourself."  
"I'm in no condition of doing that." T'Pol muttered.  
"What do you expect from Kolinahr? Oblivion? This would never happen, T'Pol."  
T'Pol lowered her eyes.  
"Logic is an essential part of Vulcan existence. If I lose it and let my emotions take the lead, it will be the end." she sounded almost desperate.  
V'Lar stood up and, unexpectedly, put her hand on T'Pol's shoulder, as if she wanted to comfort her.  
"T'Pol ... you have been living among humans for such a long time, bombarded by their emotions. This has affected you ... I suppose it had to be expected, after all." she sighed "Nevertheless, you're the first Vulcan officer who lasted so much time aboard a human starship. The High Command had tried this before, but they failed ... the others couldn't stand human behaviour for long periods. But you did. I think you're strong enough to find a balance between logic and emotion."  
"That's impossible."  
"In a sense ... you already have. Otherwise you'd be in a Vulcan clinic, by now."  
"Believe me, Ambassador, I have tried. Hours and hours of meditation were not enough."  
"The Keethara ritual might help you, have you ever thought about it?"  
"No."  
"You should."  
T'Pol remained silent, not knowing how to answer back V'Lar's arguments.  
"You once told me that Captain Archer could be trusted. Why didn't you tell him the truth?"  
"Because he would throw me out of Enterprise."  
"That's possible ... I suppose he would be very angry, but ... maybe he would try to understand." she paused "I had sensed a great bond between you ... I don't think it can be broken so easily."  
"It's complicated ..." T'Pol tried to object.  
"Because of your emotional attachment? Don't look at me like that ... even if you didn't told me, it's quite clear you have feelings for him. But I don't understand why you started a relationship with Commander Tucker, that's completely illogical, even for a human!"  
"When we were in the Expanse, looking for the Xindi ... I thought more than once it was a one-way trip. I know that a Vulcan shouldn't experience fear, but I have to admit that sometimes ... I was afraid. Captain Archer had isolated himself to concentrate on his mission, so I couldn't get ... his comfort. When Dr. Phlox asked me to help Commander Tucker with neuropressure, at first I was annoyed, but then I found his company ... soothing. Probably the presence of Trellium-D in my bloodstream worsened the situation."  
V'Lar shook her head.  
"It's difficult, at my age, to get used to all these changes. But I suppose I should. Our own world is going through a sort of cultural revolution ... it's not easy at all. And all this new species we met during the last century ... they're so different from Vulcans, they have no logic ... but if we want to create a cooperation between them, we will have to sacrifice a little bit of logic. It's a sociological risk, but it's worthwhile."  
For a moment V'Lar seemed lost in thought, then she continued:  
"Do you know what Kol-Ut-Shan is?"  
"IDIC."  
"Infinity Diversity in Infinite Combination ... The fundamentals of Vulcan philosophy, T'Pol."  
"I'm aware of that." she answered, slightly annoyed.  
"Maybe you're not entirely aware of its true meaning. Any unified system, any single pattern is weaker than a combination of differing patterns. We have plenty of examples in nature. I think you are another example of that."  
T'Pol looked at her questioningly.  
"You and Captain Archer are t'hy'la ... you're stronger together. And you transmit this strenght to the rest of the crew. You gave proof of that when you saved me from the Mazarites and in many other occasions. I know that Vulcans and Humans are so different, but differences may combine and create new truth and beauty. It would be illogical not to accept them. You are meant to be there."  
T'Pol opened her eyes wide.  
"You have some days off before going back to Enterprise, don't you?"  
"Yes." she nodded.  
"Use them to regain control performing the Keethara. Then go back to your ship and tell Archer the truth. Everything. I'm confident he will understand ... in time."  
"It won't be easy"  
"I never told you it will." she looked T'Pol in the eyes "But you must try."  
V'Lar showed her to the door.  
"I'll be back to Vulcan in a few days ... if you fail and still want to perform the Kolinahr, let me know." she made the Vulcan greeting "Live long and prosper."  
T'Pol bowed her head and left the room, silently.

-o-o-o-o-o-

T'Pol was alone in her quarters at Vulcan compound.  
Candles were burning and spreading their fragrance into the air.  
She was sitting at a table, her eyes closed.  
She was meditating as she was using a set of building blocks to build a structure of harmony. The blocks were necessary to help her to focus thought and refine mental control. The form of the constructed structure was not predefined but had to reflect the state of mind of the builder.  
She inhaled deeply and said: "Structure, logic, function, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control."  
After a few minutes the structure collapsed under her fingers.  
She opened her eyes and sighed. But she didn't surrender ... V'Lar has given her new strenght, new hope.  
She went back to the beginning.  
"Structure, logic, function, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control."


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17  
**  
Niki looked out of the window: Jonathan was in the garden, playing with Porthos.  
He seemed so happy while he was rolling in the grass and Porthos was licking his face. She could hear his laughter and, for a moment, she felt fine.  
They had spent their vacation hiking the environs and he seemed to enjoy their time together.  
He slept with her every night, even if she had offered him the guest room. Being in his arms was wonderful, he was a tender and passionate lover.  
But sometimes he was a thousand miles away from her ... and she felt a rip in her heart because she didn't know how to ease his pain. So she kept at a distance, because she didn't want to appear too eager or intrusive.  
"_I'm stealing these days_" she thought "_If he knew the truth about T'Pol's feelings, he wouldn't be here._"  
But she was no hero ... she wanted desperately to stay with him and enjoy his company.  
Niki shook herself, hearing Jonathan's communicator buzz. On the little blue screen she read there was a message from Enterprise.  
She appeared at the door: "Jon!"  
"Yes?"  
"You'd better call Enterprise. They're searching for you."  
Jonathan knitted his brow and hastened to the computer console to make the call.  
T'Pol and Trip visages appeared on the other end:  
"Cap'n ... sorry to trouble you."  
"I thought you were still on holiday. We all are supposed to come back tomorrow."  
Trip answered: "Actually, we came back today ... there's a big problem on the warp engine."  
"What?"  
"An overheating ... there was an explosion. Somebody hasn't been taking very good care of my engine while I was away." Trip sighed deeply.  
"How's that possible?"  
"I left Kelby in charge for maintenance and tests ... something went wrong."  
"What's our status?"  
"With double shifts, it will take from 7 to 9 days for repairs."  
"Crap ... this will delay our departure!"  
"Sorry Cap'n ... you know ... shit happens." Trip tried to joke.  
"Captain" T'Pol added "I suggest you extend your vacation. With your permission, I'll extend shore leave for those crewmen who aren't needed for repairs, including Lt. Reed, Ensign Sato and ... Lt. Parker. Our sensors show her communicator is in your same location, can you inform her?"  
"_Great! They know we're together ..._" he thought, feeling like he was caught red-handed.  
"I can ..." he corrected himself "we can be back immediately ... maybe you could use some help." he offered.  
"That's not necessary" she answered sharply "Me and Trip are quite able to manage the situation. Your presence is not needed."  
"Ah ... let me know if you change your mind. Keep me updated."  
"Understood." she said "Enjoy your stay." then she ended the communication.  
Archer stared at the console feeling empty. T'Pol's sharp tone reminded him when she first came onboard years ago.  
Her words echoed in his mind: "_your presence is not needed ... me and Trip are quite able to manage the situation ..._" she didn't say "_me and Commander Tucker_" she said "_me and Trip_". They seemed quite familiar with each other.  
"Jon?" Niki was in the room "Is everything OK?"  
"There's been a problem on warp engines ... Trip is arranging for repairs with T'Pol's help. It will take at least another week" he sighed "Our vacation is extended."  
"Do they need help?" she asked.  
"No. Our presence is not needed." he answered, dryly.  
"You seem bothered." she got near him.  
"No. I could use some rest." he gave half a smile then headed for the door "I'll take a walk with Porthos."  
"Do you want some company?"  
"No ... just leave me alone." he said, with a gesture of impatience "See you later."  
She remained silent, looking Jonathan walking away.  
She shook her head. The laughing man of a few minutes ago had disappeared to leave his place to a brooding Captain.

o-o-o-o-o

Trip and T'Pol were walking through the corridor, heading for Engineering.  
"Thanks for cutting short your holiday, T'Pol ... your help is valuable."   
"Vulcans don't take vacations. I was in deep meditation at Vulcan compound, I can meditate on Enterprise as well."  
"You acted coldly towards the Captain."  
"I don't think so."  
"Come on, T'Pol ... you're upset because he's with Niki."  
"I'm not upset."  
"But you took the trouble of using our sensors to spy on him."  
She stopped and looked at Trip, raising an eyebrow.  
"He wasn't responding to my calls, I had to locate him."  
"And, purely by chance, you found that Niki's communicator was in the same place."  
"Precisely." she folded her arms.  
"I don't buy it. You have feelings for him and you're worried that he might start a relationship with another woman."  
"If I'm worried or not ... that wouldn't be your concern, Commander."  
"You called me Trip a few minutes ago."  
"It's pointless to complain about how I call you."  
"You don't even realize how all this makes me feel bad, do you?" he said, in a hoarse voice.  
She remained silent.  
"Well, if the Captain and Niki are romantically involved ... maybe you'll understand how it feels loving someone who doesn't want you!"  
He walked away in anger.  
She sighed and followed him.  
They had a lot of work to do, she didn't have time for other matters.

o-o-o-o-o

Jonathan walked aimlessly for a couple of hours, just following Porthos ... the dog was nosing everywhere, sometimes he barked to draw his attention.  
He found himself near a graveyard without realizing. Porthos ran away and didn't answer to his call. Looking for his pet, he saw Niki from a distance. She was knelt down by a tomb, her face buried in her hands.  
He hid behind a tree, feeling like an intruder. Then she raised her face and said something he couldn't hear.  
He wanted to leave her alone, but Porthos revealed his presence, barking loudly.  
Niki rubbed her face, trying to hide her tears.  
Jonathan felt awkward and approached her: "I apologize ... I didn't mean to spy on you ... Porthos ran away and ..."  
"It doesn't matter."  
He looked at the plaque - there was an inscription: "**_Jeremy Parker 2101-2153 - Beloved father_**"  
"You miss him, don't you?" he asked.  
"A lot." she sighed.  
"How did he die?"  
"When the Xindi probe attacked Earth, I was on Jupiter Station making flight tests ... but he didn't know. He had never approved of me joining Starfleet. He tried to contact me because he was worried, but there was an awful mess. Someone from Starfleet told him I was missing ... he was home alone and had a heart attack ... when they found him, it was too late ..." she swallowed.  
He was dismayed: "Niki ... why didn't you tell me before?"  
"It's in the past ... I didn't mean to make you sad. I know you miss your father, too."  
She gently put a hand on his heart. She wished her hand was magic, so that she could remove his heavy feelings.  
He stared into her watery blue eyes. She was sad and yet she wanted to cheer him up.  
"Hey ... you're always there for me ... I wanna do the same." he said and, by instinct, he put a hand on her heart, too.  
He gasped for breath, because he realized just how selfish he had been.  
In the last year he had been so wrapped up inside his own head that he had never noticed that people around him needed him to pay attention.  
He hadn't been there for Trip, helping him to cope with his sister's death.  
He hadn't been there for T'Pol, when she seemed out of control in the Expanse.  
It was like looking into a mirror ... he barely recognized himself.  
Niki was showing him how he had changed ... and not for the best.  
"I ... I apologize for being abrupt before ... I know I've been sullen ... but I'll make it up to you." he said.  
She looked at him sweetly.  
"Let's go back home, Jon."

_You're the bravest of hearts, you're the strongest of souls  
You're my light in the dark, you're the place I call home  
You can say it's all right, but I know that you're breaking up inside  
I see it in your eyes  
Even you face the night afraid and alone  
That's why I'll be there  
When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend  
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes  
If that's what it takes  
You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain  
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name  
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above  
You've given me your love  
When your smile like the sun that shines through the pain  
That's why I'll be there  
When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend  
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end  
I will stand like a rock, I will bend till I break  
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes  
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed  
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes  
Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire  
When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher  
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul  
I will hold on all night and never let go  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes_

o-o-o-o-o _  
_

Jonathan woke up in the middle of the night and realized he was alone.  
He looked out of the window and saw Niki in the garden, she was wrapped up in a blanket, with bare feet on the grass.  
He wore something and reached for her.  
His arms circled her waist from behind and he leaned his cheek on hers.  
"Niki! It's cold out here, come back to bed ..."  
"Look at the stars, Jon ... they're so beautiful ... it's not the same from Enterprise."  
"You're right ... but you're freezing, let's get back inside."  
"One more minute ..." she paused "I'm so happy we can stay here one week longer."  
He held her closer and smiled: "So do I."  
"Really? I thought you were angry ..."  
"Shhh" he whispered "That's over ... I want to live again. I don't wanna waste one single minute." he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I care for you, Niki."  
She sighed softly and closed her eyes a moment.  
"Me too." she answered.  
He whispered something into her ear. She opened her eyes wide.  
"Jon!"  
He lifted her into his arms and, brushing her mouth with a kiss, he said: "You heard me."

o-o-o-o-o

**10 days later - Starfleet Headquarters**

"Captain Archer, please ... sit down." said Gardner.  
"Admiral."  
"There is something I wanted to talk you about ... a delicate matter." Gardner paused "Two days ago we lost contact with a secret base near Altair system, approx. 15 light years from Earth."  
"Secret base?" Archer looked at the Admiral questioningly.  
"A group of human scientists was conducting military research."  
"What kind of military research?"  
"Weaponry."  
"Ah ..." he had a bad feeling.  
"The original project concerned the development of new and more powerful phase cannons, but ... things slipped out of hands."  
"What do you mean?"  
"They discovered a highly destructive weapon, which could annihilate a vast region. Our survey stated that the Klingons occupied the base and intend to use that weapon to expand their Empire."  
Archer stood up in utter amazement.  
Gardner continued: "We have to stop them before the news get out. If other species knew we were developing such a lethal weapon, this could compromise our future relationships and the possibility of forming an alliance."  
"I couldn't blame them ... why the hell did our government allow such research?" Archer asked with anger.  
"It's not your right to debate our government's decisions. Your mission is to proceed to the Altair system at max. warp, eliminate the Klingons and destroy the base, leaving no trace ... and no witness."  
"What do you mean with "no witness"?" Archer stared at Admiral Gardner in dismay.  
"This is not a rescue mission, Captain. Those scientists are too dangerous to be left alive."


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18  
**  
Niki had just finished unpacking in her quarters on Enterprise.  
She looked at one photograph of her and Jonathan and sighed deeply. Their last week together had been ... terrific. She cherished every moment. But she knew their time together was going to end ... because of her mission.  
She opened a small box and put the photo inside. There was a letter for Jonathan, too. She had written it the night before leaving Earth. She hoped he would understand. She tried not to look at the other things in the box. It was painful.  
She closed it. She was going to ask Hoshi to keep it, just in case ... she pushed away that thought.  
She remembered a few hours before the way Jonathan had said good-bye before going to Starfleet HQ.

_She had held him tight in her arms, a tear rolling over her cheek.  
"Hey, Niki ... don't be sad, this is not the end."  
"It won't be the same on Enterprise."  
"I know, but if we'll be discreet ... we'll have some time for us."  
He had brushed her lips with his.  
"What about T'Pol?"  
He had sighed deeply: "We already talked about this ... she's with Trip. And I'm with you."  
"You still love her, don't you?"  
"You know how I feel about her ... but you also know how I feel about you." he had cupped her face with his hand "I promise everything will be alright, Niki. Believe me."  
They had kissed deeply._

The chime buzzed, bringing Niki back to reality.  
"Come in."  
It was Malcolm.  
"The Captain wants to talk to us in the briefing room."  
"He's onboard?"  
"He came from Starfleet a few minutes ago. Something is wrong, I guess we're in trouble ..."  
She already knew what it was about. She tried to keep calm.  
"Let's go."

o-o-o-o-o

Archer had invited only his most reliable crewmembers to the briefing: T'Pol, Malcolm, Hoshi, Trip and Niki.  
He had just finished to explain what their mission was.  
Niki looked at Jonathan and sensed his anguish. Archer met her eyes and felt she was worried. He passed by her and brushed her shoulder as if he wanted to reassure her. T'Pol noticed that gesture and was bewildered.

Trip broke the silence: "I don't get it, Cap'n. I thought we were explorers, not murderers ..."  
"Admiral Gardner stated this is not a rescue mission." Archer said in a low voice. "Klingons must be stopped and the base has to be destroyed, before it's too late ..."  
"Why can't we try and save the scientists?" Trip asked, puzzled.  
"Our government has put a lot of pressure on Starfleet. They don't want this project to become known, otherwise our relationships with other species could be compromised. They would look at us suspiciously."  
"I can't blame them." was T'Pol's comment.  
"I'm almost ashamed of being human." said Hoshi.  
"Gardner says it wasn't government's purpose to have such a destructive weapon built." Archer countered.  
"Then why did they build a secret base so far from Earth?" asked Malcolm.  
"I don't have the slightest idea." Archer shook his head.  
"Who's the leader of this group of scientists?" asked Niki.  
"Dr. William Parsons." Archer answered.  
"It was only to be expected!" Niki bursted out.  
"Do you know him?" he looked at her questioningly.  
"Not personally ... but my father was a scientist, he met him when I was younger. He had a doubtful reputation."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Ambitious, corrupt, unscrupulous. Is that enough?"  
"Admiral Gardner didn't tell anything about this ..."  
"I wouldn't be surprised if Parsons had made an agreement with the Klingons." she countered.  
"This would explain how Klingons discovered the base in the Altair system." said Malcolm.  
"That bastard would sell his mother ... if she was still alive!" Niki said, folding her arms.  
"How many Klingon vessels are around that planet?" T'Pol asked.  
"Unknown. We'll have to approach cautiosly to the area and try not to be detected as long as possible, while we find a way to destroy them. Starfleet has given us one of the test shuttles with a new stage of development, we could use it for reconnaissance, while Enterprise keeps at safe distance."  
"The hell, how they expect us to fight the Klingons with only one starship? What about Columbia?" asked Trip.  
"Columbia is not ready to leave spacedock yet. They're late with their schedule." he sighed.  
"Cap'n ..." Trip paused "Do you really want us to kill those people?"  
"Starfleet orders are clear. They have given me no choice."  
"And you are comfortable with the death of 11 humans, just because their leader has "a doubtful reputation"?" T'Pol gived him a piercing look.  
Archer gazed at her then looked away: "No ... I'm not."  
"If I'm right about Parsons dealing with the Klingons, we shouldn't have scruples about killing him." stated Niki.  
"I can't argue with that." added Malcolm.  
"Are you ready to pull the trigger without even thinking about it?" Archer asked in disbelief.  
"For Earth's sake, yes ... I can live with that!" Niki answered in anger.  
"Well, I don't know if I can ..." Archer said in a hoarse voice.  
"Captain, if Parsons or one of the other scientist survives ... he could become an easy target for the Klingons. They could kidnap and use him for their purposes!" Niki objected.  
"What makes you believe they haven't already done this?" he banged his fist on the table.  
"Captain Archer is right, it could be too late when we get there ... it takes some days at max. warp to reach the Altair system." was T'Pol's comment.  
"Klingons are very far from their homeworld ... we still have the possibility of destroying their ships and the base, leaving no trace as Starfleet requested." said Malcolm.  
Archer looked at his crewmembers: "It seems we all disagree about the course of action we should choose. Trip?"  
"Cap'n I think we should try and find a way to save them."  
T'Pol added: "Commander Tucker's right, if we bring the scientists back to Earth, then your government will decide what to do about them. If we complete the mission, Starfleet won't blame you for leaving them alive."  
Archer nodded: "Malcolm?"  
"It's too risky. I think we should follow Starfleet's orders, Sir."  
"I agree with Malcolm." Niki paused "If we don't obey to their orders, it could be a catastrophe."  
"Hoshi?"  
"I'm just the communication officer, Sir. I don't think my opinion ..."  
Archer interrupted her: "I count on you too, Hoshi. I wanna know what you think about it."  
Hoshi looked around, then stared for a moment at Malcom's eyes: "I ... I think Malcolm and Niki are right, Sir. And if you don't follow Starfleet orders, you could lose your position."  
Archer nodded, then looked at Niki: "Set a course for Altair system. We'll leave in 30 minutes. Dismissed."  
"Aye, Sir." Niki left the room with the others and Archer followed.

"Captain, may I have a word with you?" T'Pol asked, stopping him in the corridor.  
"Not now, T'Pol. I wanna talk to Starfleet from my ready room before we leave."  
She grabbed his arm and he looked at her in surprise: "There's something very important I need to talk you about."  
"Our mission?"  
"No ... it's personal."  
"Can you wait a few hours?"  
"Maybe I could come to your quarters after dinner ..." she suggested.  
"No, I prefer my ready room. 21:00 is ok?"  
She nodded and they headed for the bridge.  
She was puzzled that he had refused to meet her in his quarters.

o-o-o-o-o

30 minutes later they left spacedock. Niki was at the helm, for the first time after Travis had left Enterprise.  
T'pol noticed Archer slightly bent over her console, whispering something to Niki, but she couldn't hear what he was saying.

When the ship went to warp speed, he withdrew in his readyroom.  
Malcolm had made some investigations for him about Dr. Parsons and the other scientists. Examining all the data, he realized that Niki was right: Parsons was really an unreliable person.  
Starfleet had given him a map of the secret base, too. He spent a couple of hours with Malcolm examining the map and the weak points of the base.

o-o-o-o-o

Archer entered his quarters around 18:00. Niki was there waiting for him. She was sitting on his bed, petting Porthos.  
He had given her his room's code before, when she was at the helm, asking to meet him later.  
"I thought this day would never end." he sighed and sat beside her.  
"Have you talked to Admiral Gardner?"  
"Yes ..." he ran his fingers through his hair "... but the mission remains unchanged. The good news are that only one Klingon bird-of-prey has been detected before they lost contact with the base, so we might have more chances than expected."  
"Jonathan, I understand how you feel ... but I believe that Starfleet's right this time."  
"They're asking me to kill 11 humans in cold blood."  
"They've built a weapon that could kill a lot of people!"  
"So did the Xindi, but in the end I destroyed the weapon but I didn't annihilate all of them!"  
"Damn! If you realized how much Parsons can be evil and dangerous, you wouldn't have a doubt!" she stood up, exasperated.  
"Niki ..." he took her hand "please, sit down. I don't want to argue ... I just wanna talk."  
She sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.  
"Sorry, Jon ... I'm a little on edge."  
"Me too ... I apologize if I've been rude in the briefing room ..."  
"Forget it." she said "Do you want me to get something for dinner?"  
"No ... I'm not hungry. But if you want to get something for yourself ..."  
"Maybe later." she answered, taking his hand and gently kissing his fingers.  
"I have to meet T'Pol in my ready room in less than 3 hours."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know. She said she has something to tell me ... maybe it's about her and Trip. We haven't talked after I catched them ... kissing."  
"Does this bothers you?"  
He hesitated: "I think I'll get used to it, in time."  
"Will you tell her about us?"  
"I think she already knows ... when she called me one week ago, she knew we were together. She had located your communicator ... and mine."  
"What if ..." and she was going to ask what if she's not with Trip , but Archer interrupted her.  
"Shhh ... we'll talk about this later. Now ..." he lay on the bed and pulled Niki beside him "I just want to hold you close and forget everything."  
They remained there, staring into each other's eyes and exchanging little kisses and hugs.  
Niki tried to hide her anxiety ... she wanted to enjoy those last moments. She didn't know for sure what T'Pol was going to say to Jonathan. But she was afraid.

o-o-o-o-o

T'Pol was in her quarters, performing the Keethara.  
"Structure, logic, function, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation.  
Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control."  
She inhaled deeply, while she was posing the blocks to build a structure.  
She didn't know how much time had passed, but the alarm on her desk reminded her it was time to meet Archer.  
She opened her eyes and blew out the candles.  
A beautiful structure of harmony was in front of her, showing that her state of mind was calm and logical.  
Now she knew she was ready and strong enough to tell him the truth.


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19  
**  
Archer was pacing in his ready room, waiting for T'Pol.  
He had a gut feeling that he wasn't going to like what she had to say.  
He thought he had accepted her relationship with Trip. But when she had taken Trip's side during the briefing, he had been disappointed.  
He hoped that Niki hadn't noticed he was disturbed by that. He didn't want to hurt her.

The chime buzzed.  
"Come in."  
T'Pol entered the room. She was wearing her blue catsuit and she slightly smelled of incense. He thought she probably had been meditating, her face was serene and calm.  
"Captain."  
"For once, you may call me Jonathan." he smiled and gestured for her to sit down "We're both off duty and, if I'm not mistaken, you're not going to talk about work."  
"Jonathan" she paused "I suggest you sit down. I assume that what I'm going to say will not be pleasant and I'll be more confortable if you stand still and listen to me."  
Archer knitted his brow, wondering if she was teasing him about his pacing habit or not.  
He sat down: "I'm listening."  
T'Pol gazed at him for a moment.  
She knew she was going to hurt him once again, but it was time he knew everything about her.  
"There are events that I kept hidden from you. Things that happened when we were in the Expanse."  
Archer shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He was anxious and, at the same time, afraid to know what she was going to say.  
"When we boarded the Seleya ... I lost control of my emotions."  
"I remember ... it happened because of the Trellium." he sighed "It took you a long time to recover ... and the events we were through didn't make things easy ... even for a Vulcan."  
"A healthy Vulcan would have stood all those events without any problem."  
"I think you're being too hard on yourself. We were all under a lot of pressure. I haven't been myself for a long time, too."  
"What if I told you I caused this ... of my own will?"  
Archer looked at her, puzzled.  
"I don't understand ..."  
"What happened on the Seleya was only the beginning." she paused "When I was exposed to Trellium, its effects were overwhelming. I was violent ... and paranoid. But as they began to wear off, I experienced certain emotions ... and I wanted more."  
Archer shook his head: "I'm not sure I follow you ..."  
"I began to experiment with Trellium ..."  
A shiver ran down Archer's spine.  
"T'Pol ... what are you trying to tell me?"  
"I devised a way to inject small amounts of Trellium into my bloodstream. I did it for nearly 3 months."  
"What!" he stood up in amazement.  
"I know this is upsetting to you, Jonathan, but please ... let me finish."  
Archer closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his fists.  
"Go ahead" he muttered.  
"At first, I was able to control the new emotions ... and even enjoy some of them. But when the ship was attacked by the Xindi and I couldn't retrieve the Trellium for a couple of days ... I discovered I was addicted. I was agitated ... and afraid. Those were the first withdrawal symptoms. I even experienced anger ..."  
Suddenly Archer remembered T'Pol shouting in his ready room and crushing a PADD on his desk.  
He gasped for air, in disbelief.  
"How could you do this to yourself?"  
She remained silent, with an unemotional look on her face.  
This made him lose his temper and, looking deeply into her eyes, he shaked her shoulders: "How could you?"  
Then he turned his back on her and looked at the ceiling, sighing deeply.  
"You must have known it was dangerous. You could die! Why did you do such a stupid thing?"  
"Because I wanted to understand ..."  
"Understand what?"  
"Back from the Seleya, when I asked you to leave me behind, you refused."  
"What has this to do with ..."  
She interrupted him: "You told me that you couldn't try to save humanity without holding on to what makes you human ..."   
T'pol spoke with finality, her voice trembling slightly.  
He stared at her, not completely sure what she was getting at.  
"Vulcans are led by logic ... it's an essential part of our existence. A Vulcan Captain would have left me behind, in order to protect the ship and his crew ... but you took a completely illogical decision, which I couldn't understand."  
She stood up and got near him: "I wanted to know what makes you human, Jonathan."  
He looked at her as he didn't recognize her anymore.  
"But you have lost yourself in the process ..." he murmured.  
He felt hurt ... and disappointed by what she had revealed.  
Events from the past, which were inexplicable at that time, came back to his memory, finally fitting into the puzzle.  
He went to the window and looked at the stars, trying to suppress his angry feelings.  
"I imagine you're no longer addicted, now."  
"No." she paused "Dr. Phlox helped me to recover ... I asked him not to inform you about it. I hope there won't be repercussions for him."  
"I don't know, T'Pol ... all this is so absurd ... that I can't even think!" he banged his hand on the wall. "Why didn't you tell me before?"  
She lowered her eyes: "It wasn't easy, after I stopped with the Trellium. My new emotions were even more difficult to suppress without it. It took a long time to try and find a balance ..." she sighed, trying to push away the sorrow that his anger was causing.  
"And ... did you find it?"  
"Not completely." she swallowed "Truth is ... that part of the emotions I've accessed will probably be with me forever. I'm trying, through deep meditation and rituals ... to cope with them."  
Archer looked at her for a long moment without saying anything.  
"What do you expect from me, T'Pol?"  
"Maybe ... that you would understand ..."  
"Tell me how can I understand such a foolish behaviour!" then he rubbed his hands across his face. "I trusted you, T'Pol, more than anyone else! I've always fought to keep you here ... I've even put my personal feelings before the safety of the ship, because I didn't want to give up on you!"  
She felt that her control was starting to slip away ... she had betrayed his trust in her, and now he was deeply hurt.  
"I'm not proud of what I've done ..." she murmured "... and I'm not searching for excuses."  
"You should have come to me before." he said in a low voice. "Maybe I could help ... maybe I could stop you from doing this ..."  
"I've tried." she countered "But you were so obsessed with your mission, that there wasn't place for anything else."  
"There was, T'Pol." he said "I wish you would have insisted ... because there's always been a place for you."  
"And now?" she asked.  
"And now ... I don't know if I can trust you again!" he said, his voice trembling.  
She lowered her eyes, feeling defeated. _"He'll never forgive me"_ she thought.  
They didn't talk for some minutes.  
Archer was looking out of the window and T'Pol was standing behind him, unable to move.  
He stifled tears and drew a deep breath before asking: "Does Trip know about ... your addiction?"  
"No."  
"Are you going to tell him?"  
"I don't think so."  
"You should." he paused "In a good relationship, there is no room for secrets."  
"I have no relationship with Commander Tucker." she stated.  
But he didn't believe her: "There's no need to deny it, T'Pol. I'm not going to reproach you. I know I overreacted two weeks ago ... and I want you to know that I won't stand in your way anymore, if your relationship doesn't interfere with your duty." he muttered.  
She tried to object, but he continued: "Actually, I can't require you follow the regulations ... I'm afraid I'm not following either."  
"Are you saying that ..." she asked, afraid to hear his answer.  
"I have a relationship with Niki." he confirmed.  
T'Pol felt a sharp stab in her heart.  
"I hope this doesn't bother you ... we'll be discreet and keep a professional behaviour in front of the crew. I expect you and Trip to do the same."  
She bursted out: "I told you" then she lowered her voice "... I have no relationship with Commander Tucker. I never had."  
Archer knitted his brow, not sure he understood what she was saying.  
"Now, if you want to excuse me, I'm going to rest. I have the first shift tomorrow. Good night ... Captain." and she left the ready room.  
Archer remained alone, hurt and confused.

o-o-o-o-o

Still dressed, Niki had fallen asleep on Archer's bed.  
Late at night she woke up and looked at the clock. Then she realized that he was there in the dark, sitting on the couch.  
"Jon ... why didn't you wake me up?"  
"I didn't want to disturb you ..." he muttered.  
She got up and kneeled in front of him.  
Something was very wrong.  
"Are you ok? You look upset ..."  
"I'm not in the mood to talk about it." he stood up and began to unzip his uniform "It's very late and we should both get some sleep, we've got a lot of work to do tomorrow."  
"Hey ... hey, Jon!" she grabbed his arm "What's happening? What did she tell you?"  
He glanced at her without saying anything. That look was enough. She could read his eyes.  
"She hurt you." she whispered, caressing his cheek.  
Suddenly he grabbed her and kissed her hungrily, slipping his hand under Niki's teeshirt and jerking her towards the bed.  
She pulled away from him: "What the hell are you doing?"  
"I thought you wanted me, too." he replied, panting.  
"Yes, but not this way." she said "Tell me what happened, Jon."  
He lowered his eyes.  
"Truth is ... you'll never stop loving her."  
She headed for the door.  
"Where are you going?" he asked.  
"In my quarters."  
"Niki, don't ... I really care for you, believe me ..."  
Her voice was cold as ice: "Good night ... Captain."


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20  
**  
Enterprise was reaching the Altair system at max. warp.  
Malcolm and Hoshi were having dinner at the mess-hall.  
"I can't wait to get there. I missed some action, I don't like when there's too much calm." Malcolm said, munching his meal.  
"How exciting" Hoshi teased him "Blowing up things, you have a whole secret base waiting for you."  
"Well, that is the best part." he winked.  
"Don't you think there's a strange atmosphere lately?" Hoshi asked.  
"Well, I think it's quite normal ... we're going on a dangerous mission, after all."  
"That's not what I mean, Mal. There's a feeling of ... sadness."  
"Sadness?"  
"The Captain seems absent-minded ... this morning I had to tell him 3 times that there was a call from Starfleet. Niki works all day on the shuttle or in Engineering ... she asked Trip to keep her far from the bridge, coming up with some extra-repairs which can be managed only by Niki's capabilities."  
"Niki is just too good to stay at the helm all day" was Malcolm's comment.  
"No, there's something behind this." she said, shaking her head. "I'm really worried about her. She looks depressed."  
"She should have known better ..." Malcolm sighed "I had told her that she was on a dangerous road with the Captain."  
"Is it true they were together during the shore-leave?"  
"That's the rumour. Ensign Ramirez even told me she saw them kissing outside Starfleet HQ. But you should have more information than me. I thought she confided in you."  
"She only admitted she's in love with him ..." Hoshi paused "... but she never told me that she had a relationship with the Captain."  
"He's a man, after all. Maybe he couldn't resist to Niki's charm and then he decided to break off, once back at work. Starfleet regulations ..."  
Hoshi interrupted him: "Those regulations didn't stop you from being with me, Mal. And I know the Captain is not THAT KIND of man! He could never take advantage of a woman and break her heart that way ..."  
"Hey Hoshi" Malcolm chuckled "Don't assume the defensive position ... I'm just guessing what happened."  
T'Pol came up to talk to them at their table.  
"I'm searching for Lt. Parker. She's not in her quarters or in the gym, do you know where I could find her?"  
"Maybe she's in Cargo Bay 3" said Hoshi. Malcolm blew her with the elbow but she didn't care.  
"Cargo Bay 3?" T'Pol raised an eyebrow.  
"Rhythmic Gymnastics" Hoshi explained "It's the only place large enough for her exercises."  
"Thanks, Ensign."  
When T'Pol left the mess-hall, Malcolm asked: "Why did you tell her about that?"  
"Niki needs a friend. She had good relations with T'Pol, maybe she can help her."  
"A Vulcan cheering up a Human?" Malcolm was puzzled "I don't think so."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Archer was laying on his bed, petting his dog and feeling alone more than ever.  
He missed T'Pol ... he missed Niki ... he was confused.  
He wasn't even sure about his feelings anymore.  
He sorely wished to be able to talk to both of them, but didn't know what to say.  
He was filled with a growing sense of anguish, as Enterprise was reaching the Altair system.  
_"Maybe it's my fault"_ he thought _"I didn't realize there was something terribly wrong with T'Pol in the Expanse. I should have noticed. Trip should have noticed!"_  
He cursed himself and his friend for not doing anything to prevent this.  
He couldn't believe that she had waited so long to tell him. Why now? He had talked to Phlox about it, hoping he could fill in a few of the blanks for him, but he had refused to violate the professional secrecy, assuring him she had always been fit for duty.  
He realized he was so upset because she could have been killed by the Trellium. He could have lost her!  
He sighed deeply. He couldn't even think how his life would have been without T'Pol ...

Niki.  
Still he couldn't understand the nature of his feelings towards her.  
He only knew she wasn't there. It hurt.  
Before knowing her, he thought that the stars were enough to him. He thought Enterprise was his home and the crew was a sort of ... family. But then she came and reminded him there was something more out there ... that he needed to be loved.  
Those days spent with her on Earth ... she had made him feel good. She always was so caring, doing little things for him, cooking for him, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, making love. It was almost like being a family ... he closed his eyes and the images of T'Pol and Niki were superimposed in his thoughts.  
For a while, he heard music in his mind and felt better ... then he gasped for breath and felt like a rip in his heart.  
**_"miss you ... ashaya"_**

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

T'Pol entered Cargo Bay 3.  
There's was music all around, flute and violins.  
Niki was there, tossing a hoop and cutting capers, making splits and flying in the air.  
T'Pol watched her silently ... the music and Niki's movements combined perfectly. T'Pol felt the sensation was ... agreeable.  
As soon as the music was over, Niki remained on the floor and bursted into tears.  
T'Pol didn't know what to do. She hesitated for a moment, then she decided to get near her.  
Niki realized she wasn't alone and tried to wipe her tears away.  
"Sem-rik" T'Pol said ( fascinating).  
"Kunli du tizh-tor" she answered ( glad you enjoyed).  
T'Pol had taught her Vulcan during the previous mission and Niki had been a fast learner. They had spent some time together reading the Kirshara.  
Niki realized she missed the time spent with her.  
"Are you all right?"  
"I'm fine ..." Niki answered, then she sighed "No, I'm not."  
Niki rose to her feet, wiped her face with a towel and wore a track suit.  
"Does it have something to do with the Captain?"  
Niki stiffened and turned towards T'Pol.  
"T'Pol ... I don't feel comfortable talking with you about my feelings for Jonathan."  
"I apologize. I didn't mean to be indiscreet."  
"Never mind." she muttered.  
"I wonder why all humans wants to fall in love ... this emotion seems so ... unsettling. I thought humans searched for happyness." she insisted.  
"We do. And we chose to love ... even if it hurts."  
"I don't understand ..."  
"Love is a state of mind, T'Pol. It's not only the emotion that binds a man with a woman. It has so many facets. It's not easy to explain. It's something that makes your heart beating ... feelings that give life meaning. It's when ... you just breath easier because the one you love is by your side. It's when ... you're ready to give up your life for the one you love, just because you want him to be happy." she said these last words sobbing.  
Niki put all her things in a bag. She drew breath and said:  
"Keep this to yourself, T'Pol. When this mission is over, I'll resign my commission."  
T'Pol looked at her, puzzled: "Why?"  
"This is not what I dreamed of. Rhythmic Gymnastics is my life, I wanna go back to Earth and open a school ... I wanna teach this wonderful way of celebrating life." she said. _"If I make it"_ she thought.  
"Why are you telling this to me?"  
"I need you to promise me that you'll stay by his side, whatever happens."  
T'Pol was confused by Niki's request.  
"Why me? You don't want to stay with him?"  
"I do. God knows how much I do ... but it's not me he wants, not really." she sighed, then she took T'Pol's hands in hers.  
"Promise me."  
T'Pol looked in Niki's eyes and said: "I promise."  
"Thanks." Niki whispered "Now I'd better go to my quarters and practice yoga. I need to regain control of myself. We're going to reach Altair in 48 hours and I wanna stay focused on the mission."  
She was going to leave the Cargo Bay, but T'Pol stopped her:  
"There's an ancient Vulcan ritual that might help. I would be pleased to guide you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The structure collapsed under Niki's fingers once again.  
She and T'Pol had been meditating side by side for hours.  
She sighed: "I suppose only a Vulcan with a disciplined mind can perform this ritual successfully."  
T'Pol answered calmly: "My first attempts failed, too." she paused "Maybe we could try another way."  
T'Pol sat in the lotus position in front of Niki and took her hands.  
"Close your eyes and try to clear your mind"   
Niki followed T'Pol's instructions.  
"... now breathe deeply ... focus on your senses ... visualize the structure ... can you see it?"  
Niki whispered: "Yes."  
T'Pol left Niki's hands free. "Now try again."  
Their voices said in unison: "Structure, logic, function, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control."  
A single structure took form under their hands ... it was beautiful ... and perfect ... when the last block was placed, they both opened their eyes and stared in amazement.  
**_"ri-gishu"_**

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Archer was in his ready-room with Trip and Niki, listening to their report.  
He planned to meet Malcolm later to examine the map of the secret base once again.  
Engines were in perfect order and the shuttle was ready and well-armed.  
They were going to leave, but Archer stopped Niki.  
"Lt. Parker, may I have a word with you?"  
"Yes, Captain."  
Trip nodded and left them alone.  
"You've been very busy lately." he said.  
"Commander Tucker needed my help, Sir, I ..."  
"I know you asked him to keep you far from me."  
"After all, you knew where to find me." she answered sarcastically.  
"I wasn't sure what to tell you."  
"And now?"  
"I only know I miss you ..."  
She was on the verge of tears and turned her back on him to hide it.  
"Niki" he sighed "I didn't mean to hurt you."  
"But you did."  
"I'm sorry ..."  
He got near her and put his hands on her shoulders.  
"I was upset. T'Pol revealed me something I would never have expected. I can't tell you what it's about, but ... I feel as if I have lost my trust in her."  
Niki knew what he was talking about, but she remained silent.  
"I don't know what came over me last night" he continued "Maybe I just wanted to forget everything in your arms, I don't know ..."  
"Sounds like you're using me." she interrupted him.  
"No, please don't get me wrong!"  
She turned to face him.  
"Would you answer this question, honestly?"  
"Yes?"  
"If she returned your feelings ..." she paused "would you be here with me?"  
Jon's eyes shimmered with unshed tears.   
"Dammit, Niki! Don't go there. You know how I feel ..."  
"Jon, please ... don't." Niki held a hand up, stemming any further comment from him. "When I came to your apartment, I knew you were in love with her. I just wanted to be with you, give you all my love and enjoy every single moment. I didn't expect anything. Then you changed our relationship and I allowed myself to hope for more. It was a mistake."  
"I'll never think of us as a mistake, Niki. When I told you I had feelings for you ... I was sincere."  
"It's absurd, Jon. You can't be in love with two women at the same time."  
"Ok, maybe I'm confused ... maybe I'm a fool ... but I know that I don't wanna lose you."  
He hugged her, but she stiffened in his arms.  
She slowly pushed him away.  
"I love you more than anything in this world, Jon. And it breaks my heart to say it, but it's over. I can't live with T'Pol's shadow between us."  
"There were moments when I didn't let her shadow come between us, Niki."  
"It wasn't enough, Jon ..." she muttered.  
Archer clenched his fists, but didn't say anything.  
"Whatever T'Pol did ... it has nothing to do with trust ... I'm sure she would never betray you, in any way." Niki said "Forgive her ... and she will forgive you."  
He closed his eyes for a moment, sighing deeply.  
When he looked back, she wasn't there anymore.  
**_"rom-halan ... my love"_**


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21  
**  
Enterprise had arrived at the boundary of the Altair system.  
Further scans had revealed two Klingon Bird-of-Prey near the fifth planet, where the base was located.  
It was an uninhabited planet with two moons.  
Archer and his officers were examining the situation in the briefing room.

"They're heavily armed." Malcolm said "If we go against them, they will break us to pieces."  
"Did they detect us?" asked Archer.  
"Apparently their long-range sensors are not scanning in our direction." T'Pol countered. "But it won't take long before they do."  
"Are there human bio-signs aboard their vessels?" asked Archer.  
"No, Sir." Hoshi answered.  
"Seems all scientists are inside the base. Any chance to beam them up with the transporter?" was Archer's question.  
"The base has a sort of shield which destabilizes the bio-signs signal, the transporter wouldn't work." said T'Pol.  
"In any case, we aren't close enough to match the transporter range." added Trip.  
"We could use the shuttlepods." suggested Hoshi.  
"Klingons would destroy them before they reach the planet." said Malcolm.  
"We should find a way to land on the planet without being traced." mumbled Archer.  
Niki said: "The test shuttle has a device to fake its impulse signature. But if they make visual scans, its presence could be easily revealed. Moreover, we should prevent communications between the base and the Klingon vessels."  
"We should jam their scanners and their communications ... but how?" asked Trip.  
"That is not a problem ... I could send a sort of interference signal to their vessels." said Hoshi "But they would detect the source and our ship too quickly."  
"What if the source wasn't our ship?" asked Niki.  
Archer looked at her, puzzled. "What do you mean?"  
She pressed some buttons on the console to give them a larger view of the planet.  
"There are two satellites orbiting the planet ... here and here" she pointed her finger at the screen "They orbit at an elevation of approximately 35000 km."  
"What are they for?" asked Trip.  
"Communications, I suppose." Niki said, shrugging her shoulders.  
"Go ahead." said Archer, who was becoming curious.  
"They follow exactly the same orbit, one opposed to the other. This means that only one satellite is visible, while the other is hidden by the planet." she pressed other buttons to magnify the view of one satellite. "Considering Klingon's position ... if we place one transmitter on each satellite, it would take them some time to detect both sources and destroy them."  
Hoshi smiled: "Good idea, Niki, I could place those transmitters and make the final adjustments of the jamming signal."  
"What's their revolution time around the planet?" asked Archer.  
T'Pol made some calculus on her PADD "58 minutes. This means that there's an interval of 29 minutes between the two satellites."  
"The question is ... how do we reach each satellite without being detected?" said Trip.  
"I have an idea ..." said Archer, pointing at the screen "We'll stay on the far side of that moon. It should keep us out of view. Hoshi could reach the first satellite, place the transmitter, wait for the second and ..."  
"We can't use the shuttles or the transporter, they would detect us." said Niki.  
"She could use the EV suit's thrusters." Archer countered.  
"It would take hours to reach the satellite, the air supply in the EV suit wouldn't be enough." said T'Pol.  
Trip opened his eyes wide: "The grappler!"  
"What?" Malcolm said and everybody looked at Trip questioningly.  
"We could use the grappler to push her towards the satellite and retrieve her the same way. The tethers are long enough to do the trick ... and it would be very fast!" Trip answered.  
"No, no, wait a minute ... that's a too difficult procedure for Hoshi, I will do that." said Malcolm.  
"Oh well, that's flattering!" Hoshi said in anger "That's MY job, Mal ... I can do it!"  
Malcolm grabbed her arm: "It's too risky." he muttered.  
She could read in his eyes he was worried.  
"I can look out for myself, Mal." she said calmly "I've got my space legs."  
"Don't worry Malcolm. We will bring her back in one piece." Archer smiled. "Now, this should give us time enough to land with the shuttle, place the charges and retrieve the scientists before the base blows up."  
"We don't know how many Klingons are there, Sir." Niki countered.  
"Lt. Parker is right, their presence has to be expected." said T'Pol.  
"Even if the signal is destabilized, we could locate them and avoid their position inside the base." answered Archer.  
Niki said: "It would be more easier if we simply blow up the base and leave them ..."  
"This is out of the question!" Archer interrupted her "I won't let them die."  
"You already know my opinion, Captain." Niki said, folding her arms "Dr. Parsons and his henchmen are too dangerous to be left alive. Admiral Gardner's orders ..."  
"I won't kill them. I will bring them back to Earth ... cost what it may." he said with finality.  
Niki raised her hands in surrender: "As you wish, Captain."  
Archer could feel she was hurt even if she didn't show, but he pretended not to notice.  
T'Pol broke the silence: "The test shuttle is not big enough to contain all the scientists."  
"I'll see to it" Trip said "Removing some equipments from the shuttle and the rescue capsule, there will be place for 12, not more. They won't be comfortable, but I suppose they will adapt themselves."  
"This means that only one of us can land on the planet!" Malcolm objected. "How can he place the charges, evacuate the scientists and leave the planet before the base blows up? There's not enough time to do that alone."  
"And you're forgetting the Klingons." added Niki.  
Archer paced the room, then stopped and asked: "The shuttle has the autopilot ... could it be controlled by the bridge, so that we can bring it back with the scientists?"  
Niki said: "Yes, but ..." then she realized what he had in mind. "This would mean that ..."  
**_"don't!"_**  
"First, evacuate the scientists ... then, place the charges and blow up the base. At least, they will be safe." Archer said "As soon as the scientists are onboard, Enterprise will leave at max. warp. Before the Klingons realize what's happening, you will be far from here."  
"This would mean that the shuttle's pilot wouldn't make it back!" Trip exclaimed.  
"I know, Trip." Archer said calmly "I'll be that pilot."  
A deafening silence filled the room.  
**_"pehkaya!"_**

o-o-o-o-o-o

They all tried to make him change his mind, but to no avail.  
T'Pol and Niki stayed in his ready room for half an hour, trying to convince him it was a mistake, but he didn't listen.  
Meanwhile, Malcolm was escorting Hoshi to the airlock.  
"Don't be worried about the Captain, Malcolm. I know that, somehow, he'll surprise us. He always does ... I'm sure he'll be back."  
"I would like to have your optimism, Hoshi." he sighed.  
He couldn't stop giving her advices, so she simply kissed him long and lovingly, to make him shut up.  
"I love you, Lt. Reed." she smiled.  
"I love you too." he mumbled.  
"Don't worry, I'll be back ... and I'll marry you and we'll have children and we'll make love ... well ... not necessarily in that order." she chuckled.  
Malcolm stared at her: "I didn't ask you to marry me ... not yet."  
"I'm asking first. Will you marry me, Malcolm Reed?" she asked gently "Don't answer now. Just think about it." she winked, closing the airlock door.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Trip and Archer were in launch bay, checking the last things on the shuttle and waiting for Hoshi's signal that the first transmitter was working.  
"Cap'n, please, don't do this."  
"I have to."  
"Then send someone else ... send me!"  
"No, Trip, you're needed here. We both know that this ship wouldn't get anywhere without you. I can't make the warp engines run. A Captain can be easily replaced, but not one helluva chief engineer." he tried to joke.  
"A friend like you cannot be easily replaced."  
Archer patted his shoulder: "We've been through a lot together, Trip." he smiled. "I'm sorry I wasn't always there, when you needed me. I hope you have forgiven me. This ship has eaten away my life more than I expected." he sighed deeply.  
"Forget it. We both know you had a great responsibility in the Expanse and ..."  
"This doesn't justify my behaviour, Trip. I let the Xindi become an obsession. I shouldn't have ..."  
"The situation was understandable. If it wasn't for you, I am sure we would all be dead by now."  
"Do you perhaps believe that this consoles me? Sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to live ... or be happy."  
"Don't be too hard on yourself, Jon."  
"27, Trip. 27 crewmen didn't make it back. Their parents were there, in front of me and I couldn't find a way to explain why I wasn't able to protect them. I couldn't stand to do that once again." he sighed deeply "Nobody waits for me on Earth, nobody will cry."  
"That's not true, Jon. We are your family ... well, I can't speak for the others ... but I will surely cry."  
They hugged sadly.  
Trip was going away, but Archer stopped him: "Trip, would you do me a favour?"  
"Yes?"  
"Take good care of T'Pol."  
Trip was puzzled and was going to ask something more, but Malcolm said through the comm: _"Bridge to capt. Archer"_  
"Archer here."  
_"Hoshi has placed the first transmitter, the jamming signal will start in a couple of minutes. Get ready to leave."_  
"Acknowledged."  
Archer gave half a smile to Trip: "You'd better get out here, Trip."  
Trip nodded: "Goodbye, Cap'n."  
Trip left the launch bay and Archer was going aboard the shuttle, when a voice behind him said:  
"Don't ... move!"  
He slowly turned and watched in amazement the woman with a phase-pistol in her hand.  
"I won't let you do that, Jonathan." a tear rolled on her cheek and her voice quivered "Not this time."  
He couldn't believe to his eyes.  
He only stammered: "T ... T'Pol?"


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22  
**  
Archer looked at the phase-pistol pointed at him, and then back at T'Pol's face.  
"T'Pol ... give me that weapon."  
He moved towards her.  
"I said don't move." she said.  
He stopped, staring at her with wide, apprehensive eyes.  
"What's wrong with you?" he muttered.  
"I'm only taking the most logical course of action." she paused "Stop you from throwing away your life. Enterprise need its Captain, for I will go in your place. I'm the second in command."  
He shook his head.  
"Listen to me, I have to do this ... not you."  
"No, you don't." she interrupted him "I will not permit it."  
"Why?"  
Her hazel eyes were shimmering, her bottom lip quivering.  
"I observed you so many times, facing critical events ... you never back down. You meet your responsibilities squarely to defend your ship and your crew. When you went to Azati Prime and left me in command, I wasn't able to protect them ... all those people dead ... you still blame yourself, but it was my fault. Truth is ... that this ship cannot survive without you. Enterprise needs you, not me."  
"T'Pol ..." he sighed "This is not true. You're important to this ship, more than everyone else. You're important to me." he slowly got near her "Please, don't do this."  
"If I've learned anything about humans, it's that they follow their instincts. Now I'm doing the same. I won't let you go and die!"   
"I know you care for me as a friend and I appreciate but ..." while he was talking, he saw somebody come out of nowhere, grab her from the back and put an hypospray to her neck, injecting the contents.  
"Sorry T'Pol ..." he heard Niki's voice "This is my call."  
T'Pol lost consciousness.  
Niki lifted her easily and carried her in the launch bay control room, then ran back to him.  
Archer looked at Niki, puzzled: "What the hell ..."  
"Don't worry Jon, she'll be ok." she said, picking up the phase-pistol from the floor.  
"How did you know that she would have tried to stop me?"  
"I knew ... Period." she said with finality.  
_"Bridge to Captain Archer."_ they heard Malcolm's voice through the comm.  
"Go ahead."  
"_The jamming signal is going to start in 30 seconds."_  
"Understood." he looked at Niki "Take care of her, I must go."  
He turned to go towards the shuttle, but suddenly Niki grabbed him from behind.  
"I don't think so." she threatened him with the phase-pistol while twisting his arm behind his back.  
"What does that mean?" he asked. "Have you all gone crazy on this ship?"  
"I have no time to explain." she said, jerking him towards the control room.  
He tried to resist, but she hissed: "I'm much stronger then you would expect, Jon, I could easily break your arm. I suggest you to obey and go in there. Now!"  
She forced him on the floor of the control room.  
"What do you have in mind?" he asked.  
She panted. "If only you had listened to me, Jon ... you're a stubborn man! I'm going ahead with the mission."  
"Listen, you can't do this, you ..."  
She interrupted him. "You're wrong. I'm the only one who can. I'm an Augment ... and I'm gonna complete this damned mission and then take my life back!"  
He opened his eyes wide in surprise.  
"You are ... what?"  
"I must run, Jon. Daniels will explain everything."  
"Daniels?"  
She pressed the cool head of a hypospray against his neck. "Now, you're gonna take a nap."  
"Niki, don't do this ... not for me." he pleaded.  
"I'm not doing this for you, Jon." she said calmly, injecting him.  
Before losing consciousness completely, Archer could feel Niki's lips brushing his: "I love you" she murmured, then there was only darkness.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Niki was piloting the shuttle towards the planet's surface.  
She had difficulty breathing. Her anxiety was increasing.  
_"Focused ... I must keep focused." _ she thought.  
She sighed deeply, remembering Archer's face when she had revealed she was an Augment.  
"Oh Jon ..." she whispered "I hope you'll understand ... I really hope!"  
She remembered when Daniels had explained her about the mission.  
_  
Her reaction had been strong: "You want me to become a murderer?"  
"No, I want you to save Earth's and Vulcan's future."  
"Ironic, Daniels, isn't it? Save one person's life and sacrifice another 11 to change the future."  
"To make it better, Niki. To make it better."_

A slight pain in her stomach brought her back to reality.  
_"You can't afford to break down right now, Niki"_ she thought to herself _"You made your decision a long time ago, now it's too late to change your mind."_  
She landed on the planet without problems. Hoshi's jamming signal was working fine.  
She bypassed the codes of a secondary entrance and slipped into the base.  
She had removed her Starfleet uniform and worn a catsuit, to be more comfortable.  
In fact, she had planned to crawl through the air duct to reach the power generator, place the charges and run away before the whole base blew up.  
She knew the base map by heart. She had prepared that mission for years.  
She drew a deep breath and began to crawl through the air duct.  
"I am in control." she muttered "I am in control." she repeated.  
Then all her Augment's senses became focused on the mission and she forgot all the rest.

_This world can turn me down  
But I won't turn away  
And I won't duck and run  
Cause I'm not built that way._

o-o-o-o-o-o

When Archer finally regained consciousness, he was in sickbay.  
"How do you feel?" asked Phlox.  
He rose from the biobed.  
"Oh, crap!" he moaned, riding out a wave of nausea and swallowing a gasp of pain.  
"Easy easy, Captain." Phlox warned him. "The effects of the injection are wearing off but you will feel dizzy for a while."  
"How long have I been out?" he murmured.   
"Less than one hour." Trip said. "What the hell happened with Niki? T'Pol didn't give us too much explanations."  
"I'll explain later. Where are they?" he asked, trying to keep on his feet.  
"T'Pol is on the bridge, she's fine ... I saw no reason to keep her here." said Phlox.  
"We have no news from Niki, though." Trip sighed "After her message that she was going in your place because you were accidentally injured, we heard nothing."  
"I'm not injured ... but my stomach aches ... oh, god ... " he clamped both hands over his mouth to stifle a gag. He ran to the washbasin and began to throw up.  
Phlox and Trip exchanged a questioning look.  
"Side-effects of the injection?" Trip asked.  
"Well ... he should be fine." Phlox shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe he's just ... agitated."  
Archer washed his face with cold water.  
"Feel any better?" Phlox asked, handing him a towel.  
He threw him a sour look as he dried his face. "How is possible that Niki is an Augment?"  
"What?" Trip and Phlox both looked at him in surprise.  
"Before leaving, Niki told me she was the only one who could accomplish the mission, because she's an Augment. And Daniels has something to do with it."  
"Daniels?" Trip asked "I thought he was out of our lives forever."  
"So did I." Archer muttered. "Doctor?" he looked at Phlox questioningly.  
"Her medical record does not mention anything about DNA mutations. Everything indicated that she was in perfect health. And, during her presence aboard the Enterprise, she's never needed a doctor."  
They were interrupted by T'Pol's voice: _"Bridge to Sickbay."_  
Archer pressed the communicator button.  
"Archer here."  
_"The first satellite has been destroyed by one of the Klingon vessels. A Bird-of-Prey has broken orbit to target the second one."_  
Archer ordered. "Tactical Alert. Load all torpedo bays, stand by weapons." he paused "Any news from Lt. Parker?"  
_"No, Sir. Her shuttle reached the planet approx. 15 minutes ago. She should be inside the base, but her bio-sign cannot be detected because of the destabilizing shield."_  
"How much time to be within transporter's range?" he asked.  
_"Less than 5 minutes, Sir."_  
"Set a course towards the planet and target the base. As soon as we're in transporter range, grab her signal and beam her up immediately. Get ready to fire on my order."  
_"Understood."_  
"What about the scientists?" Trip asked.  
"Niki has no intention of saving them. It's too late now, we must destroy the base."  
"And Niki?"  
Archer looked at Trip with an unspeakable expression.  
"If she's still alive, we're not gonna leave her. Also because she has a lot of things to explain."

o-o-o-o-o-o

The charges were placed. The countdown had already started.  
There wasn't enough time to go back through the air duct, so Niki ran through the corridors to reach the outside area.  
Along her way, she had been forced to stun a couple of scientists with her phase pistol.  
Now only a few meters separated her from being safe.  
She tapped the code to open the same door she had used to get in, but while it was opening, she heard a voice behind her:  
**_"bljeghbe'chug vaj blHegh!"_**( Surrender or die!)  
A shiver ran down Niki's spine. She turned to face a Klingon warrior.  
He had a bathleth in his hand, and she realized he had no intention of letting her go.  
He kicked away the phase-pistol from her hand and a strenuous fight began.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Enterprise was under attack.  
They had managed to destroy the first vessel, but the second one was still targeting them.  
T'Pol said: "We're taking heavy damage."  
"Hull plating's down to 40. We cannot hold out long, Captain!" Malcolm cried.  
"Keep firing!" Archer ordered.  
"Captain!" T'Pol said "I'm detecting explosions inside the base."  
They could see the explosions devastating the base on the screen.  
"She made it." Malcolm said with satisfaction.  
"I'm reading one faint human biosign outside the base. It appears to be Lt. Parker." T'Pol said from her station.  
"Beam her up!" Archer cried, running towards the turbolift. "As soon as she's onboard, get the hell out of here!"

o-o-o-o-o-o

Archer ran through the corridor to reach the sickbay. His heart was racing. He could barely breath.  
While he was in the turbolift, they had notified him that the Klingons were still following them, but the distance between their vessel and Enterprise was increasing. Niki was in bad shape and had been taken to sickbay.  
The sickbay doors slid open. Phlox was working feverishly on Niki and giving orders to his assistant.  
Archer was no doctor, but it didn't take medical training to understand that the situation was really bad. He swallowed hard at the sight of her body covered with blood. Her eyes were open.  
"Jon" she pleaded "Take me home ..." then she lost consciousness.  
Phlox was talking, but he couldn't understand a word. It seemed like his voice came from a great distance.  
He watched Niki's body disappear in the imaging chamber.  
He felt his legs becoming weak. He would topple to the floor soon.  
Phlox brought him back to reality: "There's no internal bleeding, but several internal organs are bruised and inflamed. Three ribs are cracked, making her breathing difficult and painful. Her lungs and kidneys have been damaged and she has lost a lot of blood."  
"The explosion?" Archer asked, panting.  
"No, she managed to say she's been attacked by a Klingon."  
"Bastard." he hissed.  
"I'm doing all I can to keep her alive, Captain." Phlox sighed "But she's in a very critical state and she could die at any minute. The fact she's an Augment does'n help very much. Her DNA makes her stronger, but not immortal. And there's a further complication."  
"What complication?"  
The full impact of Phlox's news hit him like a stone.  
"She's pregnant."


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23  
**  
It took long seconds for Archer to understand what Phlox had just said.

"She's what?"

"She's carrying a child, Captain ..."

His eyes dropped away from Phlox's face, focusing now on his own hands.

"B-but, how's that possible?" he stammered.

"Well ... I suppose she had a sexual relationship." Phlox shrugged his shoulders.

"How long has she ..."

"Been pregnant? About 3 ... 4 weeks. I assume it happened during her shore leave. Do you have any idea of who ..."

Archer started to pace, a little uncomfortable discussing his sex life with Phlox.

"She was with me." he confirmed.

"I beg your pardon, I didn't mean to be indiscreet."

"Never mind." he sighed "Did she know about it?"

"No, I don't think she was aware of that ... she wouldn't have put herself at risk on such a dangerous mission. Probably, she had no symptoms, yet. It's quite normal, in the first weeks of pregnancy."

"But ..."

Phlox interrupted him: "I will answer all your questions later, Captain. Now if you will excuse me, I have a patient to attend to."

Archer remained in sickbay. He was torn. He could barely think straight.

He felt sick to his stomach with fear. Fear of losing her. Fear of knowing the truth about who she really was and why she had done that.

A long time later the computer beeped a series of blips and Phlox checked the readout.

"The genetic test confirms that she's an Augment, Captain. She has enhanced abilities, not quite at the level of the Augments we met some months ago, but almost." Phlox touched the screen to check further data "I'm not quite sure if congratulations are in order, Captain, but the child is yours."

"I had no doubt about it, Doctor." he said with a hoarse voice.

Phlox frowned, looking at the screen.

"Is there something wrong?" Archer asked, worried.

"The genetic analysis found she's not entirely human. I will have to widen my search to include the interspecies database. But ... I already know who is her biological father."

"Is there a match in the Starfleet Database?"

Phlox nodded.

"Soong. Dr. Arik Soong."

o-o-o-o-o-o

**Somewhere in the 31st Century ...**

Daniels was watching through the Temporal Observatory.

"Impressive, quite impressive." was the alien's comment.

"She did it." he said.

"She's a remarkable woman. I admired her nerve and the way she fought against that Klingon. She killed him, eventually. Impressive." he repeated.

Daniels didn't say anything.

"I assume the timeline is safe ... isn't it?" the alien looked at him, waiting for a confirmation.

"Yes, but the outcome hasn't reached us yet. As soon as they find out what I've done, they will throw me out."

"You can't be sure of that. You told me this was for the best interest of both our species. I believe you are right."

"I broke every rule. But I don't regret it."

"I don't know if I would have been brave enough to make your decision." he patted him on the back "I'm an old-time historian. I observe events from the past, but I would never dare change them. Ever."

"I have to go through the time portal, now. This might be the last time I can use one."

"Are you going to talk to Archer?"

Daniels sighed: "I feel an explanation is due."

"Good luck." he put a hand on his shoulder "What about Nikita Parker?"

Daniels looked away.

"She will meet her fate." he muttered.

"This isn't fair." he objected.

"She accepted this mission. She knew the risks."

"You haven't been entirely true to her. And you won't be to Archer either."

"Please, don't go there. The situation is ..."

The alien interrupted him: "The situation is different, now! She's with child. If you do nothing, they're both going to die soon. I don't think she deserves this. And Archer neither."

"He's not supposed to have a wife ... or children in this timeline. I cannot predict what might happen if he did."

He turned to go away, but the alien grabbed his arm.

"Please ... give them a chance."

"I'm sorry." Daniels said "I can't."

o-o-o-o-o-o

T'Pol was heading for sickbay. It seemed like Enterprise had managed to shake off its followers. The Klingon vessel was no more detected by long-range sensors.

Before leaving the Altair system, they had managed to launch a probe into the planet's atmosphere. The first scans coming from the probe confirmed that the base was completely destroyed ... and that there was no survivor.

She had already informed Starfleet that the mission had been accomplished. She hadn't mentioned the details ... she thought better of discussing it with the Captain, first.

She felt uncomfortable. They hadn't had the opportunity to talk about the incident in launch bay, yet. And now Niki was in danger ... T'Pol felt some sort of apprehension about her. Even if they had feelings for the same man, she couldn't consider her as a rival.

When she reached sickbay, Archer was staring at a screen, his fingers caressing the image he was watching. It was undeniably a fetus, tiny and barely formed, but recognizably human.

Phlox took her aside and told her everything.

"I don't like to talk about personal matters, but Niki's getting worse ...She's undergoing cellular regeneration in the chamber, but her injuries are too extensive. We must be prepared to the possibility that she dies."

T'Pol winced at his telling.

Phlox continued: "I don't know how the Captain will react if Niki and the child die ... he will need somebody by his side. Somebody who cares for him. I cannot imagine anyone better than you, T'Pol."

Niki's voice echoed in her mind:

"**_I need you to promise me that you'll stay by his side, whatever happens."_**

She got near him. She raised a hand to touch him but hesitated at the last second and changed her mind.

"T'Pol." he murmured.

"Are you all right?" she asked, but he didn't answer.

He swallowed tightly. "I never thought I could be a father. I mean, I never saw myself as one."

"I'm sure you'd make a wonderful father, Jonathan." she said and covered his hand softly with hers.

He looked at her hand and then back at T'Pol's sparkling eyes.

His face was pale and without expression, like that of a man submitting to fate.

"Did the doctor tell you that the probability she will recover is very low?"

She nodded and felt a lump in her throat, watching him touch again the image on the screen.

"He's so tiny." he whispered "He's a miracle ... but probably, he'll never be born."

He covered his eyes and shook his head as if to shut out that thought.

"I don't wanna lose them, T'Pol. But I feel like they're leaving me, I cannot explain ... I just feel it."

"There's still hope, Jonathan." she said "Please ... don't give up."

Suddenly the sickbay doors slid open and Daniels showed up.

"Daniels!" Archer said in anger.

He raised his hands in surrender.

"I know you're mad at me, Captain."

"You'd better have a good explanation for all this!" he hissed "Last time we met I asked to leave us alone."

"I couldn't, Captain. There was something I had to do ... I hope you will understand. Niki did."

"Niki is fighting to live inside that chamber! And my child, too."

"I know ... I'm sorry."

Archer was about to respond, but T'Pol put a hand on his arm. "Jonathan please, calm down." she looked at Daniels. "Let him explain."

He sighed deeply and widened his arms in desperation. "I'm listening ..."

"Niki's real name was Nefer Soong. Her father Arik Soong fell in love with a woman of another species about 30 years ago. They couldn't have children naturally, so he took a fertalized egg and implanted it in her woumb. He was a genetist, though. He couldn't refrain from modifying her DNA and create an Augment. It was a success ... but her mother died in child-birth because of his experiments. Jeremy Connors was Soong's assistant. He was afraid of what Soong might have done to the baby. So he faked her death and brought her away. He changed his name to Parker and brought her up as his daughter. He was clever enough to hide her enhanced capabilities. That's why he guided her towards Rhythmic Gymnastics. That sport allowed her to let herself go. She never realized she wasn't normal."

T'Pol crossed her arms over her chest: "When did she discover the truth?"

"When she was 19. The day she won the World Championship, I met her. For you, it was 10 years ago. For me, only a few weeks ago."

"Poor Niki, she must have been devastated ..." Archer muttered.

"Yes, very sad indeed." Daniels sighed "But necessary. Parker couldn't hide her forever. She would have known, sooner or later."

"So, you convinced her to change her life to enter Starfleet. Why?" T'Pol asked.

"I needed her help to restore the timeline."

"Why do you need help? Why don't you restore things for yourself?" she countered.

"There are clearances. I can interact with people but I can't actively change things."

"What did you ask her to do?" Archer asked.

"To learn everything she could to become the best pilot on Earth. To enter Starfleet. To gain a position on Enterprise and accomplish her mission against the Klingons." Daniels noticed suspicion appearing on Archer's face "And no, I didn't ask her to seduce you, Captain. Actually, I tried more than once to stop her. I wanted her to leave her personal feelings behind. But she couldn't."

"Daniels" T'Pol said "Why was it so important that Niki carried out the mission? You could talk to the Captain, explain ..."

"He wouldn't have listened. He never does ... Niki tried to change his mind and convince him that it wasn't a rescue mission. He didn't listen. She tried to convince him that he didn't have to go on a suicide mission. He didn't listen either. Admiral Gardner was right. The scientists were too dangerous to be left alive. Dr. Parsons was going to sell his discovery to the Klingons. If other species knew Earth had developed such a lethal weapon, the possibility of forming an alliance would have been compromised."

"Your damned Federation." Archer said in anger.

Daniels lost his temper: "Listen to me, Captain. Soon Earth will have to face a war and you will need all the help you can get to defend the human kind. And you can't even imagine what humanity will have to face in the centuries to come! The Federation is the only solution. And it's you who will start it, like it or not!"

"I can't believe my place in history is so crucial. The Federation can be formed even without me!"

"I already proved you wrong. You don't know ..."

Archer interrupted him: "I only know that you troubled her life to accomplish this mission in my place. And now she's dying because of me!"

"You still don't get it Captain, do you? She didn't make it for you. She made it for her." Daniels said, pointing at the Vulcan.

Archer and T'Pol exchanged a questioning look.

"If it wasn't for Niki, T'Pol would be dead. The most important part of her mission was to save T'Pol's life."

They both opened their eyes wide in amazement.

T'Pol was going to say something, but suddenly a constant beep came from the imaging chamber.

They all turned to watch the screen, while Phlox was working feverishly on the console.

Niki's vital signs were all down. Phlox opened the chamber and desperately attempted to reanimate her body.

Tears of frustration and fright streamed down Archer's cheeks, as he stood aside watching the doctor fight for her life.

A few minutes later, Phlox had to give up.

Nikita Parker was gone ... forever.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24  
**  
Tension hanged heavy in the air. Archer, T'Pol and Daniels had moved in the briefing room on her request. She could see that Jonathan was deeply upset by Niki's death and she didn't want him to stay in sickbay any longer, staring at her dead body. His eyes were bleary and he looked pale.  
It was Daniels who broke the silence: "I'm so sorry, Captain."  
"Spare me your pathetic apologies, Daniels." he hissed "You said she had to save T'Pol's life. Explain."  
"Earlier, when you were in launch bay ... T'Pol threatened you with a phase pistol. Can you imagine what it would have happened if Niki hadn't stopped her?"  
"I would have convinced her to let me go."  
"No. You wouldn't." Daniels said with finality "T'Pol would have stunned you and taken the shuttle. She would have failed the mission, trying to save the scientists's life ... and she would have died a horrible ... horrible death in Klingon's hands."  
Archer rubbed his hands across his face: "What if Niki had stopped her and let me go?"  
"You would have died as well ... I couldn't let it happen. Both your lives are too important ..."  
"... and Niki was the only one here who was sacrificable?" Archer asked bitterly.  
"It's cruel ... but true."  
T'Pol asked: "Did she know that this was a suicide mission?"  
"She knew it was a high-risk mission ..." Daniels paused "but she also knew she had more possibilities to succeed because of her Augment DNA. Still I don't understand how she could lose the fight against that Klingon ..."  
"You said you met her 10 years in the past. I can't believe she accepted such a mission even though she didn't know us. I bet you lied to her!" Archer said in anger.  
"No, I didn't." Daniels pulled from his pocket a device and put it on the table.  
"What's that?" T'Pol asked.  
"You may not believe me, Captain." Daniel said "Maybe you'll believe her."  
He turned the device on and a holographic image appeared in their view. It was Niki. A younger version of her. Her hair were much longer. Her look was fresh, innocent, and wide-eyed.  
They watched her listen to Daniels, telling her the truth about her birth.  
"You say she didn't know you, Jonathan. Actually, she did ... I showed her your life ... and T'Pol's, too." he adjusted the device "Do you want to see her reactions?"  
Archer nodded.

_The hologram changed. Jonathan was flying a model spaceship on the beach with his father.  
"This is Jonathan Archer, Niki. He still doesn't know, but he will be the Captain of the first Warp-5 ship, Enterprise."  
"Can they see us?" she asked.  
"No, we are invisible to them." he reassured her. "You can even touch them, if you want. They won't realize."  
She looked at the boy tenderly.  
"He's happy. He loves his father."  
"Unfortunately this happiness won't last long."  
The scene changed and there was Jonathan, at his father's bedside. He was crying.  
"We are in 2124. His father is dying ... Clarke's Syndrome. There's no cure."  
Niki approached the kid: "This is not fair ..." she said and caressed his head.  
"No, it isn't ... but it will push him to do his best to realize his father's dream. And it will motivate him day after day, to get to see his father's engine fly."_

The scene changed again.  
A child was crying keeping a dead sehlat in her arms. Her mother was staring at her silently. She seemed disappointed.  
Niki knelt down near her, tracing one of her pointed ears with a finger.  
"A Vulcan ..." she whispered in amazement.  
"Her name is T'Pol."  
"I thought Vulcans didn't have emotions."  
"A common misconception. Vulcans do have emotions. They simply keep them suppressed. They believe that only logic has to guide their actions."  
"Will she be ok?" Niki asked, a little worried.  
"She'll be fine. At least until she meets humans."

Niki's first reaction to an adult Jonathan was interesting.  
He was in Admiral Forrest's office, listening to his orders.  
She didn't say a word. She walked around him in a slow circle, her deep blue eyes glaring at him. Then she stopped in front of him, her head tilted slightly as she looked in his eyes. She passed a hand across his face and then gave him a smile. It was an amazing smile.

Archer felt a lump in his throat.  
As Niki was watching their lives flow, who they were, what they had done ... she showed respect, admiration, affection for both of them.

_At a certain point, watching T'Pol saying to Archer she didn't want to return to Vulcan, she asked: "Daniels ... are they in love?"  
"They've become friends. They care for each other, but there's no romantic relationship between them." he paused "I don't know if there's more ... they never expressed it."_

She watched T'Pol and Trip draw near. She watched Archer changing, focusing only on his mission, loosing sleep.  
"Why?" she asked sadly to Daniels.  
"He doesn't want Earth to be destroyed. He feels the weight of his responsibilities. He's afraid to fail."  
"Where are his friends? Why do they leave him alone?"  
"He pushed them away. He left them alone, too."  
She watched him fall asleep on his desk. She bent down, bringing her lips to within inches of his ear.  
"I would never leave you alone. Ever." she whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his temple.

Archer wiped a tear away with the back of his hand. Some things now made more sense. More than once, he had the feeling that she could see through his pain. Now he knew why. She had been there all the time.

Archer startled when he saw T'Pol crying in his ready room.

_Niki asked: "Why is she crying?"  
"She believes she'll never see the Captain again. She thinks he's dead."  
"Is it because of the Trellium?"  
"The emotion is real. The Trellium only prevents her from suppressing it."  
Niki put a hand on T'Pol's shoulder.  
"You love him, don't you?" she said, even if she knew T'Pol couldn't hear her.  
"Later she will try to get a shuttlepod and save the Captain ..." Daniels explained.  
"I can't blame her ..." Niki interrupted him, a tear rolling on her cheek "I would do the same."  
"... but the Xindi will attack Enterprise and she won't be able to leave." Daniels finished the phrase._

Archer stared at T'Pol in surprise, but she quickly averted his eyes, unwilling to let him see her emotions.

_Azati Prime. "Stop them!" Niki shouted, trembling with tears, looking at Archer being beaten quite severely by the Reptilians.  
"I can't." Daniels answered. "We're just observers, now. This hasn't happened in your time, yet."  
He saw himself unconscious in the air chamber of the Acquatic vessel. Niki was kneeled beside him.  
"God ... what did they do to him ..." she whispered.  
"Believe me Niki, he'll be fine."  
"How can he stand all this?" she asked.  
"He doesn't realize, but ... in a sense, he's just applying Vulcan logic: The needs of the many outweight the needs of the few. Of course, he's doing that in a very human way."_

Archer and T'Pol saw her witnessing the course of their entire lives. Then they watched Daniels explain to Niki the nature of her mission.

_At first she reacted with anger and hurt: "You want me to become a murderer?"  
Daniels gave her several reasons. Slowly, she became calm.  
"There's one more thing you need to know before you make your decision." Daniels said to her.  
He showed her a man in the brig.  
"This is your true father, Niki. Arik Soong."  
While Daniels explained what her father had done with the Augments, she stood before Soong in a towering rage.  
"You turned me into a sort of monster!" she hissed. "Are you proud of this, daddy?"  
"He can't hear you."  
"I know ... I was just giving vent to my feelings ..." she muttered.  
She watched Archer enter the brig and argue with Soong.  
"'Superior ability breeds superior ambition'. One of their creators wrote that. He was murdered by an Augment."  
Niki listened to Archer's words in dismay.  
"It's that what he thinks about people like me?"  
"You have to admit that the facts have proved he was right."  
"I will prove him wrong" she said with finality "I accept the mission."_

Daniels turned the device off.  
"You want to see more?" he asked.  
Archer swallowed and said in a hoarse voice: "No, that's enough ..." then he added significantly "You were shrewd enough. You knew she'd never say no to you if you appealed to her this way."  
"I didn't force her to do anything!" Daniels said in anger "Tell me, Captain, who would you have preferred to die: T'Pol or Niki?"  
"None of them." he said "You know I would have given my life to save both."  
"I'm sorry. You must live. You already know why."  
Daniels put the device in his pocket: "I have to go, now."  
"Daniels ..." T'Pol asked "Why did you choose just Niki for this mission?"  
"Because she was unique ..." he gave her half a smile "... just as you are."  
He made a gesture of salute, then he disappeared.

Archer looked at T'Pol. He had never seen her so vulnerable.  
"You must be upset by what happened." he said.  
"I have to admit that Niki's death affects me significantly." she nodded. "She gave her life to save mine. We were friends, but ... I never thought she cared that much about me."  
Archer remained silent.  
T'Pol continued: "I understand she was a really important part of your life, Jonathan."  
He frowned and turned his back: "She had worked her way into my life ... in a sense."  
T'Pol put a hand on his arm comfortingly. "Her sacrifice will not be forgotten."  
He said hesitatingly: "T'Pol ... I know we have a great deal ... to talk about, but ..."  
"You need some time alone. It's understandable." she said softly.  
He nodded.  
She was going to leave but he stopped her: "Would you please ask the senior staff to meet me here in one hour? I have ... something to say before I report to Admiral Gardner."  
"Of course."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Curtains surrounded biobed two.  
Niki's body was lying there, covered by a sheet.  
The sickbay doors hissed open and Archer walked in.  
He stopped in front of the curtain, hesitating.  
Phlox looked at him questioningly.  
"Leave me alone with her." Archer said huskily, avoiding his eyes.  
Phlox nodded and gently patted him on the back.  
"As you wish, Captain."  
Archer opened the curtain and stepped forward.  
He reached to pull back the sheet and looked at her peaceful face.  
_"Why does it hurt so bad?"_ he thought.  
He closed his eyes and let the memories of her wash over him.  
He could still see her in his eyes, flying in the air with her blue ribbon, lost in the music, smiling ...  
And then he remembered that night he woke up and she wasn't there.

_She was in the garden, looking at the stars.  
He had reached her and, for the first time, had expressed affection for her.  
"I care for you, Niki."  
"Me too."  
"Then why don't you marry me?" he had whispered into her ear.  
"Jon!" she was really surprised.  
He had lifted her into his arms: "You heard me."  
Then they had made love all night.  
While she was moving on top of him slowly, she had whispered: "She and the stars may possess you when you're out there, Jon ... but on Earth, you are mine. Remember ... on Earth you are mine."_

He thought that maybe their child had been conceived that night.  
Then he could hear her voice, saying again: _"I can't live with T'Pol's shadow between us."_

With tears in his eyes, he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.  
"You thought I didn't love you, Niki ... but you were wrong." he whispered. "I'm taking you home."  
Then he reached for the sheet and gently covered her head.  
Without looking back, he left sickbay.

_Listen as the wind blows  
From across the great divide  
Voices trapped in yearning  
Memories trapped in time  
The night is my companion  
And solitude my guide  
My body aches to breathe your breath  
You words keep me alive_

And I would be the one  
To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
And after I'd wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes dear

o-o-o-o-o-o

Later, in the briefing room, Archer explained the latest events. They already knew about Niki's death. They were all sad and shocked, Hoshi couldn't stop crying and Malcolm was keeping an arm around her shoulders to comfort her. T'Pol was holding her mug of camomil tea with trembling hands, hoping the hot beverage could help her to calm down.  
"If you all agree, I will make no mention in my report that Niki was an Augment and that she stunned me and T'Pol. I will declare she volunteered for the mission."  
They all nodded in agreement.  
"Her DNA doesn't matter, Cap'n." Trip said "She's an hero. She deserves to be treated with respect."  
"Thanks." he said as he handed Hoshi a PADD. "These are the arrangements for her funeral service. Send them to Starfleet as soon as possible. I want everything to be ready for when we get back to Earth."  
Hoshi sniffed and scrolled through it.  
"Sir ..." she said, puzzled "there must be a mistake, here ..."  
"No mistake, Hoshi." he said gently.  
She swallowed: "You really mean ... Nikita ... Archer?" she asked.  
Archer took a long breath and confirmed: "Actually, Niki was my wife."  
T'Pol's mug slipped out of her hands and broke into jagged pieces across the floor.


	26. Chapter 25 End

**Chapter 25 (End)  
**  
T'Pol was alone in her quarters, holding her mother's IDIC in her hands. She was worn and weakened by emotions which had shaken her to the soul. Logic could not explain the things she had seen with her own eyes ... logic could not explain the feelings she was experiencing.  
Niki ... a friendship she hadn't minded to deepen enough, and yet she had sacrificed her life for hers. It was hard to understand which reasons stood behind such an extreme gesture.  
Daniels hadn't explained why her life was so important. She realized she hadn't asked either.  
She knew Niki loved Jonathan ... deeply. They were even married. Why give it all away? This was highly illogical.  
And it was clear that Jonathan had deep feelings for Niki, too. The way he grieved for her and their child proved it.  
She felt a sense of loss in every facet of her life ... from loss of a friend and the man she deeply cared about ... to a lack of control and direction. And she felt like she had lost her identity as well.  
_"I am everything a Vulcan shouldn't be."_ she thought, feeling inadequate _"How can I find a balance between logic and all this?"_ she asked herself.  
She barely heard the chime buzz.  
"Come in."  
The door slid open and Trip stepped in.  
"I thought right now you could use a friend." he said.  
"I appreciate ... but really, it's not necessary." she answered, without looking up.  
"Don't tell me you don't feel anything, T'Pol. I don't get it."  
She remained silent.  
"Look ..." he insisted "... we're all shocked. I can't even imagine how a Vulcan might feel about this situation, but ... I know you, T'Pol. I know you're not OK and I'm worried."  
She sighed: "I have to admit that all this is ... overwhelming. I haven't been able to meditate either."  
He knelt in front of her, gently held one of her hands.  
"I'm so sorry, T'Pol ... I wish I could help."  
"Thanks, but ... there's nothing you can do, Trip." she said in a detached tone.  
"I know ... it's not me that you need." he stated bitterly and stood up "Have you talked to the Captain?" he asked.  
"Not yet. He said he needed some time alone ... and I respect his wishes." she muttered.  
"Does he know how you feel?"  
She nodded: "Daniels showed him things that revealed my ... affection."  
"That's not what I mean. Have **YOU** told him about your feelings?"  
"No." she paused "I don't think I should."  
"Why?"  
"Because he has just lost his wife ..."  
"You're upset that he married her, ain't you?"  
"Vulcans don't ..."  
"T'Pol ..." he warned her "don't give me that crap!"  
"Trip" she sighed deeply "this is not the right moment, for many reasons."  
"Whatever ... just let him know that you are there ... I'm sure he'll appreciate."  
"A Vulcan can't express affection in human terms."  
"Then do it the Vulcan way." he said, widening his arms and making a wink.  
T'Pol looked at him curiously, one brow lifted. She knew he was deeply hurt, yet he still wanted to be her friend. She was moved by that.  
"Thank you ... for being there." she said softly.  
He reached his hand out to softly brush her cheek and smiled: "To be truthful ... I still love you, T'Pol. But now I understand that this wasn't meant to be. There's no reason to hold grudges ... it's nobody's fault."  
She stared at him for a long moment, took in a deep breath and said: "Speaking of truth ... there's something you should know."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Archer had just made his report to Admiral Gardner, when the chime of his ready room buzzed.  
"Come in."  
"Sorry to disturb you, Sir." Hoshi said, with a small box in her hands "I wanted to inform you that your instructions for Niki's funeral service have been sent to Starfleet."  
"I know ..." Archer said "Admiral Gardner confirmed it."  
Hoshi hesitated: "Sir ... do you intend to take a break after Niki's service or ..."  
Archer nodded: "It might be a long break ... these could be my last days here."  
"What!" she furrowed her brow.  
"There will be disciplinary repercussions, Hoshi. Marrying Niki, I broke the rules against fraternization. I could be removed from command."  
"They won't dare, Sir!"  
Archer looked at her with a blank gaze: "After all, I don't care much about it now."  
Hoshi's look softened.  
"We all miss her." she sighed, putting the box on his desk. "Niki asked me to give you this ... if something happened to her. I don't know what's inside, but ... I hope it may comfort you."  
"Thanks Hoshi" he murmured and gave half a smile.  
Hoshi leaved his ready room, thinking that she had to do something, anything ... to try to help out the Captain.  
_"I'll talk to the others."_ she thought.  
Archer stared at the box for several minutes trying to sum up the courage to open it. He didn't expect it.  
Finally, he opened it, his hands slightly trembling.  
His heart ached as he found their marriage rings. They couldn't wear them aboard Enterprise, having to keep their marriage hidden because of the regulations.  
Then he looked at the photos, showing them together on Earth. The photograph that he liked the most was the one showing Niki sitting on the grass, leaning against a tree trunk. His head was in her lap and she was stroking his hair gently. She looked very ... protective. He couldn't imagine then what she would have done.  
He sighed, looking at the envelope with his name written on the front. He pulled the single sheet of paper from inside the envelope and unfolded it. She had written it the night before they left Earth.

**_"Dear Jonathan,  
I love you. I want you to know that.  
I've loved you ever since I first saw you in the Temporal Observatory 10 years ago.  
Watching your life, I sensed a loneliness deep inside you, a need for something, for someone. A need to belong and to be accepted. And I felt the need of giving all this to you. At least I tried.  
Words are not enough to tell how happy you made me. The last two weeks with you have been the best of my entire existence. I hope I made you happy, too ... I really hope.  
I don't know if you'll hate me for what I'm going to do but, believe me, it is necessary. I have to save her: T'Pol is unique in her own special way and time will prove it. No wonder you love her so much ... it hurts knowing that I couldn't win your heart as she did. But love is not possession. Love is wanting what is best for the one you love, even if it does not include you. And this love gives me the strength to carry on.  
I understand if you want to forget me ... but if you don't, I want you to remember me not as the Augment who lied to you but as the girl in the picture. That's the real me.  
I wish you all the best with all you do, Jon ... you spent half your life making your father's dream come true. Now I hope you will make your own dreams come true, whatever they are._**

**_Love always, Nikita"_**

The letter slipped out of his fingers and fell into his lap.  
He frowned, tears springing in his eyes again.  
The last thing in the box was a picture in a silver frame, showing Niki in her blue gym costume, balancing on one leg, a ribbon graciously flying around her body. She was smiling that amazing smile of hers that had captured him from the very start.   
**_-That's the real me-_**  
He turned towards the window and looked into the stars. What he saw offered no consolation ... and he realized that the _cold_ stars didn't possess him anymore.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Archer hadn't realized how much time had passed when the chime buzzed again.  
The silhouette of Trip appeared at the door.  
"Have you any idea what time it is?" he asked.  
"I don't know. I lost track of time." Archer murmured.  
"You skipped dinner."  
"I'm not hungry."  
Trip sighed deeply: "I just thought we could both get drunk ... but then I realized it wasn't such a good idea."  
"Not really." he said.  
Trip looked at Niki's picture on the shelf. "She was pure joy, wasn't she?" he shook his head "Still can't believe that she died."  
Archer remained silent, his face pale and eyes closed.  
"Jon ... Niki wouldn't want to see you like this."  
"Probably not." he stood up from his chair and walked towards the window "You know, Trip ... I've never been particularly religious but ... while Niki was fighting for her life, I truly prayed for the first time in a very long time." he said.  
"I guess God wasn't listening ... must have had something better to do." Trip said bitterly.  
"Indeed."  
Trip felt helpless in the face of his grief, but he wanted to cheer him up, somehow.  
"I really should be angry with you." he tried to joke "You didn't even invite me to the wedding!"  
Archer tried to smile, but it looked like a grimace.  
"Did you know she didn't want to marry me? She turned me down at first."  
"Why?"  
Archer hesitated: "Because ... she thought that I wasn't in love with her. Maybe she accepted only because she knew ..." he swallowed hard as his voice broke down into a mere whisper "... she wouldn't make it."  
"Was she right?"  
Archer sighed: "Yes and no."  
"Let me guess ... you realized it only when you were going to lose her."  
Archer bowed his head, without saying anything.  
"So ... she knew about T'Pol." Trip said.  
Archer turned towards Trip.  
"You loved her, didn't you?" he insisted.  
He nodded.  
"Guess I've always known ..." Trip sighed. "Can't forget your face when the High Command wanted her to leave Enterprise. I wonder why you never told her about your feelings."  
Archer sighed: "Apart from regulations? I never thought that she could feel anything for me. And then I heard rumours about ... you know ..." he seemed awkward.  
"Me and T'Pol." Trip finished the phrase for him.  
"Yah ..."  
"I haven't been such a good friend ... I should have talked to you about it."  
"Forget it, Trip." Archer put a hand on his friend's shoulder.  
"Maybe if I did, I would have spared myself a lot of heartache." he muttered. "She never had feelings for me, she just wanted to test her new emotions ..." he was getting angry.  
"Trip ..."  
"She just told me about the Trellium, Jon."  
Archer sighed: "I'm sorry ... I know how you feel. I was really upset when she told me."  
"I ... I always thought she was strong ... and confident. Why in the world should a Vulcan ..."  
"We hurt her, Trip." Archer interrupted him "Not consciously, but we did."  
Trip shook his head: "How?" he asked.  
"Bombarding her every day with our emotions ... trying to involve her in our way of living. Maybe I pushed too hard when I insisted she had to keep an open mind ... I don't know ... something must have snapped in her head ..." he paused. "It's my fault, I should have realized there was something wrong."  
"We all make mistakes, Jon."  
"Yes, and we all have to pay the price. T'Pol is paying hers ... and I'm paying mine. But this time the price was too high ... Niki died."  
"It's not your fault ... Niki took a decision a long time ago. There was no way of knowing ..."  
"Still, I feel guilty."  
"Look ... there's nothing you can do for Niki, right now. But surely there's something you can do for T'Pol."  
Archer looked at Trip questioningly.  
Trip insisted: "She needs help ... she needs you."  
Archer shook his head.  
"I don't think I can help her." he said, feeling useless.  
"Yes, you can, Jon ... because you once loved her" Trip paused "... and maybe still do."  
Archer stared at his friend in amazement.   
"I know what it must cost you to tell me this, Trip."  
"You have always been a good friend Jon. And I'll be damned if all this can ruin our friendship!"  
They hugged and slapped each other on the back.  
They both felt better, at least for a moment.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Archer entered Admiral Gardner's office.  
"My condolences, Captain. We all share your loss."  
"Thanks, Admiral."  
The admiral gestured at a chair. "Have a seat."  
Archer did so, facing the Admiral, awaiting the worst.   
"Well ... I have to admit ... I'm a little confused about your ... marriage with Lt. Parker. Fraternizing with subordinates is against regulations, or weren't you aware of that?"  
"I have no excuses, Sir. I'm ready to accept whatever disciplinary measures you feel adequate."  
Gardner remained silent, looking at a PADD and tapping several keys on the panel.  
"I've been reading Phlox's report. I assume you didn't know about her pregnancy, when she volunteered for the mission." he said finally, clearing the screen of the PADD and placing it on his desk.  
"No ..." Archer murmured "she didn't know either."  
"The mission was successful ... but, on a personal level, you paid a terribly high price, Captain."  
Archer bowed his head and remained silent.  
"I sympathize, Captain, but Starfleet will not condone this sort of behaviour. The Committee will examine your position in a couple of weeks. I'm sorry to let you know that you are suspended of duty starting immediately."  
Archer wasn't surprised.  
"What about Enterprise? Will you choose a new ... Captain?" he swallowed.  
"The ship is being held in spacedock for at least 2 months, in order to make repairs and upgrades to bring it at the same level of Columbia. The choice of a new Captain is premature ... we want to wait the Committee's decisions ... and there's another problem ... Enterprise has no crew at the moment."  
Archer gave a puzzled look at Gardner.  
"Your crew put me in a rather embarassing situation." he paused "Ensign Hoshi Sato is leading a sort of ... movement. A certain number of officers are ready to give themselves up to Starfleet for breaking rules against fraternization, including Commander T'Pol. This, in case Starfleet decides to remove you from command. And all the 83 members of your crew refuse to work on Enterprise with another Captain."  
"W-What?" Archer stammered.  
"You heard me." Gardner stood up. He appeared to be nervous. "What the hell do they think they're going to accomplish with that?"  
Archer shook his head. "Sir, I couldn't imagine they ..."  
"But you can imagine what would happen if such news get out! Enterprise crew mutinies!" he rolled his eyes "What about Commander T'Pol "fraternizing"? Aren't Vulcans supposed to mate every 9 years?"  
"Seven, Admiral." he corrected.  
Gardner sighed deeply and his look softened a little.  
"Whatever ... I know they're all lying to protect you." he said "Your crew loves you. And if they do, it's because you are a good Captain."  
Archer stood up ... he was speechless.  
Gardner continued: "You have proven yourselves worthy of greater responsibility in the past ... and Earth is in your debt. I want you to know that I will speak in your favour."  
"Thanks, Admiral." he said, shaking his hand.  
"That Ensign Sato ... she has a temper!"  
"I know ... but she's very smart."  
"Keep her in line." Gardner recommended.  
"I'll do my best." he nodded.  
"Dismissed."

o-o-o-o-o-o

The funeral had been moving and well attended by Enterprise crew and Starfleet representative.  
Phlox had surprised everybody by giving a touching and poetic speech. His words moved tears out of already spent faces.  
Trip and Hoshi had been by Archer's side all the time, the girl holding gently his hand in a sign of comfort.  
At the end of the service, little by little they all left the graveyard.  
Archer remained alone, holding the flag, which had covered Niki's coffin and was now folded into a perfect military triangle.  
He gave a last look to Niki's tomb, which was near her father's as she wished.  
Then he felt a presence behind him.  
He sought to find T'Pol, aware she was there.  
Her hazel eyes gazed steadily into his.  
"Trip and the others are going back to San Francisco with the shuttle. Would you like to join us?"  
"I'd prefer to remain here, if you don't mind."  
"You shouldn't stay alone ... at least not tonight." she insisted.  
"I'll be fine." he reassured her.  
"As you wish." she nodded.  
Archer stood helplessly and watched her leaving.

Niki's voice echoed in his mind:  
**_-You've got friends caring for you ... don't shut them out of your life anymore.-_**

"Wait!" he called.  
She stopped and looked back at him.  
"I'll come with you."

During the flight back to San Francisco, Trip announced that there was going to be a private memorial with refreshments that evening, organized by Hoshi only for the Enterprise crew, and that he was going to get as drunk as he could.  
At the reception, everybody was kind and sweet. Somebody remembered the jokes Niki used to make aboard Enterprise and all the beautiful moments she had shared with her friends. Hoshi couldn't help but smile while telling Malcolm what Niki thought about his nice ass.  
As hard as he tried, Archer felt like a fish out of water.  
In the cool of the night, he walked in the garden alone.  
At first he didn't notice T'Pol, but then the wind blew from behind her, and he picked up her scent. He turned his green eyes to behold her.  
"Jonathan." she said softly.  
"I didn't expect to find you out here ... you don't like crowds, do you?" he asked.  
"Not particularly." she said "What about you?"  
"I just needed to get out into the fresh air." he said.  
She gazed at him, her eyes darker than usual and a sparkle in them he had never seen there before.  
"How do you feel?" she asked him gently.  
"I could ask the same about you ... as to me, I feel ... lost." he murmured.  
"It seems we're both without ... direction." she shivered slightly and compressed her lips in a straight line.  
He looked at her sadly, then suddenly asked: "Can you forgive me?"  
"For what?"  
"For leaving you alone. I was overwhelmed by the latest events ... I should have been taking care of you, T'Pol. I'm so sorry ..."  
"You have nothing to apologize for." she soothed. "Have **YOU** forgiven me?" she questioned softly.

**_-Forgive her ... and she will forgive you.-_**

"Yes." he said, tenderly.  
"Even for threatening you with a phase-pistol?"  
"T'Pol ... you were trying to save my life, how could I be angry at you?"  
He put his hands on her shoulders and asked with a soft voice: "I think I know the reason why you did that, but ... I need to hear it from you."  
"I couldn't let you die ..." she hesitated "I cherish your life more than my own."  
He met her eyes. They were intense, not with fire, just with presence.  
"I have to admit ... I'm a little confused about this ... well, more than a little." he said. "I never thought ..."  
She interrupted him: "That I might have feelings for you? Neither did I ... it took me long time to realize it. Maybe too long." she stated bitterly.  
He averted her eyes and shook his head.  
"Do you remember when the High Command wanted to take you away after the destruction of P'Jem? I was ... desperate. I realized that I didn't want to lose you not just because you were part of my crew ... but because I cared for you ... deeply."  
"That was more than 3 years ago ..." she said, surprised at his statement.  
He nodded: "For all this time, I've been loving you T'Pol ... but I couldn't tell you."  
Her eyes widened: "Why?"  
"Many reasons ... regulations ... our differences ... fear ..."  
"Fear of what?"  
"That you might leave Enterprise if you knew about it. You looked so cold and distant ... harsh and hidden ..."  
"But I changed."  
"I know ... I changed, too ... and not for the best." he said, looking down.  
"The Expanse." she stated.  
He nodded.  
"Then I watched you grow closer to Trip ... and after your marriage on Vulcan, I realized there was no hope for me."  
"Is that why you withdrew from everything and everyone?" she asked.  
"Partly, yes." he admitted.  
"But Niki changed this ..."  
"Slowly, but she did." he admitted "At first, your reaction to her made me hope you could be jealous ... that's why I tried to make you understand how I felt. I did nothing but upset you ... I'm sorry."  
"I was not upset, Jonathan." she said softly "I simply wasn't prepared to that ... emotion. I even couldn't understand why I felt that way." she paused "You must have hated me when you saw me kissing Trip ..."  
"No. I was ... really upset, but ... I didn't hate you. I just thought I had to stop deceiving myself." he sighed deeply "I really wanted to forget my feelings for you, I wanted to stop feeling sorry for myself ... and move on."  
He continued: "When I reached my apartment on Earth, Niki came after me. She opened her heart to me ... she made me realize that I needed to belong to someone. She showered me with love and affection, even if she knew about you. I had never been loved like that before. I started feeling happy again. I dared to hope again."  
"You were in love with her." she said. It almost sounded like a question.  
"A part of me loved Niki, but I never told her." he confirmed "One day I found her in the graveyard crying for her father ... in that moment, I felt so close to her ... that I realized I couldn't lose her. That night I proposed her to marry me ... I didn't want to be only the Enteprise Captain ... or the man Daniels claims will form the Federation ... I just wanted to be Jonathan Archer for once in my life ... I wanted a family ... I wanted ..." he sobbed "children ..."  
She put a hand on his arm and looked into his eyes: "There's nothing wrong in trying to be happy, Johnathan." she said comfortingly.  
"The news about my marriage must have hurt you ..." he realized.  
"Yes ..." she admitted "but I hurt you as well. Many times ... It's not your fault if I lost your ... love."  
"You didn't." he said tenderly "I still care about you. A part of me still ... loves you." his voice lowered to a whisper "But a part of me just can't forget Niki. I guess I never will. She left a mark on me ... I can't explain, but I'm sure you couldn't live with her shadow between us and I don't want to. It wouldn't be fair." he turned his back to her.  
A single tear ran down her cheek. She knew he was right ... but she also knew she needed him, even if it hurt.

**_-We chose to love ... even if it hurts.-_**

"Humans use to say that time heals all wounds ..." she said.  
"... but absence makes the heart grow fonder." his voice broke.  
"If that is true, what does presence do?" T'Pol asked.  
He turned towards her and their eyes met.  
"Because, if you allow me ... I intend to be present in your life Jonathan."  
"Even if you know that we can't be lovers?"  
"We can be two friends ... who take care of each other."  
They kept staring at each other for what seemed like eternity.  
Then he slowly pulled her into his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, leaving that new emotion overwhelm her, even if she couldn't find a name for it.  
He felt her tremble in his embrace and knew that her sorrow was his sorrow too.  
He whispered into her ear: "We'll find a way through this, T'Pol. I swear I'll be there for you. Always."  
She knew the pain was too recent, the memories of Niki too strong. Yet, she allowed herself to hope.  
_"The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone."_ she thought _"Maybe one day ..."_

**_When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary  
When troubles come and my heart burdened be  
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,  
Until you come and sit awhile with me.  
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains  
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas  
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders  
You raise me up, to more than I can be._**

They stayed embraced for a while.  
As they parted, T'Pol asked: "What will Starfleet do about you?"  
He sighed: "They will propably remove me from command."  
"You seem resigned enough to your fate."  
"I don't think I can change what it's going to happen." he murmured.  
"Does it mean that you're ready to give up without a fight?" she asked "Because I'm not." she said with finality. She took his hand and led him towards the house, where the rest of the crew was still celebrating Niki.  
"If I remember correctly ..." she said calmly "Ensign Sato said that we'll be damned if we let the Starfleet Committee screw you up."  
His jaw dropped."T'Pol!"  
"That's exactly what she said. Word for word." she raised an eyebrow.  
They disappeared behind the door.

o-o-o-o-o-o

**Somewhere in the 31st Century ...**

"Archer will have his ship back, won't he?" the alien asked.  
"I have no doubt about it." Daniels answered.  
"You didn't explain him why T'Pol's life was so crucial."  
"He didn't ask."  
"You wouldn't have told him, anyway."  
"It's better that he doesn't know too much about the future" Daniels paused "... and I don't think he would have liked the answer."  
"Let's hope she'll like it." the alien chuckled.  
"I'm not in the mood to observe the developments." Daniels sighed.  
"Do you regret what you did?" the alien asked with a questioning look.  
"No ... and you?"  
"Not really." he smiled.  
"You said you would never dare change the past."  
The alien winked: "I lied".

**THE END**

o-o-o-o-o-o

So, this is the end ... I thank everybody for having the patience of reading this long fic.

I really hope you enjoyed it, as I did in writing it.

I made a music video for this story, you can download it at the end of this page on my website:

**http:-slash-slash-nephtys59-dot-altervista-dot-org-slash-videoclips.htm **

**The next fic ****"Perfect"** will start in the next few days and, even if it is a different story, will consider Unique as CANON ... so I officially confirm that Unique will have a SEQUEL!


End file.
